SPEAKER_01: 0:00

A lot of this shit feels like a coat when you think about it. Saying that you don't have the energy to do the thing that you need is insane. You take out your fucking garbage every other day because you won't let garbage just sit in your fucking garbage bin because it's going to start smelling like shit and then you'll get flies in your house. So you do what's needed in order to not get what you don't want. You don't want flies in your house. You don't want your apartment to smell like shit. You take out the garbage. Same thing that comes with making friends. Same thing that comes with losing work. Same thing that comes with making money. Failures Podcast. We're back like cook crack. Rich, listen. Never have I ever been more prepared for an episode like this episode today. because this one is about friends and friendship. And never have I been more happy to see your fucking face across the country because it reminded me what a luxury it is to have friends. As a man in his 30s, this episode today is about the friendship recession. You have to admit, when we started our research, we didn't think it would be this much of a problem that was plaguing, it's not even young men, men in their 30s and 40s. When you sent me the original idea, what were you thinking and How are you feeling now after you've done some research?

SPEAKER_02: 1:18

Yeah, I thought it was something light. I thought it was like, all right, cool. This is a problem that all men face, I feel, where we feel a little bit lonely, feeling like friends are isolated. Everyone's kind of busy with their career or busy with their family. And, you know, you don't get enough time to sort of connect with your homies. I thought it was something sort of lighthearted like that. And then once we started to do the research, I'm like, damn, wait a minute. Friendship recession? Like we even found... a term for it. And there's a recession out here, man. And we didn't make this word up. No, no. We found that in a Harvard Business School review article and doing our research. This is

SPEAKER_01: 1:58

a real problem. It's not only a problem, Rich. Some of the stats that I'm going to share, again, we're not gurus. We're not gods. We say this every episode. And we're definitely not Harvard business graduates or anybody that's in the world of human psychology to the point where We can speak like we're an authority on the subjects. But this is basically us just doing deep dives on some legitimate articles and pulling some stats out. Stat number one that fucked me up was male loneliness has become so severe that it has the same exact rate of cause of death as to someone who smokes a pack of cigarettes per day. Meaning, people who deal with this level of loneliness and isolation, the correlation between the depression that comes from it to the cause of death, which we did another episode on, which was suffering in silence, which we seen this huge spike in suicides amongst men, it's on par with someone who smokes a pack of cigarettes per day.

SPEAKER_02: 2:58

That's insane.

SPEAKER_01: 2:59

Out of 10 men, ages 25 plus, four of 10 say they don't have one close friend. That means anywhere you look around you right now, if you're listening to this podcast or watching us on YouTube, if you can gather up 10 men, over the age of 25, four of them will honestly tell you I don't have one close friend. The stats are brutal. The stats are brutal. I got one more. Harvard research confirms that men in their 30s and 40s have officially been labeled the loneliest demographic of all demographics. So no matter how you want to slice the pie, men in their 30s and 40s have been confirmed the loneliest demographic of all demographics. So Rick, Rich, just to double back to what you said, you sent me this idea as a fun conversation. And of course, we always do our research. We found this category called the friendship recession. Where do you think something like this comes from, Rich? Because you had mentioned high school and college being the better years to build relationships and how it drops off. You had a pretty good explanation for it off air.

SPEAKER_02: 4:08

Yeah, I was just sort of reflecting in my personal life. And I'm like, man, if you take a step back and you think about all your friendships in high school, right? High school was the moment where it was all about friends. Like, what are we going to do after school? What are we going to do during lunch? What are we going to do on the weekends? Some of that ends up trickling as you graduate and move on into college. You end up having a new set of friends and college friends and studying and things like that. And then somewhere there's a disparity between when you graduate college and when you kind of like start your career and start the real world where like people just start to fall off. Either people move to different cities or people become more career driven and they're just focused on sort of like climbing the corporate ladder or they're just busy in like a newfound relationship that they have with a significant other. So I think it's real interesting how the older you get, the quicker the friend group starts to sort of like drop off. And yeah, man, that's what we're here to unpack is sort of like why that is.

SPEAKER_01: 5:15

I think what you said is... one of the dirtiest secrets in this particular subject that we're talking about. And the dirty secret is nine times out of 10, when men hang out with each other in their teenage years or in their college years, it's always a means to an end. And usually the end is either women finding your person, if that's your style, like if you want a date to find someone to be exclusive with and eventually build a family with, or money, what you're surrounding yourself with people who are smarter than you or have more access and resources than you, and they lead to maybe opportunities of employment or to get more money. And I find that men are a little taboo when it comes to that. They wouldn't say it out right directly, but I think that's one of the things off top we should address. That's where a lot of the relationships are built around when you're younger. You might say, oh, my boy is fun to be around. He just got good energy. He always brings other friends around. Well, he serves you in a way that makes your community more social. Because if you're cool with somebody who's cool with a lot of people, then that makes you naturally cool with more people. Or if he's cool with girls or other guys that have girlfriends they hang out with, now you have access to more women. And the list goes on. If he dresses well, if he has a nice car, if he has a cool apartment, a cool house, he's part of a fraternity, anything like that associated to things that we want. So it's a dirty little secret, but I want to put it out there early. That's okay that you have relationships that are built around these things.

SPEAKER_02: 6:51

Yeah. And even more so, right, when I think of why the separation and sort of the drop off of friends happens, I think of COVID, I think of like remote work and just continuing to sort of isolate ourselves in this like new digital age of like the internet and cell phones and social media. We're sort of more physically isolated than we probably have ever been. And, you know, we often look at influencers or content as a way to cope and be like, oh, that's my friend. One of the things we spoke about was like this sort of parasocial epidemic where now these young men think that, oh, because I watch a streamer that I'm subscribed to, that I even contribute money to, that that's my friend. I'm watching a 24-7 streaming marathon of Kai or I show speed. And I feel connected to him because I saw him from the time he woke up to the time he went to sleep. And this is weird, like digital relationship that these younger men have with like digital creators that I find interesting.

SPEAKER_01: 8:06

It is a parasocial relationship. And I want to break that word down because it might go over some people's heads. All a parasocial relationship is, is the equivalent of you watched eight seasons of Game of Thrones and And you truly identified with and enjoyed one character to the point where you started following all their fan accounts, and then you started buying memorabilia of them, and you kind of create this whole world around you where you know the actor who plays Jaime Lannister in Game of Thrones, but you only know him as Jaime Lannister, the character in Game of Thrones. A parasocial relationship is the relationship is only one-sided, right? The same could be said about an OnlyFans girl, but I'll leave that conversation for or another day. Same thing though. It's only one sided. You're only contributing. They're giving you content, but they don't know who you are. So the parasocial relationship gets tricky when you meet these people in real life and you see them almost like a child that is seeing their best friend that they spend infinite amount of time with. And when they see you, they don't know who the fuck you are. And they're shocked and they're kind of taken away by how much excitement and love you have for them. That is essentially a parasocial relationship. It's not a fair exchange in the dynamic of time spent versus time consumed. And the problem with that is, is you start building your world around this person and you disconnect time that you could be making other friends. And I think that is what you're saying, Rich. And that's probably a younger man's issue, but I could see it happening with older guys too.

SPEAKER_02: 9:37

Yeah. And I feel like those particular relationships, they have to contribute to loneliness, bro. Because I'm of the mindset of like, man, you got to meet up with the homies, like physically. Like sure, if they're in a different state, different country, that's different. But there's something to be said about how you feel when you go play basketball with your friends or go catch a movie or go out to dinner, have some drinks that just feels like a different camaraderie than you following a digital creator, watching a stream for hours on end and thinking

SPEAKER_01: 10:13

that that's your friend. Yeah, the issue is, and I think we're going to get into actionable advice So stick around. We'll list at the end of the show all the things that we think you can implement today to kind of get yourself out of this rut of not being able to make friends or literally not having a lot of friends that you can count on. And then there's a third section, Rich, that I want to talk about. You brought it up earlier on our pre-show when we were preparing for the show. You were saying time evolves. Sometimes you have to kind of like swap out old friends for new friends because they're more in line with what your priorities are for today. And you're speaking as a man in his late 30s. You have a family. You have two kids. I'm sure you can't do the things you used to do when you were younger. Shit, I think our relationship changed because I've always been single and moved to LA and always prioritized enjoying my life in a different kind of way that you would. So there's certain things that me and you couldn't bond over, right? Like just to speak from personal experience.

SPEAKER_02: 11:11

Yeah, I think that you have to find ways. First of all, I look at my inner circle as a child. tribe, and I feel like everyone plays a part in that tribe, and we all have to positively contribute to that tribe. Oftentimes, I find myself doing a friend audit every six months or every 12 months, like, damn, who has tapped in with me? Who have I not tapped in with? Who do I care about? Who do I don't care about? These are all legitimate things that you have to go through when you're auditing your friends and seeing who should be around, because I think at the end of the day, we often feel like we're obligated to be friends with somebody or I've known this person for a long time therefore like I feel obligated to just be in that person's life but that's not the way I see it bro the way I see it is a friendship is a very much bilateral relationship you give and you take you give and you take and when people take take take take take take and don't give positively contribute to your life or to the tribe then that person is sort of like the weakest link in my opinion. So yes, I do have my set of circle of friends that I respect, I trust, I care for, and I go out of my way to tap in with. Even though somebody like you and I, right? You live in LA, I live in New Jersey. But aside from this podcast and this brand we're building, we still tap in with each other. Yo, everything good? Yo, cool, cool, cool. You know what I mean? Maybe not every week or every other week, but we try to do it on the regular. And I feel like that's something important. As busy as I am in my personal life with work and sort of like family life, being a father, I still find the time to do like a quality assurance. Yo, you good? Just checking in with the homies and making sure that they're straight. That's kind of how I see, that's kind of how I balance everything.

SPEAKER_01: 13:09

Well, you know, you bring up a good point and I want to take a step back. We usually open the show with a setup, but we were very excited to get into this topic. so we kind of got ahead of ourselves. I do want to take a step back, Rich. I want to frame the episode for the person that is going through this, the person that we're speaking to. Obviously, we're in our late 30s. I'm fucking kicking 40s door down, so we have a lot of life experience, but I don't necessarily think the scarcity of friendship that these younger guys are experiencing in today's era is something that we understood when we first got into the subject. And as we dug into it, Oh, these other subjects that we touched on on previous episodes, they all kind of float into this problem. It's not as dire and as scary as the suffering and silence episode we did, which was leading to men act out in very radical ways, even taking their own lives. But this is kind of like, if we're saying loneliness and isolation are the core contributor to a lot of these problems that we keep going through, this is probably like the third or fourth bus stop on their way to the most extreme. extreme action. And this is something that we pointed out together by thinking like, it's funny how a lot of these issues all kind of revolve around the same micro issues, which is social media, social isolation, disconnecting from the world, blaming the world, being single, not prioritizing your health, not prioritizing your fitness, not prioritizing having women in your life, having friends. All these things kind of are correlated, but this one's mostly about friendships. And I want to put you in the headspace of what a guy that's going through this is feeling. He's probably the same age as me and you, probably has the same level of responsibility as you and I have, but was probably never a social person. And because he works eight to 10 hours a day, he comes home, spends time with his family, or maybe his girlfriend doesn't have much of a family. And he just veges out. And as a phrase that's really popular right now, and it's just straight brain rot. He's just letting Netflix season 13 of a show that's really not doing anything for him, kind of wash over his brain. And he just sits there and veges out from 7pm to midnight, goes to bed and repeats that same cycle. I think that's the guy we're talking to here. And he's in a funk. It's hard for him to get out of this hell that he's in where he's thinking to himself, man, it would be helpful if I had a tribe or a community or maybe one friend that I can go to and talk about a lot of these mental issues that I'm feeling or a lot of this depression I'm going through, or hell, even being upset with your girl you want somebody to vent to. Something as simple as that. This guy doesn't have that. So basically the way I framed this person, think about that, Rich. What's one piece of advice or something that comes to mind when I build that out for you?

SPEAKER_02: 16:03

I feel like you got to find that one commonality with somebody. It could be a brother or a friend that-

SPEAKER_01: 16:10

Siblings is good. I didn't even think of that. You're right.

SPEAKER_02: 16:12

Yeah, for sure. My brother's definitely that for me. And I promise you, whatever it is that you're feeling, you're not alone. Chances are there's someone else in your tribe or in your group of friends that is feeling the same way you are. And I'll Oftentimes, to make comparisons with our relationship, one of the reasons why our relationship works so well is because we've both been working towards a common goal since we've met. It's like, all right, you know what you want to do. I know what you want to do. You go your way. I go my way. When we reconnect, we share experiences. We share information. We share life advice. We share getting money tips. We share network, which is very important, which we should talk about in a it and we're sort of positively contributing to one common goal and that's why like your and i relationship works so well so for somebody who's feeling like man i don't have that person like i promise you if you look back that there has to be at least one person that you can associate yourself with that you can find that commonality and

SPEAKER_01: 17:23

yeah i mean the phrase has been said before if you want good people in your life be a good person and be a good person my be a whole other episode for our fucking simp epidemic we got going on but good person meaning you contribute to the greater village and I think you mentioned that a little like a few minutes ago what do you contribute to your to your community right and there's nothing wrong with that if you want to make friends be a good friend how do you become a good friend well you're somebody that can be one dependable accountable always present and really like contributing to the person that is giving you their time Meaning, nobody likes a friend that's always around and you're constantly helping their situation out or fixing their situation or giving them advice. If the whole conversation is about putting you back together, I promise you that person is going to find you to be a burden every time they got to be around. Because if they got to constantly solve your life and you don't give back to whatever it is that's going on in their life, then it's an uneven exchange. And that's what we were talking about before, Rich. It shouldn't be taboo to understand that all relationships have an exchange. to them. So in order to be interesting to people, be interested in people. Meaning, if it's somebody you haven't spoken to in a while, but you've always liked them and what they did for you and the kind of energy they brought to your life, whether that's a brother or a cousin or an old friend you used to have, start by reaching out to them in a way that is resourceful to them. Ask them how their life is going. What's going on with them? How's their family? Anything that you could help with. Because once you kind of build that loop of reciprocity where you give and you give and you give. Somebody eventually is going to be like, man, I like having this guy around because he's a benefit to my life. Let me invite him to my daughter's five-year birthday party where he could potentially meet another friend. Let me invite him. I just bought the pay-per-view, which no longer exists for MMA, but in a world where one person bought the pay-per-view, you put up half for the pay-per-view. He invites you to his house. He has his friends, family over. Now you extend your your network. Do you see how this works? It's a simple give to get situation that opens the loop to start creating a world where you can make friends.

SPEAKER_02: 19:38

Yeah, yeah. Think about the framing too when we talk about tribe, community, inner circle. You're talking about a group of people. The people who tend to contribute positively to that sort of like inner circle have that mindset that, hey, we're all in this together, right? Versus the, social conditioning independence of like nah it's just me I'm living life alone I have no sibling I have no friends we talked about that that mental frame yeah I got attacked the world by myself like what we're saying is every person has a tribe we have a friend tribe you have a family tribe right the friend tribe you have to see them as a community you guys are brothers right you're forming an allegiance together for the greater good of like the tribe. So you have to sort of, if you're this, like, I'm doing everything by myself type of guy, like that's the cost of isolation. That's the cause of loneliness. That's the cause of depression at the end of the day. So reframe yourself to view your inner circle as that tribe and make sure that you are positively contributing to that tribe. And then once you make that mental shift, that's when you start to navigate like, all right, how do I positively contribute to this drive? How do I become better at give and take, give and take? And for me, as difficult as it may be on my day to day, if I'm commuting 30 minutes, I'll shoot a text to somebody. Hey, how's it going? Everything good? Like I might not have time to have a full conversation with this person, but I have 30 minutes to kill. A text message doesn't cost me anything but a few

SPEAKER_01: 21:26

clicks. You know what's even easier than that? On social media, media, when you're on IG stories, because Instagram switched its algorithm on the main feed to you seeing a whole bunch of shit that is really brain rot. It's just all the stuff that you love. They keep pumping it. Instagram figured out TikTok's algorithm. So now you're just in hell because you're constantly seeing stuff that you can't win. You absolutely have to look at this content because they know it's precious to you. The last safe haven for opening dialogue, which I got this from when I used to date and I was single, is you can just go through Instagram stories. And this is the social media version of what you just said, Rich. So I'm building on your point. Okay. If you go through Instagram stories, you're seeing what people are posting based on what's important to them. So it kind of gives you this open loop to enter the conversation. And if it was Rich's daughter's birthday a few weeks ago, damn, bro, she looks beautiful, man. LOL, she got your wife's eyes. And then you hit me back. Yeah, she looks just like me. The Social media kind of made it easier for you to open up conversations and not have to cold text friends you haven't seen in a while. You got an old buddy you played intramural sports with, you were in the theater club with in high school. Just go through the stories. You'll see. They'll post things. Oh, just closed my new home. God is beautiful. Yo, man, that's what's up, man. I would like to learn more about getting into real estate. It looks like you've been killing it. What person that's in a line of business is not going to want to talk about their line of business? Yo, man, would love to get coffee, bro. Anything I can learn from you would be great. Coffee's on me. Little shit like that is easy when it comes to male-to-male bonding. I found it very difficult when I was single and it was male-to-woman because the women know what the fuck you DM and them for. So you got to be extra coy. You got to be extra strategic. But that's just a little page off the playbook that I used to run when I was single that works for men. It works for anybody. It could be an old friend, a relative, an old teacher. That's how you keep conversations going so rich. I love that you gave that piece of advice because it really don't take nothing but initiation is what you were saying.

SPEAKER_02: 23:36

Yeah, and I love that you put a spin on on the social media aspect of it because I have something a little tip that I could share something that I do. I just started this maybe like four to five months ago, but I've been consistent with it is whenever I see a birthday pop up on my feed. I just hit him with a happy birthday. I don't care if we haven't spoken in six years, five years. There's something about people's birthday that is very intimate to them. And people check online to see who has wished them a happy birthday. Crazy. Like they actually care, right? So it's like, even if you've been out of sight, out of mind for, you know, three to five years or whatever, and they receive a little happy birthday comment or DM or like, people remember that. And to your point, it If that's a relationship that you're looking to rekindle and kind of like catch up with that person, that could be a good entry point. Like, bro, nine times out of 10, everyone who I've DM'd like, oh, happy birthday has always hit me back. Thank you, my bro. Thank you, this. Sort of like a heat check for me to see if like, are we still cool? And I find that little tip to be helpful if you're trying to sort of re-engage with folks you haven't spoken to in a long time.

SPEAKER_01: 24:55

I love that advice, Rich. And I want our listeners to know that We have become so obsessed with really digging deep into these pain points and these problems in our community that we not only do research for what the problem is so we can understand it beyond our day to day, but we'll also do research and mine through a lot of comments on different forum boards and even on some YouTubers, bigger YouTubers. We'll go through the comment sections and we'll pull common responses to a lot of this very surface level advice that we're giving. So Rich and I always call it the rebuttal you know the steel man argument the yeah but that's the part of the segment we're on right now yeah but Rich I find that a lot of these empty gestures and going out just to go out and be around people to do things that I'm not interested in I find them to be empty I'm looking for something deep I get exhausted by going to watch the fight with my friends when I don't like fighting or wishing people a happy birthday that I don't really like wish want to wish them a happy birthday I'm just doing it to do it so I and make friends. I know what I want to say when I hear something like that, but what's your immediate feedback to that counterpoint?

SPEAKER_02: 26:05

That shit pisses me off. It pisses me off, bro.

SPEAKER_01: 26:11

No, no, no. Our listeners should know this. Before we got on air, what was what we said? Empathy.

SPEAKER_02: 26:16

Yes.

SPEAKER_01: 26:17

You weren't supposed to black out, but it still pisses you off. Let me take a step

SPEAKER_02: 26:20

back. It still pisses me off. I'm going to take a step back. I'm going to take a step back. It still pisses me off. I'll tell you why. In a world where there is is a community for everything. Facts. Bro, you could literally find a community of motherfuckers that like to do, throw dartboard.

SPEAKER_01: 26:40

Japanese anime porn characters. Yeah. Like, it could get that weird and niche-y,

SPEAKER_02: 26:46

for sure. Bro, I was just in the city last week, and there was Pokemons. People dressed as Pokemon everywhere. I'm like, what the fuck is going on? It's not Halloween yet.

SPEAKER_01: 26:54

Grown-ups?

SPEAKER_02: 26:55

Grown people? Grown-ups. Grown-ass men in Pokemons and anime and it turns out there was like a

SPEAKER_01: 27:02

pokecon

SPEAKER_02: 27:03

or some shit an anime convention yeah some shit like that but i thought it was halloween i'm like what the fuck but anyway yeah anyway my point is there's a community for all interests long gone are the days where it's like oh man it's hard to find a group of friends who like what i like bro there is a community out there for everything i promise you there's a subreddit out there for every hobby or interest that you might have. So this lame excuse that I don't want to hang out with the bros because I don't like MMA or whatever, that's fine, bro. Go find your tribe. If it's living on Reddit, what people fail to understand is the relationship can start digital, but then it could turn into in-person relationship if the person is in close proximity. I've seen a lot of gamers that have gamed together for four or five years, never seen each other physically, and they actually actually they're like yo bro it's time like we've been gaming for so long we should just meet up one day and and go kick it and or go eat or go have some drinks and they do that so yes a relationship can go from digital to physical but this lame excuse that i don't want to hang out with my current friends because we don't share the same interests is like bro then go find yourself a new group of friends that do have the same interests as you

SPEAKER_01: 28:23

or the the one that i want you to address is them saying all this effort feels like i'm trying too hard like i'm exerting a level of energy that I shouldn't have to in order to make friends and I get the idea of like if it's truly like if you're not a physical dude and you've never played sports your whole life maybe going to the gym and tumbling around on an MMA mat or a mixed martial arts mat maybe that's not for you but to Rich's point there's probably something closer to what you already interested in

SPEAKER_02: 28:52

yeah

SPEAKER_01: 28:52

but this idea that you have to put in a little work to get what you want by the way it's the same fucking theme in every episode But why do I have to put work in to get what I want? I don't get it. I feel like I'm trying too hard. And I'll

SPEAKER_02: 29:06

add to that. That's the last thing you should be doing. You ain't got a lie to kick in my bro. Bro, there's nothing worse than the dude that comes into the fold and does the most.

SPEAKER_01: 29:21

He's like, the New York Dolphins are playing today. You're like, this guy don't even know what the fuck is going

SPEAKER_02: 29:26

on. What do we call him? The clown, the tryhard.

SPEAKER_01: 29:30

Yo, Ken Shamrock still fights? Is Ken Shamrock in this fight? You're like, nah,

SPEAKER_02: 29:34

bro. What the fuck are you doing? Bro, that is the worst type of dude allowing to the fold because he's easily identifiable as a person who's just trying too hard A poser, yeah. Bro, a poser. You guys could be kicking it with girls and he's just trying to kick it to every single girl and just doing the most. Even women could identify the poser in 2.5 seconds. They're just like, damn, who brought this guy to

SPEAKER_01: 29:59

the function? They're uniquely designed to see who the guy that shouldn't be hanging out with you is. That's facts.

SPEAKER_02: 30:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 30:07

Yeah. I mean, you ain't got a lot of kick. It is incredible. And I do want to say this. There is an action for everything. But what I'm learning is that there is also an excuse to not take the action for everything. So you decide. You know what I'm saying? We're on episode, I think, 10 or 11 by now. What I'm slowly learning is that for everything that one of these guys wants, and it's a major theme within our community, there's also this sub-community that lives in this self-made hell that they've created for themselves that is filled with excuses, stacked on excuses, stacked on excuses. So you choose the fucking pill you want to take. Whether you want to sleep on the pillow of excuses every night, go for it. I don't have to live your life. But if you got this far to hit play, to hear some cope shit that we're going to be like, man, it's the world's fault you don't have any friends. That's why you don't have any friends. You're not responsible or accountable for anything. I think that wouldn't be fair to say that because a lot of these solutions are not that hard. We're telling you, find your flock, bring value to that flock, and try to pop out more than you're online because the pop out IRL is where the real motion happens. And you might fuck around and meet a girl. You might fuck around and meet some new friends. You might fuck around and learn something new about yourself. You might fuck around and realize that you actually enjoy going to karaoke because you love singing 80s pop songs. You don't know any of that because you're sitting at home. So where you can find an excuse you you can also find a reason to get the fuck up and change your life. You decide what you want to do. So I know we were supposed to practice empathy the whole episode, Rich. We were supposed to be. But I do feel like we always got to kind of play real unk because a lot of this shit feels like a coke when you think about it. Saying that you don't have the energy to do the thing that you need is insane. You take out your fucking garbage every other day because you won't let garbage just sit in your fucking garbage bin because it's going to start smelling like shit and then you'll get flies in your house. So you do what's needed in order to not get what you don't want. You don't want flies in your house. You don't want your apartment to smell like shit. You take out the garbage. Same thing that comes with making friends. Same thing that comes with losing weight. Same thing that comes with making money. Once we get past that part, then we can have a real conversation. But if you're telling me, I'm burnt out from trying to make friends. I just don't get it. Why do I have to be a poser? It's like, bro, you're already in a negative mind state. You're know what? We can literally duplicate this fucking episode and make it about women. It's all going to be the same advice, Rich.

SPEAKER_02: 32:49

Oh, for sure. If

SPEAKER_01: 32:50

you want a date, it gets five times harder than this.

SPEAKER_02: 32:54

Yeah, I agree with you. I think that's great advice. And hearing you speak made me think about something where, and I think it's something very important. You also have to figure out what you positively contribute to your tribe, because I feel like everybody contributes something different. So for example, for me, I've found that that I'm sort of like the motivator slash emotional support role type of dude. Like, I can hear you out. I can give you a piece of advice. That's about as far as it gets. Don't ask me for money. You know what I mean? Like, time, personal time might be a little rough. I can't give you

SPEAKER_01: 33:33

one-on-one face time. But that's good, Rich, because you're saying you know what you contribute at a high level. You're clear on that when you walk into the room. Yeah. I may know what you want from me. More than I know what you want from me, I I know what I'm capable of giving. And if you want what I'm capable of giving, we're going to be good friends.

SPEAKER_02: 33:48

Yeah. And I say that to say, I do recall having an inner circle of friends and finding that three out of the five friends were very receptive to my advice. Damn, every time I hit a bridge, he always gives me solid advice and it kind of helps me move forward or push through this issue that I'm facing. And then there'd be that one or two that'd be like, every two weeks was just a different issue, a different issue different issue and then i'm like damn like these two individuals are either not taking the the feedback the advice or the information and making adjustments or they just need a shoulder to cry on every time they they feel a certain type of way long story short going back to the the friendship audit you got to audit that inner circle bro if people are just constantly taking taking taking from you know the tribe then you got at some point you got to be like all right bro like my role as the advice giver in this relationship is no longer working because every two weeks you got a new issue and I can see you're having the repeated issues that I've already given you advice for. Like, my bro, I love you. I love you from a distance. Good luck. Bro.

SPEAKER_01: 34:56

But what's the advice? You became the guy of the guy that's nervous to make friends with you. Nah, nah, nah. What's your advice to him? He's going to keep complaining. What do you want to tell him? No, no, no. Like, don't always come with a fucking pocket full of tissues and an eye full of tears. Like, you don't always got to be complaining?

SPEAKER_02: 35:15

No. Identify what you contribute to the tribe and do that to your best ability. It's like sports. Like sports. Like what do you do well? Do that. Yeah, exactly. I'm the emotional support advice giver guy. That's it. That's my role in the tribe. If you want anything else, I might not be able to give that to you. Then somebody else in the tribe is like the sports guy. Like, bro, you want to go play basketball every weekend? That's the guy to do it with. He's just always available. He's single. And He's always down to do extracurricular activities and so on and so forth.

SPEAKER_01: 35:49

We did the Doubt Monster episode. You forced me to do that. I had to share my IP original idea with the world. Now if my shit gets taken, I can't do nothing about it. Here's another illustrated Disney Pixar level idea that I've had. It's going to be a pro-masculine movie about 3D cartoons. It's going to be called Be Useful, A Tool in a Toolbox. It will have a better name once I get the characters. But imagine yourself as a tool inside of a toolbox inside. It'll be like toy stories. It'll be like toy story for a hardware guy, like a guy that goes build like a construction guy. And every time he goes in his toolbox, he only grabs one tool, a hammer. The hammer is like Buzz Lightyear. He's a superstar. It's a go-to. Every tool in that toolbox has a purpose for different situations. Yes, some people People get called on for the most obvious things, like being the social butterfly, being the advice guy, being the rock amongst the group of friends, being the guy with the house, everybody goes to his house, being the dude with a big car, they got a lot of seats, you're the one that picks everybody up. Every tool has a different purpose. If you open up a toolbox, you can see that some tools get used less more than others, but each has a very specific function. The way I see friendship is the way I see sports. I've played basketball my whole life and football. Not everybody is designed based on their skill set, based on their tolerance for pain, based on their competitiveness is built to play every position. Some people are big as fuck and they can move shit at 270 pounds. That's a lineman. The lineman blocks, the lineman pushes other big people. Some people are really good at kicking shit. They're not big, they're not tall, they're not strong. Guess what position they play? Kicker. That motherfucker's comes out once in a while and scores three points and sits his ass back down on the bench. That's okay for men to see themselves as these smaller or bigger pieces that contribute to the greater mission, which is making a business, going out to meet some girls, going out to run a play for the day. Rich wants to build something in his house. He's cool with my stepfather, who's a plumber. He'll reach out to my step pops. Y'all buy a 24 pack and can hang out, but I need you to check out something at the crib. Bro, the world is filled with men that are useful. The real problem is when you're useless and you can't contribute, that's when you stop getting as much phone calls, text messages. That's when motherfuckers got group chats without you in it because they know you never contribute anything. You don't bring no beers. You don't bring no bitches. You don't bring no good vibes. You don't make people laugh. You never go half on the pay-per-view, but you'll be eating all the chips, drinking all the beers, flirting with everybody's fucking girlfriends. Bro, You are a parasite. Don't be a parasite. Don't be useless. Have something to contribute. And I would say, I would take it as this far. I wouldn't say men shouldn't spend on other women because that creates a fucked up loop in dating. But I'm not even mad at a guy who is like, I always wear the new clothes. I got the cool car and I buy mad shit for like when the guys hang out. I cover the bills sometimes. Because you know what? That might be the reason why your friends invite you out more. Well, who gives a fuck? As long as you get to be out. You know what I mean? This episode is not about the guy who's broke and unhealthy. This is about the guy who doesn't have a social circle. And I'm just going to play it in the way it's given. You got to play to your strengths. And I think that's pretty much what we're saying. Find your strengths and play to them amongst your peer group. So it could be any of those things, but just make sure you know what you're useful for. And I think that's what you were trying to say, Rich. You have to know what makes you useful to your tribe.

SPEAKER_02: 39:39

Yeah, I think that's a great analogy. And man, if you're somebody out there who are still struggling with making friends i think we need to share some actionable advice and sort of help you walk you through some items that can help you at least be a positive tribe to to that inner circle the way the way that another analogy when i heard you speaking is like man your your group of friends is like the seal team six bro like the seal team six these motherfuckers are built assassins like to go out and do the the most difficult missions together And there's one that's like a really good killer. There's one that's a really good sniper. Like these selected six group of men have very specialized skill sets and together they make a SEAL team. And that's what your inner

SPEAKER_01: 40:27

circle should be. You know, that made me think of something. I remember when you moved to Edgewater and we had the conversation when you came out to Cali to visit me. And you can explain to our community, I think you did in the past, about why you moved there, what transition you were in your life. You were saying like, bro, I'm in a more social part of my life like this is an era where I get to like do something I never really done before and I remember when you came out here you had said something to me like I had approached somebody started a conversation and you had said bro that's something that I've always known you to do and that's why like you're you Justin you could start a conversation with anybody bro and you I remember you telling me that's just not something that comes natural to me but my point there is that's why we make a good tandem because there's things that you would do that I would never do and it's a benefit to me and there's certain things when it comes to socializing that you know I would do. So I don't know if you want to share that example or if you remember when you told me that.

SPEAKER_02: 41:21

No, for sure. I mean, I would share that, bro, 75% of my network comes by proxy of being friends with you. Every single person I've ever met in the LA group of friends has been through you. I've met celebrities through you. I've met a lot of music industry folks through you. And these are some get money motherfuckers.

SPEAKER_01: 41:43

And you wind up getting cooler with them on the get money side. And I get cool with them on the pop out

SPEAKER_02: 41:51

on the weekend side. You're good at that. You live in these social circles where you understand how to put two and two equals four. You're not bringing a dude who loves crypto to a bunch of women. No, you're right. A dude who loves crypto who's antisocial and bringing them around a bunch of women. That's probably a bad example, but you know how to bring the right people together is what I meant to say.

SPEAKER_01: 42:38

I think a good excuse for men in their 30s and 40s, because I did see this a lot in the This is another one of the steel man arguments that pushed back on the simple points that we're making. It was like, bro, if you're a man, what do you do? You just approach another man at the bar and just start talking to him? And my advice is, yeah. Yeah. You'd be surprised. If you wore a fucking Knicks jersey long enough in Los Angeles, you're going to meet a lot of Knicks fans. Or you're going to meet people who don't like the Knicks, but they love basketball. You have to signal to the world that you're someone that's of a tribe and community and you want to start conversations. So it's not as fucking weird and gay as going up to another dude and being like, yo, I like your arms. It's not like that. It's more like, damn, fucking Knicks are never going to win as long as they have this guy as their coach. And you start dialogue. So that's kind of the point I was making, Rich. Find you a friend that's a good conversation starter or become someone that's okay with starting conversations. But I promise you, if the other dude is quasi normal he's going to respond to what you're saying. Cause there's like this simplicity amongst men that if we're both watching the same game, we can have a conversation about the same game. I've seen guys that are so good at networking, create multimillion dollar relationships with people they met in a fucking elevator. Yeah. And they'll say something as simple as like, Ooh, presidential Rolex classic. And that guy will look at him and be like, yeah, there's only one of a hundred. And then boom, the relationship starts there or they'll look at the weather and be like, man, it's, It's going to be humid all week. I should have warned this. Guy's going to be like, yeah, I'm from Nebraska. Oh, you're from Nebraska? Boom, conversation.

SPEAKER_02: 44:22

Done.

SPEAKER_01: 44:22

It's a lot different than women. You're not trying to fuck this guy. You're just trying to make a friend. So the goal finishes within the first conversation. It's like, oh, this guy is my... Oh, you come to this spot often? Yeah, I love this restaurant. You should check out the restaurant down the block. Oh, yeah, cool. What are you doing after this? Oh, I'm going to meet up with some friends. Oh, hey, I'm new to the city. Boom, you made a friend. I know it sounds easy, but the one piece of practical advice, if we are getting to the actionable advice part of the show, is that I want people to know that it usually just takes one open comment, not even a question, an open comment that will make the dialogue a lot easier. But if you're just living in your head, constantly hesitating on, should I, should I not? I'm fucking weird. Everybody thinks I'm weird. You're done. Don't even say anything. So give yourself a limit, five seconds. I'm just going to bring something up. And you know what? happens rich if the dude is a fucking asshole and he responds negatively cool You keep it moving. It's not like you're going to fucking melt and then your life is ruined because this dude, again, I keep thinking about men when I'm saying this, but I'm really thinking about women. It's like, it's more embarrassing when a girl doesn't respond. A guy, who gives a fuck?

SPEAKER_02: 45:33

Yeah, that reminds me of sort of like taking the path of least resistance when it comes to guys. Like if you think of, first of all, men were very simple creatures, right? If you think about building a friendship at work, I feel like that's the easiest place to build a friendship with co-workers who are like, you guys are working towards a common goal when it comes to projects or different initiatives. And then it's like, damn, I'm burnt down at the end of the day. Yo, you free after work? Yeah, cool. Let's go have a drink. Let's go grab some food or let's go catch a show. Whatever it is, maybe that's a very, very easy way to build camaraderie with someone and get you a friend. If you're the type of person who doesn't have a friend or doesn't have an inner circle. And, you know, just as you mentioned, bro, we're very simple creatures. Having the same allegiance to a sports team is a

SPEAKER_01: 46:28

very easy way. It's the easiest, bro. Easiest. Yeah. Like, I know you love UFC. Whenever I come home, I always look to see if there's a fight on. I know automatically you're bookending your weekend. Your lady knows that. Your kids know that.

SPEAKER_02: 46:45

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 46:45

Papa Rich is going to watch this fight because there's a fun storyline that you You've already convinced yourself you have to watch it. Bro, if I hit you up about the fight, you're going to be like, what are you going

SPEAKER_02: 46:54

to say? Yeah, and we'll be like, we're watching it. Come over. Right?

SPEAKER_01: 46:58

Pull

SPEAKER_02: 46:58

up. What kind of snacks you like? Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 47:00

Yeah, it's as simple as that. It's as simple as that. Now, I do want to get into more actionable advice, Rich, but there's one thing that I have to bring up. I feel like you have to understand that a lot of this... Wanting to have friends is correlated to a lot of the end goal, which is why a lot of friendships eradicate over time. Perfect example. I had about 20 guys I hung out with every week on different days of the week when I first came to California, LA to work in music, which is what I do for a living. I built that network because I was single and I didn't know anybody. And every time I popped out, I met more people. I met more women. I found new places to go to. And you know what happened? And I'm not ashamed to say this. The minute I officially locked in with my girl, 80% of those friends fell off. Why? Because they weren't as useful to the overall mission that I had. And there's nothing wrong with that. Same for you, Rich. If you got friends when you're single, it's a different type of energy when you got friends and you're in a relationship. So be clear on what you want. If you want to get more fit, hang out with some people that are doing fit Shit. Get you a friend that is at the gym. Join a hiking club. Join a group of people that are trying to do 20,000 steps a day. Join the tribe of people that are going to benefit you with a greater goal. So that's one thing I definitely wanted to place emphasis on. I find that to be a hack for sure. I have gym friends. I have financial friends. I have friends that I share stock advice with. I have personal finance friends. And when the time comes and I have a kid, I'm going to be fucking blowing up Rich's phone, blowing up my father's phone, blowing up my brother's phone. Why? Because they have kids. So it's okay to have an end goal in the relationship. And when that relationship fades away, when it's not football season anymore, you don't hang out with your Pittsburgh Steelers fans. It's okay. I don't think men are that emotional when it comes to that. I could be wrong, but I feel like men shouldn't be that emotional when it comes to that.

SPEAKER_02: 49:09

I think that's definitely actionable advice. Number one is pick a spot, show up weekly, whether that's the gym, a rec league, a cigar lounge, whatever your interests

SPEAKER_01: 49:23

are. Yeah, fuck it. Get into politics. Get extreme. Just join a democratic march to overthrow the government. I don't give a fuck. As long as there are women there, there's women and the potential for you to meet like-minded people, do it. Prioritize it because the only thing that matters is making a friend. All that other shit, you deal with it later. Bro, go to a gun range. I went to a gun range recently. Rich, it's crazy. Crazy. For sure. Orange County. It's funny. I'll tell a real story. One of my clients who I do a lot of like business with from the YouTube advertising side for the musicians I work with. He's incredible at what he does. Best of the best, got the best rates. And me and him developed a relationship over the phone. I would have shot him out, but I don't think he wants to be a public person, but I will show him this clip. Bro, one day he just, we just got cool. And I was like, yo, what are you doing on the weekends? He was like, I don't do anything. I go to the gun range. Have you ever been in the gun range? I was like, no. He's like, bro, calling me. It'll be the best time ever. I've never shot a gun in a controlled environment. That is just crazy to me. Went out with this guy, went to a two-hour ride, went to the gun range. Bro, there was about a thousand men there just firing off the craziest fucking gun. Bro, it made me feel like the bitch of all bitches because I was nervous in there. I was like, God damn. Look at all these caveman-ass men firing these huge assault rifles into these targets. But after a while... I got cool with everybody, started chopping it up, wanted to get some food, came back. Bro, I have like two or three guys that I'm, I mean, I don't go to the gun range anymore, but I made a friend doing some shit that was very uncomfortable to me. So something as simple as that, somebody I worked with, found out what he was interested in, and now we do even more business together because we both benefit from the business and we have a common interest.

SPEAKER_02: 51:05

I love it, bro. Man, another actionable advice I think is be the guy who invites.

SPEAKER_01: 51:11

This is a common theme with you, by the way. I'm starting to realize that a lot of people don't bring beers they don't host well listen my step pops mickey he's put me on to this a lot of people like to come and eat and drink but they don't like to contribute

SPEAKER_02: 51:25

yeah

SPEAKER_01: 51:25

bro

SPEAKER_02: 51:26

but it's like even more so is be the guy who creates the be the host be the host bro be the host what are the benefits of that bro the the camaraderie that you build you're the host you create a pleasant environment everyone's kicking it having fun you might share some fucking stock advice like it's just Just networking or even just casually catching up with the homie. I feel like oftentimes, first of all, men are fucking lazy, bro. We're lazy. We want to be invited. We just want to receive the text. All right, what day I got to be there and what time I got to be there? Cool. I just got to worry about my outfit and getting a haircut. But you can only be that guy for so long. At some point, bro, we've been to everybody's house except yours. You know what I mean? And we know you got a house. Bro, stop being lazy. Give us a date. Throw a party. get some snacks, throw on a pay-per-view or something, and let's all kick it. I

SPEAKER_01: 52:20

love that because you're saying if they make their place, even if it's a small apartment, even if you live with family, if you're the conductor of something, you're creating your own tribe from scratch, and you're kind of the person that's bringing everybody together. And what you're saying is make sure it's a grade A experience for your friends so they keep coming to hang out with you. So now they know when I hang out with Charlie, Charlie always got beers. Charlie always got snacks. He always got food there. I just pull up and enjoy myself and go. And you're hosting friends and you're creating a friend network.

SPEAKER_02: 52:54

Yeah, bro. Listen, if we take it back to the tribal days, for that moment, you are the alpha male. We are in your domain. You got the roast. We're in your

SPEAKER_01: 53:01

house. You got the pork roasting.

SPEAKER_02: 53:04

You're the man, bro. You know what I mean? You're the man. If you got some self-esteem issues, host a party and have some people pop out. I bet you'll feel good about yourself. That's

SPEAKER_01: 53:12

really great advice, Rich. That's really good, man. Think about it. of the only, I have a lot of negative traits. It's probably the only positive trait that I had until I was in my thirties that carried me through a lot of situations and made up for a lot of the shit I wasn't good at. But I will say now that I've gotten to know more younger guys that have been more socially isolated, have had a lot of these parasocial relationships, they've never really dated. If they did date somebody, it was one girl for a long time. When you're going back out there, you have to kind of start building this positive momentum about like how you See yourself. You can go and listen to our episode, which will probably be out by then, which is the 30-day reset. Listen to that episode. And you're on the second phase of the 30-day reset, and you're trying to build your friend network. I think it's important to get you a bundle of very clean black t-shirts from Amazon that fit well, get you a nice pair of jeans that fit well, not too expensive, get you a pair of sneakers that don't crease too much that you can clean up, black sneakers, and get you a haircut. and get comfortable with socializing and being okay with being comfortable in your skin. I think that is underrated because a lot of people don't see themselves as people that can offer value. And that's like some, it's not even 1.0, that's 0.5 shit. That's underground. That's like what we talked about in that episode. So I think just getting out of your own head is important. That's huge to me because I find that a lot of these guys that can't make friends, they're way further back than the advice that we're giving them, Rich. They don't see themselves as people that could even contribute Why would anybody be a friend with me? No one even talks to me. I was always a loser in high school. I didn't have too many friends in college. So that little narrative that they feed themselves, start building a little bit of positive momentum. Listen to our episode about getting your life together in 30 days. And the last piece of action advice I'll give on that is take any opportunity to be around people and start building your communication skills. I would say take a part-time sales class, take a public speaking course like If you're in a major city, you can find people that do public speaking. Take an improv class. Just start getting out of your shell. Start getting comfortable with being embarrassed because that will help you understand that it's not as embarrassing as you think it will be. Shit, I remember me and Rich took an improv course one time. I forced him.

SPEAKER_02: 56:03

Yeah, I do remember that.

SPEAKER_01: 56:04

There was a dude who was running into a lot of money that me and Rich could have invested in, and part of his friendship networking was doing improv. Mm-hmm. And I tricked Rich by telling him, yo, I know this guy who can get us a bag of money. And when we got there, I knew that we were going to do an improv class. And Rich hated me. You hated me in that moment, but we

SPEAKER_02: 56:27

did it. We did it. I felt like I was in a fake-ass SNL skit. But listen, I think that piece of advice is probably the most important, in my opinion. Because I feel like when you take the time to understand who you are, your vulnerabilities, and identify how to properly communicate with other people, especially other grown ass men, it lessens the burden of feeling like you have to fit in, like you have to be an imposter or act fake to the function. Going back to the, like, you don't got to lie to kick it. If you're that dude who just always feels like you need to try hard to fit in, bro, I promise you women, men, you're just going to get rejected. It's just like people identify fake shit from the jump. And part of why that person is being fake is because they're not comfortable in their own skin to feel like, man, I got to try to be somebody else to fit in with these people because I feel like if I act like my true self, I will not be accepted. I promise you the inverse is true. You will likely be more accepted for being who you are organically and you'll have higher chances of fitting in than you pretending to be like the five other dudes in the same function and And sort of like faking the funk. So I think that's the most important advice that we could possibly give.

SPEAKER_01: 57:51

I forgot where the quote came from, but it was, in order to have a good life, good company and good friendships are not optional. And it's a simple quote, but I think it's a truthful quote. Good company and good friends is family, your significant other, your immediate family, your kids, and friendship. And it's a simple one-liner, but if you really think about it, like just think about it right now, I couldn't imagine having all the money in the world, working really hard, grinding 24 hours a day. And if I came home to just no one for the rest of my life, So there's necessities in life like money, roof over your head, health, like true necessities. But good company is very underrated and good friends is very underrated because they kind of brings the whole thing full circle, you know? And I think that's really important. And I do want to get to this bullshit framework that I created because I feel like in the actionable advice, people want more direction, Rich. They're just like, okay, I got it. I took all the notes on this episode. I'm 55 minutes in, but what do I do? Which is frustrating because it's like, you're a grown fucking man. You should figure it out. But I'll give you one further, Rich, and I'm curious to know what you think about this. I'm calling this one the 555, dedicated to my favorite meal at Wendy's when I was broke. I don't even know if it exists anymore. Five days a week, just create a calendar. Get any calendar. You could fucking hand draw the calendar Don't tell me I don't have the money to get a calendar. Just hand draw the calendar. Get you a pen. Get you a fucking paper. Draw you a grid. I used to do this when I was single. On my calendar, I needed two days to reset, rest, make sure I got my work done because that was paying the bills. But simultaneously, I prioritized what was important to me and that was meeting people in California and LA and meeting women. And I knew I wasn't going to be able to survive out here if I didn't do that because I didn't really know anybody outside of the people that were in my business. So the 5-5-5 was I would five days a week put something on my calendar to do outside. I didn't have to even meet I just had to go outside. So if I was going to have lunch, I went out to go eat lunch. If I was going to have dinner, I would literally book one seat at a restaurant and just eat at the bar. Because being out creates this like, I have to get dressed, I have to line my beard up, I have to put on cologne, I have to be out. You increase the probability of accidentally running into somebody when you're in the outside world. That will never happen if you're in the inside world. So five days a week, it could be something simple like getting tacos. You don't have to spend a lot of money. You can go out and get an empanada. You don't got to spend a lot of money. So make sure your feet are touching grass and your face is feeling sun five days a week. Put it in your calendar. I'm going here. Of those five days, you mentioned this, Rich, two of them should be things you do weekly. You had recommended something. I forgot what it was, but what's an example of something people could do weekly that is not expensive, but they could pop out and just do and meet people?

SPEAKER_02: 1:01:06

Yeah, just like the gym join a rec league go play basketball just different hobbies

SPEAKER_01: 1:01:12

yeah even honestly even going to church if you have a family member that goes to church

SPEAKER_02: 1:01:16

yeah

SPEAKER_01: 1:01:16

churches every Sunday church is free you could fake put something in that little basket you know what I mean do the fake out free you know who's at church this is actually a fun fact for all my single guys out there unfortunately the church has done a very terrible job at marketing to men not saying anything about God I'm a man of God I wear the cross I'm not a fucking crazy radical. Please stay out of our inbox. I'm saying most churches are mostly women. For whatever reason, they've done a better job of marketing to women. Women go to church a lot. Older women, grandmas. But I know what you're thinking. Oh shit, there's grandmas there. What do I want to be there for? Grandmas have granddaughters. Grandmas have grandsons. If you're a good dude and you're contributing to your local church and you're doing charity, you do homeless food drives, you're going to meet people. The goal is to make friends. It's a good opportunity to do that. Churches every Sunday and football is an obvious one. And the second five is cold intros. When you're out, just say the most simplest thing that comes to your mind. I'll give you an example. Rich jumped on the stream one time. I couldn't tell if he had just worked out or he's just getting like stronger. But the first thing I told you, what did I tell you when you got on the stream, Rich? Not today, a few days ago.

SPEAKER_02: 1:02:31

Yeah, you were like, oh, the boulder shoulders, they're looking broad.

SPEAKER_01: 1:02:35

How'd you feel? Yeah, I felt good. Right? because you were in the fucking gym and you were like, man, I'm glad somebody noticed. That wasn't a homosexual compliment that I was giving a friend that I'd had for 20 years. I recognized something and I paused. I was like, it'd be weird. So you know what? Fuck it. I'm just going to give him the compliment because I can see that he looks bigger. And something as simple as that, don't go fucking complimenting a grown man on their shoulders. I'm saying if a guy has a pair of sneakers that you have or he's wearing a team that you like, you could be like, oh, they're never going to win this year. or like I said before wear merchandise of the things you're interested in wear it out if a dude had a Adesanya champion shirt I bet you you'd mention it if you saw him in real life

SPEAKER_02: 1:03:19

yeah something as simple as that you know where somewhere that I always find that I have like the most organic conversation is in the barbershop bro I go get a haircut barbershop perfect somebody will mention one topic the whole shop is talking about that one topic and we're just laughing it's like good vibes is like, and you know, naturally you just, you learn how to communicate with other men. There's nothing more manlier than having a conversation in a barbershop with a group of grown ass men and all like laughing and sharing in a common topic.

SPEAKER_01: 1:03:50

Now I know haircuts are expensive, but shit, that's something you can do two times a month. You get a little lineup and then you get the full haircut. It's a two for one. Gym is a two for one. Hiking is a two for one. Running is a two for one. Going to the barbershop is a two for one. Going to church is a two for one, what's a two for one? You can meet people and also accomplish one of your goals. Last thing I'll say of the five is do five outreaches. Pings, we'll call them pings. Rich, you mentioned it before. Whether it's just DMing old friends, looking through their stories, or texting people you haven't spoken to in a while, do five of those a week. I promise you, if you go outside five times, you ping five people that you already know just to catch up with them, and you do five cold intros in real life, I promise you that wheel of compound will start spinning. And by month three, I promise you have one or two friends that are in some weird shit that you're into and you go out with them, you hang out with them and you're truly finding your tribe. That's the actionable advice. It was, I know it was a lot, but I feel like that's something that's truly actionable and it has a cool title like the five, five, five.

SPEAKER_02: 1:05:00

Yeah. Yeah. I'll, I'll share one more and then I got another one that we could close with, but I want to reiterate that auditing your search Assuming that you do already have friends is probably one of the most important things that you can do. You could have a group of friends that could be fucking drug addicts that love to drink alcohol, love to do drugs. And I mean, like they could point you in the wrong direction. And they're just a cancer to like your inner tribe and your circle. And then you have other get money dudes, motivational dudes, career driven dudes that want to push you and strive you to do more. So very important. Order your circle, bro. somebody or a group of friends are not serving the common goal and the purpose or where you're trying to head in life, then start trimming the fat. Start cutting out the tumors, the cancer in your inner circle. I can't stress that enough. That's why I'm bringing it up again because that's extremely vital for you to sort of feel good about the tribe that you're in.

SPEAKER_01: 1:05:58

I'm not sure if we brought that up during this recording or it was a pre-show, but Rich, we talked about having shoulder-to-shoulder friendships friendships, which shoulder to shoulder means you are both staring at the same problem trying to solve it together. And I think the best visual metaphor for our community would be two guys trying to fix a car. Two guys trying to chop down a tree. Two guys looking at a business plan, a whiteboard with a business plan in front of it. Shoulder to shoulder friends are you guys doing the most caveman tribal shit and that's hunting together to go and bring back something that beneficial to both of us. And the shoulder-to-shoulder friendships are the best because they're all serving towards a common goal.

SPEAKER_02: 1:06:44

Yeah, going to the shooting range, right? Passing the gun from one guy to the other and just kind of sharing that moment I think is very important. And then, man, lastly, I think we could really close on just understanding that all of this takes work, bro. You and I have been friends 15, 16 plus years. This shit is not built overnight, like a solid relationship with another grown man takes work, takes understanding, takes like accountability. Like if you fuck up, you tell me I fucked up. If I fuck up, you tell me I fucked up. You know what I mean? Vice versa. This shit takes work, bro.

SPEAKER_01: 1:07:22

Yo, you know what? I'm glad you said that. The level of bitch assness amongst grown men. No, I'm serious. I thought we were going to be

SPEAKER_02: 1:07:30

empathetic,

SPEAKER_01: 1:07:31

bro. No, no, no. I want to give you your flowers, bro. I want to give you flowers. Cool. I find that a lot of men do a lot of fuck shit to each other and that's one thing that's part of the audit that I'm pretty sure you didn't mention it but I think that's a part of your audit right like if you lend somebody 50 bucks and they never pay you back cool they don't pay you back but them$50 you don't have a friend that will ever ask you for money and never pay you back again so I'm sorry to jump in but I think the bitch assness amongst your crew of friends is important because the less petty gossipy bitch assness you got in your friend group the more healthier and more long-term the friendships become because I never got to worry about that with you, Rich. I know I don't.

SPEAKER_02: 1:08:12

Yeah, and those make for the best relationships, bro. I know I could leave$1,000 on the table and leave my house and not have to worry like, damn, are those thousands still going to be there when I come back? I left Justin in my crib alone. Exactly. That's never a question, right? But we've built that trust and that relationship.

SPEAKER_01: 1:08:30

You made me think of it because you said it takes time. That takes work. Trust comes with time. Yes, absolutely. Wait, one other thing before we go. I don't know if you have anything else to add, but your mother is not your best friend. Your mother is not your fucking best friend. Don't ever say those things. I've seen two dudes in our community say that. It can't be that way, bro. It can't. You could rock with your mother. You were inside of her body. Of course you guys are locked in. That's your twin for real. It came from her. But she can't be your fucking best friend because what she... is giving you, you can't get that from the world. Like it's a different type of relationship.

SPEAKER_02: 1:09:12

Agreed.

SPEAKER_01: 1:09:12

A woman that is sexually interested in you and a close friend, a compadre, somebody that's 10 toes down with you is a different type of relationship that is not a given. A mother's love is a given, bro. That shit is special because it has to be. That's part of the contract. When your dad, if he was around, signed your birth certificate, your mother was there and they seen you you come out of her body, that relationship is a guarantee, bro. Don't ever fucking call your mom your best friend if you have no real life friends. Stop it, five. And I'll say another one. You want to have a great relationship with your girlfriend, you want to have a great relationship with your wife, you want to have a great relationship with your significant other. They can be a version of a best friend, but there's a different type of relationship you have with men that you can't have with your significant other. and understand that. Why did I say those two rich in our actionable advice section? Because I find a lot of these guys find a lot of their safe haven in their mothers and in their significant others. And it's not allowing them to go out and make these platonic male friendships that fill them in a way that makes them feel more masculine, makes them feel more a part of something bigger. Who the fuck are you going to vent to if you want to vent about your mother and your girlfriend? Get you a good friend like Rich. We're probably going to hang out from this show and he's going to call me and vent about his family. I'm going to vent about my family. And we know that no one is ever going to say anything about the conversation we just had. That is a good friendship, in my opinion.

SPEAKER_02: 1:10:47

Yeah, man. There you have it, bro.

SPEAKER_01: 1:10:49

Toast to our friendship. Fuck it. We are the envy of this relationship. I mean, we're the envy of this podcast because I have my friend. Yeah. Find yours, bro.

SPEAKER_02: 1:10:57

Yeah. The friendship recession, it's a real thing, Just. And hopefully we shared some tips that'll help you make some friends, bro, and help you be a positive member of your tribe.

SPEAKER_01: 1:11:07

Yeah, and obviously me and Rich got some facts wrong. We said the wrong things. We're going to get canceled. You probably have questions or comments. Please reach out to us, email us. All of our platforms will have our email address where you can contact us directly. Rich and I, we've been discussing what do we want to do for our community. I don't know if you want to share it here, but we're not mad at doing one-on-ones just to get to know our community better. No cost, totally free. And what was the other thing we wanted to do with that?

SPEAKER_02: 1:11:35

Yeah, we were thinking about doing just a gif or a raffle. We're thinking of creative ways to get you guys to join our newsletter, click on our podcast, rate the podcast. We're working on different ways to bring everyone together. We're going to launch a Discord, Patreon.

SPEAKER_01: 1:11:50

There's a lot coming. I think the number one thing I need them to do is just become a part of our newsletter community. It's probably the best way we're going to be able to reach out to them one-to-one. We'll be back with a lot more updates there. The Friendship Recession, make sure you do five things this week that can make you a friend. I never thought I'd be making this fucking episode, Rich.

SPEAKER_00: 1:12:13

It's crazy. Aight,

SPEAKER_01: 1:12:16

y'all. Peace.