SPEAKER_00: 0:02

And just knowing how to stretch a dollar, like, bro, you're going to need that skill for your entire life. And I think like things like the resume building, the budgeting, the communication, the negotiating skills, these are just fundamentals that a man is going to need. This is these are non-optionals, bro. Like, you need these skills. You're going to use them for your entire life. Whether you want to try to pick them up at 19 or not, you're going to need these skills.

SPEAKER_01: 0:31

Failures podcast. Today, Rich and I are talking about the myth behind adulting and what adulting really means for young men in their early 20s. Rich, most people say you're supposed to have it all figured out by 21 years old or 19 years old. And I think that's not true. I think it's unfair to young people. Here's what nobody tells you. You may look grown, you may have a beard, you may be tall, you may maybe even have some chest hairs, but you're still young, you're still developing. And it's scientifically proven that your skills and your brain literally haven't finished developing yet. Research tells us that part that handles impulse control and long-term decisions doesn't fully develop until you're about 25. Shit, I'm 39, and sometimes I believe I'm still developing and still learning. So if you feel like you're winging it and everybody else online and your friends and your older relatives or family, they say they got it all figured out. I'll be honest with you, I think that's cap. If I could go back and teach my younger self a few things, these are the things on this episode that we're going to talk about. These little things that we're going to discuss, they may not seem obvious or might not go viral on YouTube or TikTok. They're important. They're going to save you a decade of unnecessary stress. Rich, off top, what's something you wish someone would have taught you in your early 20s to prepare you for adulting? Or was there an incident you had in your life that you were like, oh shit, this might be the beginning of me being an adult?

SPEAKER_00: 2:09

Yeah. I mean, listen, for starters, what makes you an adult, right? Is it when you turn 18? Is it when you get your first overdraft fee? Or is it when people just stop doing things for you, right? Like that's one of the things that we're here to unpack. I remember when I first had to pay my own rent. That's when I first felt like, damn, I'm an adult, right? Like my mom's not here to pay the rent for me. And now I have bills and responsibilities. And that sort of lays out the foundation for adulting.

SPEAKER_01: 2:43

Yeah, I mean, I think it just comes down to once the responsibilities stop being cute, I would say, I mean, I don't know. I feel like in the neighborhoods we grew up in, there's a lot of things that get put on your plate that most people that come from two family incomes, two family households, more traditional structure, they may not get the burden that people that come from inner cities, that have broken families, and don't necessarily have the best earners in the family. So, should I be curious to know at a younger age, was there even a burden of financial responsibility or even taking care of your siblings? That could be the earlier signs of adulting, in my opinion.

SPEAKER_00: 3:24

Yeah, for sure. Growing up, having to help my mom with my younger brothers was certainly something that made me mature a lot faster. Man, I just remember like when you think about adulting, not being able to outsource your problems is like the first step in feeling like you're an adult. When your tires go out and you don't know how to change a tire yourself and you have to call on somebody, right? Or when you need to borrow money, right? Like there's a lot of different things in life that make you feel like either you're an adult or you're not prepared to be one.

SPEAKER_01: 3:58

Yeah. I mean, those are the smaller and more practical things, and we're definitely going to get into that uh a little later in the show. But Rich, just as a general premise, what was it about this topic that stood out to you and why was it so important to you? And what's some things you want to discuss earlier in the episode?

SPEAKER_00: 4:15

Yeah, I feel like this term comes up a lot on the internet, like adulting, right? When you're going out grocery shopping for the first time, or when you're going out shopping for appliances for the first time, it's like hashtag adulting. There's a lot of different things that feel like, oh, I'm doing what grown-ups do, right? Or I'm not going to the club and I'm staying at home watching Netflix, hashtag adulting. And yeah, there's certainly this shift. I don't know when it happens, 25 years old, maybe even post-30, where you just start to feel like you're doing more adult things.

SPEAKER_01: 4:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 4:50

And the things you were doing when you were younger are no longer attractive anymore. So that's what we're here to unpack is just kind of like why that is, and what are some of the tips that we can help other young men understand that, hey man, before you reach adulthood, right? Before you cross over, you need to learn some of these basic fundamentals if you want to survive in this world of adulting.

SPEAKER_01: 5:13

You know, when you frame it that way, what really comes to mind, and this was totally unplanned and unscripted, but I think it's the death of your innocence. Every action that you take when you're quote unquote adulting doesn't have that cute little childhood patina on it where people can forgive you for being like, oh, he's 14 years old, he's 15 years old, he's figuring it out. I think that is the death of innocence in your actions and this phrase that gets used a lot, which is, oh, he's still figuring it out. You know, he got a lot of life to live. I feel like that curve, it looks cute to your family and friends' curve, kind of hits a steep decline once you hit 19, 20, 21, and every action you take has way more consequences. And that's when you're graduating high school. That's when you you can be intimate with a girl, but the decisions you make with that intimacy could lead to a permanent child, which Rich, I know you know about, and I definitely know about. There's a lot of small actions that your parents and the people who are guiding you are kind of trying to remind you, hey, you're becoming an adult. The actions that you're taking, they're gonna have way more consequences. So I think that's something that we should add into that formula of adulting. It's not adorable anymore. It's actually very, uh a very serious conversation they're trying to have with you at a younger age.

SPEAKER_00: 6:31

Yeah, that's interesting. It's sort of like taking the training wheels off of life and kind of like now you're on your own. You have no one to blame, you have no one to lean on, you have no one to do things for you, and you have to do things on your own. So it's it's sort of like forcing you into your independence. And unfortunately, unfortunately, sometimes you're ready for that, and other times you're not. And we're like the dudes who are not ready to become an adult, and they're becoming these like man babies that women just absolutely hate because it's like, man, did your parents not teach you how to be an adult? Like, why do I have to do all these things for you?

SPEAKER_01: 7:07

I actually love that because I was trying to figure out the best angle that would help our community, which we know, you know, from doing a lot of episodes and kind of obsessing over this pocket of young guy that we're talking to. Such a great point. I mean, they may not think it's important at this moment in their life to develop these skills, but there is something to be said about when you go out into college or you first start dating and you're considering moving in with another person. These skills may be overlooked, but they're crucial. Uh uh, Rich, you had a laundry list of things that I figured out the hard way on how to do. But you were you were telling me, bro, do you remember the first time we did these things? It was like algebra. It was impossible to figure out how to fucking sign a lease contract for your first apartment or how to fix a washing machine if your washing machine broke down, or like auto mechanic stuff, which I fucking hate cars. If it was up to me, I would never touch a car in my life. But little things like that, that if you're around a girl or you're around people who are dependent on you and your mommy's not around, what do you do?

SPEAKER_00: 8:13

Yeah, for me it was like having to pay my rent for the first time and them telling me, hey, we only accept cash check or like money orders. And I'm like, what the fuck is a money order? Like, yeah, no idea how to get a money order. You know, just going to the supermarket and seeing like the bounty paper towel,$6, and then uh looking at the the competitor$1 paper towel and be like, I'm getting the$1 because I'm trying to save some money. But then you take that paper towel back home and it doesn't clean as well. And you're like, damn, I should have gotten the more premium.

SPEAKER_01: 8:47

Yeah, I think everything kind of goes back to two categories, and me and you could unpack whichever one you think is the most relevant to today's topic. I think one is having a basic understanding of money in and money out. We have episodes where we're talking about investing and practical finance, personal finance. This is money in, money out. And I think it's something that my family specifically, we didn't come from a lot. And I think they tried to overteach us as kids if you don't make no money, you don't get to have a decision or any type of input in this house because you don't contribute to the little bit of resources we have here. And I think that's a big adulting moment when you realize, oh, the reason why I wasn't given any autonomy or any freedom in my house is because I wasn't contributing. And the minute you start making enough money to contribute for yourself, you realize how quick a dollar in could be a dollar out based on something as simple as toothpaste, toilet paper, deodorant, unexpected cost one, unexpected cost two, unexpected cost three. So there is the more practical side and the very basic advice that Rich and I will get into at some point in the show, but let's talk about money in and money out, Rich. Because that to me is basic finance, personal finance at the most 101 level. And it hurts when you get a whole paycheck and it's gone in a few days. That's adulting.

SPEAKER_00: 10:11

Yeah, bro. I remember that it's funny you say that. I remember my son selling something on eBay. Like I help him sell like a figurine that that was a collectible.

SPEAKER_01: 10:20

That's the most rich son thing of all time.

SPEAKER_00: 10:25

And it was like a hundred dollar figurine. And he was like, oh man, telling me all these things he's gonna do with this hundred dollars. And I'm like, whoa, whoa, whoa, wait a minute. You know you have to pay fees on this, you know you have to pay taxes on this, you know you have to pay shipping and handling. He's like, What? What are these things? And I'm like, bro, you're gonna end up with at least half of what you sold it for. Yeah, and he couldn't believe it. And I'm like, welcome to a little piece of uh adulting.

SPEAKER_01: 10:50

Man, I love that. I I think the way we should reframe the episode is more like adulting, the fine print in the contract of life. And that's really what it is is all these hidden costs and fine print that as a young person, you're looking at 21 years old and you're like, man, I can't wait till I turn 21. Life is gonna be so lit. Do you feel that younger people still have that perspective? Because I feel like when we were older, we didn't have all the information that they have now. And what is it about this show premise that you think could be helpful?

SPEAKER_00: 11:26

Yeah, when you're 21, you can't wait to drink, and then you see how much a bottle costs, and you're like, damn. That's a great point. You know what I mean? That's the fine print, is like, yeah, you could drink now, but a a good tequila bottle is gonna run you at least$60, right? Yeah, the fine print.

SPEAKER_01: 11:45

Like these little things in life that are not all fun. And by the way, all fun and irresponsible behavior comes at a price. Like, just let's go with the example of drinking. What if you got a job the next morning and now you're getting up to go to that job with a hangover? You know, it just makes me think of our parents. I know my mother was really big at this. Like, you'll know more when you get there. That was kind of the philosophy, which was like, so for now, you have to listen to me. The rules I'm giving you and the foundation I'm laying down, I'm preparing you for what comes next. And that's kind of the premise of what we're talking about today. It's like, what can prepare you for what's going to come next? What is adulting? And shit, there's a million things that I could look at that are uh more from a physical standpoint, but I do like the idea of talking about it from a financial standpoint because there's uh this thing, uh, I think it's called the hedonic treadmill, where it doesn't matter how much money you make if you don't have control of your discipline and if you don't have control of your finances, you're always gonna find a way to spend the money that you make. So it doesn't matter how much more money you make every year, you're always gonna find new ways to fill that gap. So, what was once going out to eat once a month because it was a luxury, now you're going out to eat four times a month. What once was buying two pairs of shoes a month because you want to look good when you go out, now you're going out four times more. So you're spending four times more on shoes. You used to have a gym membership for$20, but now you're at a$150 gym. You used to use hand-me-down furniture when you moved into your apartment. Now you're buying your own furniture and you're paying a premium for it. So easily the$30,000 promotion you got at your job, or you switched to a new job and you started getting into your career, hedonic adaptation just fills that. And you kind of feel just as broke as you were two years ago when you weren't making any money. And that is adulting for sure. Because I've done that most of my life where I'm like, yo, where the fuck does all my money go? Like, I can't even save or invest the way I want to because it just evaporates.

SPEAKER_00: 13:55

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 13:55

And it's not evaporating. I don't have good control of my money. That's the problem.

SPEAKER_00: 13:59

Yeah. The the rule number one of adulting is whatever you make, uh, you're only getting half. The other half is going to Uncle Sam, right? Taxes. Yeah, bro. That's huge.

SPEAKER_01: 14:09

This is a little further down the road. I don't think it's good for a younger guy, but maybe anybody out there that's getting money. I know a lot of young guys getting money. You get that big payday, you get a bonus. You've been plotting to sell something, whether it's a home or a car. Bro, that tax, you're like, God damn, I made 30. They took 15. This is crazy. And I live in LA. Jersey's bad too. New York is awful. Yeah. Yeah. We're about to turn this into a whole other podcast right now. Yeah. Bro, it's crazy to get. By the way, you don't think about that as a kid. For sure you don't.

SPEAKER_00: 14:41

No, you don't. You don't. And you know what this kind of makes me think about too is there's there's sort of two paradigms. There's this practical advice where there's just things that you should know as you enter adulthood. And the other side of the spectrum is some of the stuff you just actually have to live, bro. Because it's different when you have to go to the supermarket and buy your own shit and see the prices of everything, versus when your mom used to do all the grocery shopping. You have no idea. You're oblivious to how much everything costs. So there's this weird paradigm shift where, like, okay, now I'm buying things for myself, and I see how much things cost, and I see how much I have to save in order to just do something as simple as go grocery shopping. I remember a huge mistake I made going to college where I applied for financial aid FAFSA, and I get this big approval letter,$10,000. I'm like, oh shit. And I look at my my bill for my semester, and it was like, oh,$6,000. But FAFSA had approved me for$10,000. So they cut me a check for the balance of that remainder to my name. And I was like, oh, this is just extra, bro. I was so happy, bro. I went to the bank, I cashed it, put$4,000 in my pocket. I was like, oh man, I love, I love college. Bro, years later, I graduate. Turns out, you actually have to pay that money back. That's not a handout, right? No one told me to beware of the fine print, as you mentioned, about getting a student loan and being approved for more than what you actually need and what to do with the remaining money. I was supposed to put that back in the pot and say, hey, FAFSA, federal government, no thank you. Here's the money back for what I didn't spend on this semester. So, yeah, bro, that fine print, 100%.

SPEAKER_01: 16:39

Rich, you know, when we do our graphics, one of my bullet points of my failure resume, which will now be in this graphic, is that I'm still paying off loans. And so am I. And if you want to know why I'm still paying off loans, is because of what you just said. I thought that when they gave me an X amount, so there was a play that we used to run at Ruckers. It really wasn't a play because I got killed in my 30s because I still have to pay this money back. And it was accruing fucking um interest. Yeah, it was accruing interest. So I was never paying off of the base. I was I was just kind of paying off my interest every year with doing the minimum payment.

SPEAKER_00: 17:19

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 17:20

But we thought we were running a play at Rutgers, and we would fill up our schedule. This was like a common thing with 20 credits. Minimum was like 15 at the time or 14. We would fill it up with 20, go to financial aid, get the check cut for the 20, and then drop the classes before the payment went in, and you would get back 10 because now you're getting paid for the classes that you never actually enrolled in. Right. So every semester, I would get 10 to live off of, and then I would just mob on campus the whole year. And I can't lie, I bought DJ equipment one year with that. So I at least I was DJing in college with that. I bought jewelry with that, I bought clothes with that, and now at 39, I look back at all the interest that came from those loans that I didn't need, and that's the fine print. But those are the little things in life that if you could figure out early, you don't have to pay the taxes literally and figuratively as you get older. So what we discussed earlier, Rich, was like, what were some things that you wish you would have learned earlier in life that would have prevented you from all the pain that you feel now from having to experience adulting? I think that's one of them for sure. I don't know if you have any other one.

SPEAKER_00: 18:38

Yeah, that that's one for sure. I mean, another experience that I had, still keeping it in the college theme, was I remember driving to campus one day, getting a flat tire, and then not knowing who to call. Like I wasn't gonna call my mom to help me change a flat tire. I had the replacement tire, I had all the equipment to replace it myself, and I had no idea how to do this myself. So it was almost like a gut punch to my manhood. It's like, damn, I need to figure these things out because I am quote unquote an adult already, and I don't know how to change a tire of a car. All right. That's just another example of like one of those realizational moments for me where like it's like, dude, you you you gotta you gotta pick these things up. Like you're an adult now.

SPEAKER_01: 19:24

Yeah, and you had mentioned this earlier, and I want to get into it because there's no segment that we discuss on Failures Podcast that an audience that is young men under the age of 28 are not thinking about women. Because that is what they're always thinking about. Everything is a road that leads back to women. Money, women, fitness, women, a good career, women. That is all roads lead to women. And I thought you mentioned this on our pre-show meeting where we kind of build out the plan for the show. Something as small as knowing how to be useful as a guy and fixing a flat tire, how much of an advantage that gave you with women. And then the opposite is also true. If you don't know how to do these things, you seem like an insanely incompetent human. I know you experience it now because you own a home and your family's home, but when things go wrong, even at 37, I'm sure everybody just looks at you like, all right, so what do we do?

SPEAKER_00: 20:20

Yeah, think about what you're supposed to be for a woman, a protector, a provider, and you don't know how to change a light bulb. You know what I mean? Like, you can't mow the lawn. The Wi-Fi's down, I don't know what to do. Sorry. Yeah, bro, that's unacceptable. Like a woman is naturally going to look to you for you to resolve these like manly problems. She's not trying to take out the garbage or learn how to fix the garbage disposal. Like, these are just grown-ass man things that you need to learn. And if you don't know how to do them, go on YouTube and you know what I mean and do a quick search and just pick up that skill.

SPEAKER_01: 20:58

Yeah. I mean, I want to stay here because I think as we continue to build our catalog, I always want to make it clear this is something that I learned the hard way, which was understanding what it is that women scientifically want from a counterpart, which most of the time is a guy. If you can't fix something and she naturally starts fixing it herself, in that moment, it's not gonna seem like the worst thing in the world because both of you guys are operating from a survival standpoint, which, you know, something as simple as you leaving your wallet at home and the restaurant doesn't take Apple Pay, and she pays$60 for the sushi that you guys just had. She's not gonna be mad at it in that moment because it was more of like uh, oh, mistakes happen. But there's a real crazy subconscious thing that happens with women, and if it's not with them, it's with their friends and their parents and the people they care about them. There comes this like negative credit that if you continuously become the guy that is not aware of what's going on, didn't plan anything out, you didn't look around the corner to see if a problem was ahead of you. Uh, you you parked on the wrong side of the street, she got a ticket, you forgot your credit card, she paid for the bill, it was cold out, you didn't pack a sweater for her, she doesn't have a sweater, now you're at Disneyland, it's freezing, and both of y'all gotta leave early. All those little things that you don't think ahead on with your adulting part of your brain, they accrue into a very frustrated woman who doesn't understand why she resents you, but she still finds you attractive. And what happens is they become frustrated because they always have to constantly be prepared for what comes next in the relationship. This is why a good mechanism for women, and I I know this because my girl told me this and many, you know, other my women friends, a good test for a guy is to go on a road trip or travel together. And if a man can't handle the 97 points of logistics that come from flying to another country or a long road trip, then that guy is probably not prepared for the seriousness that comes with life and potentially building a family with that person. And now don't get it fucked up. I know who our audience is, so I'm not saying at 22 you should be thinking about a family, but naturally women operate that way. And they're constantly evaluating and curating the selection of what guy they want to be with based on who could potentially be a liability. So adulting and being good at adulting and understanding the blind spots of adulting are correlated with are you a liability? Am I gonna have to treat you like a big ass kid all the time and take care of you? Or are you somebody that's gonna help and contribute and make sure my life is a little bit easier so I could do what I gotta do? A bit of a tangent, but I do believe for all my guys out there that only think about the poon, and that's all that's in their mind, that's why this episode is important. You have to understand that these things are precursors to a man who can provide long term and be a source of accountability long term.

SPEAKER_00: 24:04

I love that. That's huge. And when you think about a relationship, uh you guys are leaning to each other for many different obstacles that you're navigating in life, right? She's looking to you for certain things, you're looking at her for certain things. So when the relationship becomes one-sided and she's just solving all the problems and all the obstacles, is like at that point you're a liability and you're actually being looked at less of a man, less of an adult. And a woman doesn't want that, bro. She wants a man that matches her maturity level, and we're hoping to share something that will help you guys out and help you unpack that.

SPEAKER_01: 24:42

A few episodes ago, we did dating red flags. I promise you, we're not the show for women. But if there was one for women, and we put our mothers and our girlfriend's mothers on the show, that would be a red flag for a guy, for sure. I mean, think about the phrase you mentioned earlier. He's a man baby. What does that really mean? Have you unpacked that? Women use that as a phrase to be like, girl, run the opposite way. He's a man baby.

SPEAKER_00: 25:10

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 25:11

Why is that? Unpack that, Rich. What is it about that phrase that is truly a red flag from a girl's mother to their daughter?

SPEAKER_00: 25:17

Yeah, like I said, it's the maturity level. They're looking for a man to be able to protect and provide and build a safe home for them. If if you're somebody who's just a goofy dude, and you know what I mean? Like, if you are the type of guy who you just spent all your time playing video games, just hanging out and now focused on the family, focused on your girlfriend or wife, focused on your children, it's it's naturally gonna create resentment towards you. And it's a burden to the relationship, right? She needs somebody who's mature, somebody who can carry a conversation, somebody who she feels comfortable having around, whether it be with his friends, her friends, or or family. So I think it's it's an overall like just synergy of do I have a man? Is my man an adult? It's trust, right? Can I trust this person? If shit got bad, right? Like, does he got it financially? If somebody broke into our house, does he have it physically? Right? It's like it's like a weird concoction of like all these things that a man should be.

SPEAKER_01: 26:22

It's not weird at all because that's how they're designed. They are literally and physically smaller than men. It's just science at this point. On average, men are larger and designed in a way that women naturally I'll put it to you this way, just so nobody fucking cancels the show. If I was around a guy that was six foot six and he played in the NFL and he was in his physical prime and we went to the club together, chances are I'd feel a little bit more comfortable about a fight breaking out and me being with my boy Eddie, who used to be a lineman for the Jets. And I think that is the same premise that goes for a woman who sees you as the more physical and larger specimen of the two. And this subconscious thing happens where they're like, oh, I'm gonna tack on that biological feeling that I have towards my man, and then I'm gonna add all these other things that just naturally come with being the larger, uh, more violent, prone person in the two. So I'm gonna give them all these other responsibilities. It's really your job to fuck up those other responsibilities. So as time goes on, they realize oh, he's not healthy, he's overweight, this man couldn't outrun a fucking chihuahua. There's no way he could save me. Every time I ask him to pick up something in the house, he's always complaining that it's too heavy, he got to get a mover. Every time something breaks in the house, he always complains, he doesn't fix it, it stays broken for a long time. Oh, this guy's not someone that is helpful. Yeah, he cannot rescue me from the zombie apocalypse. You want to know a real life tip, and we could pivot into the second segment after this, Rich? Cool. This is real game. Take out your notepads or your iPhone and write this shit down, or just play me on speaker next to Chat GPT and just let it write it down. If you really want to know if your girl or your potential girlfriend sees you as the shining light that is a hero in her life, watch a horror film with her. Ideally, watch a zombie movie with her. And in the middle of the zombie movie, pause it and say, babe, out of curiosity, if we were in a zombie apocalypse and you could only be with two people to help you get through the zombie apocalypse, who would it be? If she picks two other grown men other than you, you're not the guy in her life. I promise you, you're just a pretty person that she's getting a nut off with, and she wants no future plans with you because you're not someone that can build the foundation of a house because she sees you as a delicate flower that can't handle the zombie apocalypse. I've done it before, it works. If you don't come up in the first two draft picks, it's a dub. Just keep it moving, my boy. You're not like that.

SPEAKER_00: 29:23

You're failing adulting.

SPEAKER_01: 29:26

Straight up.

SPEAKER_00: 29:27

Oh before we move on to the next segment, I want to throw maybe two or three, you know you're adulting when, and I want to get your feedback. Yeah. So uh here's one. You know you're adulting when you can't hoop like you used to. One pickup game has your knees hurting for over a week. What's your feedback?

SPEAKER_01: 29:47

Man, you know what the fuck you were doing when you wrote that one. Um you know what you're doing. Bro, I was I'm obsessed with basketball. It's one of the two passions and hobbies that I try to stay away from because it consumes. Me in a way that it's something I can do forever, and it's not a tie to any of my real life responsibilities. And to answer your question, there's no pain like the pain of playing four to five pickup basketball games in the in the hot sun and going your hardest. The next three days are hell, bro. And I knew I was adulting once the three days of recovery were like I couldn't even get out of bed, bro. Parts of my body were hurting that I didn't even know in joints that I didn't even know existed on my body. So yeah, for sure. That and I don't drink, but I know hangover is another similar one. I hear this from all my guy friends that are a little older. Man, I used to be able to drink and pop up the next day. And I think those two things are correlated. Something about the body doesn't rebound as quickly as it used to.

SPEAKER_00: 30:51

For sure, I agree. Here's another one. You know, you're adulting when you say, I'll be there, but immediately calculate your driving time, your parking, how early you have to wake up the next day. 100%, bro.

SPEAKER_01: 31:04

We brought this up in an older episode where I told you I had to meet with a friend's friend for their event, and the shit was an hour and a half drive, and I couldn't, I think I cursed them out the whole drive in my mind because I was thinking of the five hours that I was never gonna get back. What do you think that comes from, though? Is that just understanding how precious time is as an adult?

SPEAKER_00: 31:25

Yeah, and sort of like transitioning into that responsible human being is like, oh shit, I gotta work the next day, or or I gotta go to church, or you know, just planning out your your week and understanding that you have responsibilities the next day. You have to be up by a certain time, and it's all these like meticulous, you know, time management things that you go through throughout your day. But you have to be mindful of that. And actually, that it kind of shows like with the person who doesn't leave early and is in the pop-out all day and just shows up to whatever function the next day late, it's just like, yeah, bro, this dude was out partying. Like it just goes back to that maturity level and the person who doesn't know how to be responsible.

SPEAKER_01: 32:07

Yeah. We will get into practical advice, but one that I have to say now, because it's on point, is you don't have to eat like an Olympian and train like an Olympian or sleep like an Olympian. But the way you eat, the way you train your body and sleep, shit is crucial. It's like the key pillars to anything that happens in my life at 39 and beyond. It's so real that one of the negotiation points when my girl and I moved in together was me being honest with her about how I was lying the whole time in our relationship about how late I stood up. And being like, hey, I know I was like Mr. Fun guy who stood out to 3 a.m. when we were dating, but now that we live together, you should know six days a week, I'm in bed by 10:30. And I know you're creative and you like to stay up late. Unfortunately, this chopper is landing around 9 o'clock. I'm unproductive after 9 p.m. I literally don't even know what I'm saying after 9 p.m. That's because I get up every day at 5. So the routine, the sleep, the way I eat, the fitness, that shit is boring, but it is part of my adulting package for sure.

SPEAKER_00: 33:20

Yeah, that was gonna be my last one. You kind of touched on it. You know, you're adulting when you keep Tums in the car like they're mints, like you constantly watch what you eat, like you know you're not touching the greasy burger because you know because what I gotta do after it. This is officially the unkno episode for sure.

SPEAKER_01: 33:37

Yeah, you look, you can look at food and be like, oof, nah, I'm good, bro. I can't have that. It's like that looks delicious, though. Enjoy it. Yeah, they're like, bro, you can't have a cheeseburger. You're like, nah, I got mad shit to do after this. How are those two things correlated to a 20-year-old?

SPEAKER_00: 33:51

Yeah, bro. That listen, that's how you know you're adulting when you watch what you eat, like when you get heartburn, when things are just your body just doesn't feel the same anymore.

SPEAKER_01: 33:59

Nah, you're using the wrong phrasing. Watching what you eat is like, oh, I'm eating salads. I'm no, you're talking about having your brain put a big ass exclamation point and an X on a piece of ham. You're like, nah, nah, I can't have that, bro. Like, why not? Oh, pork, pork, can't do pork. Why? Why you can't do pork? Can you eat five slices of pizza and be the same rich after that?

SPEAKER_00: 34:21

Nah, bro. I'm I'm trying to take a nap.

SPEAKER_01: 34:25

You're around your girl's family, you're trying to be a productive human, you're like, I can't eat that right now. Like, why not? Bro, I would be tucked in the car seat trying to go home if you let me eat that right now. Nah, I'm cool. Yeah. I'm trying to be social. That is adulting. Understanding that food is tied to your energy and sociability. Bro, you're basically a toddler at that point.

SPEAKER_00: 34:45

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 34:45

You're like, after this kid eats that, he's gonna take a nap. For sure. This is sad. This is one of the saddest episodes we've ever done. I feel like I feel like I'm fucking super washed. Yeah. Well, wait, hold on, Rich. So if we feel super washed, what is the upside for a 19-year-old version of us listening to this episode? They're like, damn, my life is gonna suck in 10 years.

SPEAKER_00: 35:08

Nah, I feel like it's important to highlight these things, bro. We're we're we're we're a look into the future, bro. Yes, we are your neighborhood unks.

SPEAKER_01: 35:17

Um for sure. But I just feel like there's no, like, I feel like on every episode we give them a little glimmer of hope.

SPEAKER_00: 35:25

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 35:25

Tums in your pocket is crazy. Nah, tums in in the car, in the car. There's no hope there. No, they don't know this about rich. This motherfucker walks around with like all sorts of things that keeps his day going in the best ways, but it's some real unk shit. You're a highly functional man.

SPEAKER_00: 35:42

Bro, listen, I have a whole regiment for like regulating my body and just making sure that my stomach is not upset in the most obscure moments. A lot of water, thumbs on deck.

SPEAKER_01: 35:54

Go through it. This is uh this is up.

SPEAKER_00: 35:56

Like a little gas relief pills like in my backpack, just in case, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_01: 36:01

Which which are the absolutely non-negotiable foods for you? If if your girl is out and you and she's like, Oh, I bought you this.

SPEAKER_00: 36:08

Nah, just anything heavy dairy, bro. Just a lot of cheese, a lot of grease. Like, it's like, what do I have to do tomorrow? Do I have anything important? Do I have any important meetings tomorrow?

SPEAKER_01: 36:18

So if you and your son and your daughter go to an ice cream shop, you're just like, man, it's a rough one.

SPEAKER_00: 36:24

Yeah, it's uh gelato for me, or like anything non-dairy for sure.

SPEAKER_01: 36:28

Yeah. Light toast and tolerant rich.

SPEAKER_00: 36:31

Yeah, or let's be brave and go through with the ice cream, but where's the nearest toilet? Like, am I gonna be near a bathroom in the next 15 minutes?

SPEAKER_01: 36:39

Am I gonna be home soon?

SPEAKER_00: 36:40

Yeah, that's adulting, bro.

SPEAKER_01: 36:42

You know, you're adulting when you are at a restaurant, you're looking for the bathroom before you order something. You're like, okay, no line. I can get there. Now, this is officially the unkno episode.

SPEAKER_00: 36:55

Yeah, we're gonna have to change the title.

SPEAKER_01: 36:56

No young person is gonna be listening. It's gonna be like my brother and like your brother being like, yeah, for sure. I'm with that.

SPEAKER_00: 37:03

Nah, that's cool. But now we should definitely get into some practical advice, some life skills that we feel every man should have.

SPEAKER_01: 37:11

Today we're talking about the life be lifing starter kit. Practical skills for the modern man. You know, Rich, we're talking about the skill set that nobody really teaches you. The non-YouTube algorithmic friendly list that no one would ever talk about. But these are the core and the backbone to adulting. Stuff that prevents your life from falling apart. I'm talking about basic everyday life stuff, like separating grown men from the boys who still have to call their mother for every single thing. Car breaks down, call their mom. Overdraft on their bank account, call their mom. Don't know how to make a meal, don't have money to order Uber Eats, call mommy. This is the mommy-proof plan right here. At 40, I wish someone would have taught me these things from having my life completely fall apart. These are the life-be life and fundamentals. Rich, what's one thing that is the most humbling or embarrassing experience for you in the life-be life in category?

SPEAKER_00: 38:14

Oh man. There's a lot that I could think of, but I think something that I learned late in life that I wish I had mastered a little bit earlier was the ability to know how to create a resume properly, knowing how to extract my value, my skill set, and put that on paper. I feel like I didn't get a lot of jobs when I was younger because my resume wasn't up to part. And, you know, in college, they sort of have like ancillary courses on how to like build the resume that I never went to, right? Like they offer all these services and you kind of never take advantage of them. But I that's one skill that I wish I had when I was younger that I think pays dividends in the long term.

SPEAKER_01: 38:58

Yeah, resume is crucial. I know that anyone listening to this is already familiar with ChatGPT or Gemini or Claude LLMs that can help you out. But even before that, I think understanding the key foundations to even build a resume, uh, how to turn odd jobs into something that you could put on paper that could lead you to maybe what you want later. But yeah, definitely the documentation of a lot of things. I blame Hudson County. I blame where we come from, the public schools we went to, because a lot of this basic resume building, personal finance, even just understanding yourself and developing self-esteem, none of that shit was taught in school. None of it. I could name the 50 capitals of each state in the United States, but I couldn't tell you basic finances when I left Memorial High School in Jersey. So that is crucial. Did you ever take a resume course in high school? No, but but I should have. Was there a resume? Well, maybe I'm not the best person to speak on it because I definitely wasn't in class, but I feel like that shit wasn't there unless you were like an AP or you had an honors class.

SPEAKER_00: 40:07

I think they yeah, they they started to present that like once you graduated college, then they would kind of offer you those ancillary services. Well, first of all, LLMs didn't exist when we were uh building resumes, so we had we had to do it old school, like by scratch, right? Yeah, but even now, right, if you use an LLM for your resume, it's gonna create a lot of fluff, right? And then the problem is this is why this is so important. The problem is you can get auto-generated LLM resume and that shit look amazing. And then when you get to the interview and they're dissecting that shit line by line, and you have no response for lines that you supposedly wrote on your resume, you're gonna feel imposter syndrome, you're gonna feel like a fraud. So that's why this one is critical. Because if you have the the right resume building skills, then getting a job is just that much easier. And this is something you're gonna need for your entire life, right? Unless you are obviously become an entrepreneur and you kind of make your own path, which is incredible. But by and large, for most people who are just climbing that corporate ladder and just getting a job for the first time, this is a skill you're gonna have to master through throughout your entire adulting life.

SPEAKER_01: 41:20

Yeah, the segment title is Life Be Life and Fundamentals, the the The Skills to Master as a modern man, right? So I think there's a lot of subskills inside of building a resume, but building a resume is important. But even before that, Rich, is having the ability to communicate. Can you communicate verbally? Uh, do you understand what it is that people want out of an employee? Do you even know how to write down what it is that people are going to want to see on a resume before they meet you in person? So communication in two ways: the ability to communicate what you know and your skill set onto paper, which is writing, and then the ability to communicate what you understand about what's on your resume in person. Also, in a way that's in job interview form, which is a whole nother medium of communication. It's a lot different than hanging with the homies and being like, yo, can you get me a job at the local department park just so I can make some money this summer? That's different than sitting down with a hiring manager that has half a million dollars dedicated to hiring five people for open roles, and you cannot communicate any of your skill set or understand whatever the fuck it is that you wrote down on that piece of paper and how it applies and helps your future employer. That's crucial. That sounds very high level, but it's pretty, it's some pretty fundamentals and basics there that you should learn as um life be life of fundamentals for sure. Because what does that lead to? What's the function of it? It's a job, basically. You're gonna finally get some money to pay it all in bills. Welcome to adulting.

SPEAKER_00: 42:57

Yeah, that that one's huge. And not so much for finding a job, right? Even in the real world, in the in your social life, right? Like just obtaining friends, like finding a potential partner and a girlfriend. Hell yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 43:10

You gotta be a good writer to build that hinge account.

SPEAKER_00: 43:13

There you go.

SPEAKER_01: 43:14

Yeah, you want to be funny, but you want to be serious. Like, yeah, it's a good balance.

SPEAKER_00: 43:17

Yeah. Even drilling deeper into the communication angle. I like learning negotiating skills. I feel like in life, you're naturally going to have to persuade a lot in many different experiences. One being like when you buy your first car, you have to know how to negotiate, how to like try to get that price down, get that insurance, get that monthly payment down. When you purchase a home, right? Like you're gonna have to go through a lawyer, you're gonna have to go through a mortgage broker. There's a lot of people you have to communicate with and you have to negotiate this massive multi-thousand dollar deal. Even something as simple as like buying something on Facebook Marketplace, like knowing how to haggle people to not pay premium for certain things. I think learning negotiating skills is going to pay dividends in the long term if you learn that early on.

SPEAKER_01: 44:08

Yeah, and I think all of these are a subset of what we've brought up in previous episodes, which is learning to learn, learning to take the time and understand, wow, I have a lot of gaps in my adult toolbox that for whatever reason I didn't get from my parents or from school or just life. It's being able to say, okay, I don't know how to do this now, but how do I learn to learn? Where do I go to understand how to do these things at a basic level? And I think the generation Gen Z and Gen Alpha, they're incredible at this. But I would say for a lot of these skill sets, it's much more than just watching one TikTok or a short YouTube video. It's getting finessed in a deal and learning from getting finessed in a deal that you never want to get finessed again. And that comes in major purchasing moments in your life, which is something as simple as negotiating your salary at work. There's a big difference between a$4,000 bump and a$8,000 bump because that extra$4,000 that you negotiate for yourself and you know how to negotiate for yourself can go straight to taxes. Now you can live off the other four. Because if you would have just negotiated$4,000, there's something called inflation. Every year the cost of living goes up. So you think you're getting a promotion, but you're not. You're just mirroring the cost of inflation. Just knowing that little tidbit of information is important in negotiating. Uh negotiating a car, like you said, a lease versus uh a finance uh with the option. There's so many elements within negotiating that's important. I obviously, this is a strength of mine, but what helped me with that, Rich? Learning to learn, obviously, and also taking sales jobs and doing sales jobs where you kind of get comfortable with being uncomfortable. And when you get into a negotiation or a deal point, you learn how to pivot in and out of those conversations so you don't get the you know the shorter end of the stick. So definitely a crucial life skill. We could be more practical and say how to get that life skill, but I think we're just trying to go through the things that are important when it comes to fundamentally being an adult and learning those skills.

SPEAKER_00: 46:16

Yeah, for sure. We we touched on this one earlier, but learning how to budget is so fucking important, right? Yeah. Like this is the difference between you succeeding and you failing. I infamously filed for bankruptcy at 19. Like I started in life on fucking hard mode.

SPEAKER_01: 46:35

Rich, I never asked, what was the core? Was it a car? What was the f like the core thing that that led you to that? Like, what was the big expense that led in that direction?

SPEAKER_00: 46:43

It was a relationship where I was with a particular woman. I had lost my job. I was, we were living off of my credit card. Her parents didn't want us together. They had just bought her a car and they were like, Well, if you're gonna live with our daughter and be with our daughter, you need to take on this finance vehicle. God damn. Yeah, bro. I fell for Wow. Yeah, it was a terrible situation.

SPEAKER_01: 47:07

By the way, now this subject topic for today makes way more sense to me. This is why understand how the adult is so important to you. And it is important for young men that this is a huge blind spot. This could be an 18-wheeler that could destroy your whole life if you're not paying attention.

SPEAKER_00: 47:25

Yeah, for sure. Don't let someone uh convince you to take over a finance car that's not yours, right? I made a lot of terrible mistakes and took me many, many years to crawl out of them. But, you know, had I had the ability to know how to budget, I would have been much better with money. I would have not taken all the money back in college, right? When they give you the overallowance on your student loans. I would have not taken the financed car from my ex-girlfriend, who by the way I'm no longer with, right? So they're not even thinking about me. I was 19 years old owing$30,000 and no job. Yeah. And I did not see a way out. I'm like, how am I going to pay for$30,000 at 19 years old? Right. And it was just poor decision making, poor financial planning, poor budgeting, poor negotiation skills with her parents, poor negotiation, poor communication with her parents and my ex-girlfriend at the time. So we're we're certainly speaking from a point of high, high failure.

SPEAKER_01: 48:32

For sure, for sure. And the budgeting thing is crucial. And I'll be honest, I probably learned this like five or six years ago. So I'm 39 now. I learned this in my early 30s. Budgeting was something that I mean, here's the problem with being overly optimistic. And I'm very blessed that a lot of it worked out for me. But there's probably out of a hundred worlds that I live in, simulations, there's probably 90 of them where my life doesn't pan out the way it panned out. And I don't get lucky enough to work in music, which was my passion, and I make a good amount of money that I burn through the first five years of my career, and then eventually start learning personal finances and start organizing my money. There is a version of my life where I am just constantly betting on roulette and hitting every time. And one thing that I identified in my early 30s was I was really bad at budgeting. I never saved money. I bought an obscene amount of clothes, which I still wear them to this day, which I still get complimented on clothes I bought from five years ago. So I'm not completely absolved of the mistakes that our community is making. But once I learned, damn, this budgeting shit is really important. I should probably get better at it. And one piece of practical advice that I could share that's lined up with budgeting is the way bank accounts are set up now, you can literally automate all your money to be sent to different places before it even hits your uh direct deposit. And if you're somebody that has issues with managing money once it's liquid in your pocket, you should just set up all these things that kind of send your money to different places that you don't even get to see the money. And I think that helped me out a lot because let's say hypothetically I got$4,000 in one paycheck. If I got all$4,000 up front, I was spending the whole$4,000. But if I set up all these automated things to go into my 401k, to go into paying off my college loans, go off to paying all my credit cards, I only had$2,100, like we said earlier, hedonic adaptation is I only had$2,100 to spend. So I lived off of that$2,000 instead of living off the$4,000. And that simple adjustment saved my budgeting skills because after three years of doing automation, now I have my 401ks popping. I have my credit cards paid off, and my college loans have come down significantly. And that's not doing anything. I I created, I reduced the friction between me and having to decide if I did or did not want to spend an extra$2,000 every month. And I'll be honest with you, my life didn't change much. I just had less money to spend.

SPEAKER_00: 51:08

Yeah, I think for me, that's a great tip. I think for me, what helped me out a lot was just giving myself a weekly allowance, just saying, how much money does it take for me to live comfortably for a week? Right. And then just putting that to the side. So obviously making sure that all your bills are paid for first, uh, calculating what you pay yourself as sort of like this weekly allowance. This is what you use to buy lunch, this is what you use for gas money, just for miscellaneous uh expenses. And that sort of helped me like frame how well my budgeting skills, you know, have improved over time, was just like having that system.

SPEAKER_01: 51:47

Listen, there's something that just happened this week that I think is relevant in a different kind of way. My nephew, who is now in the digital marketing space and music, is developing a lot of relationships with a lot of powerful personalities online, a lot of influencers. And he actually got really cool, one of the biggest streamers in the world that's in the hip-hop space. So both he and another younger friend of mine who is a coworker, they're going to all these events and they're realizing a lot of the world building that let's say these streamers are putting together where they have a lot of girls around them, are paid actors and actresses, women that come out that fill the rooms that make it seem like these streamers are more popping and have more clout than they do. So my man, who I won't name here, uh, but he'll know who he is when I watch it, he was like, yo, I really don't enjoy going to these streaming events because all the girls I meet are on some money hungry shit. Like, they're immediately talking about like what can you buy for me? or so I kind of knew the answer to his problem, but you know, knowing how young guys move, I just kind of let him cook because he kept meeting girls at these streamer events, and then he would go out with them and he would be like, yo, everything is about material when it comes to these girls. And I'm gonna tie it back to advice, but I just want to finish the story. By the third date, he went out with one of these girls that he met at these events. I told him, Let me ask you a question. If these women are paid to go to these events and they know that them physically being somewhere is worth money, what makes you think that they think of you, the guy who also came to that event and decided that you wanted to go out with them? The whole relationship is based on a transaction. Like they were already paid to be there. So you think you're gonna get to hang out with them for free? They understand their value already. And you're meeting them at a place where it's already a transaction. Not linking with these girls and building a foundation for a future relationship might be your greatest blessing. Now, here's the adulting advice. Because if you align yourself with people that only associate you with transaction and money and you have money, your whole life is a transaction from that point forward. So, what value are you to this person if you can't spend your whole paycheck on them? That is the most actionable budgeting advice. Surround yourself around people that can love you, adore you, and be around you when you're not splurging all of your money. And then when you do spend a little extra money, it's added value to the relationship. But the quickest way to go broke is surrounding yourself with friends, people, girls that only require you to spend money when you're around them. That's the quickest way to be on E every week and you're constantly looking for the next paycheck. So that advice I gave them was just like, bro, it's good that you didn't lock in with this girl because your life would have been hell. Every transaction would have been a barcode in the relationship and you would have had to scan it in order to be around her. That's a miserable fucking life. And I find that a lot of younger guys are going through that right now, where a lot of women are paying to play, and that's the only way they can get a leg up in the game. So they do whatever in order to get in the conversation.

SPEAKER_00: 54:59

Yeah, bro. If you're dating two weeks in and she drops the cash app, like that's a red flag right there.

SPEAKER_01: 55:05

Yeah, bro. But she's not to blame. You know what I mean? He he knows where he met her at. It's part of the game, bro. But that's budgeting. I I think everything is practical when you talk about philosophical theories and we took, but when you really think about it, you're just talking about a guy who's spending money to look good, to pop out and be around women.

SPEAKER_00: 55:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 55:23

If you ain't got no bread and you spent it all on one person that always expects you to spend money, then how useful are you? Really? How useful is all this money you're getting, really? So you're just working to pay for something that you're never gonna get back in any way, shape, or form. In some weird way, Rich learned that lesson when he was young. In some weird way, I learned that lesson young. What do you really want out of the world? I think is the deeper question here. Is like, so understanding how to adult properly is understanding how to delay gratification. And sometimes you gotta save a little money. But who the fuck wants to hear that? I feel like that's when it starts getting boring when you start telling people the most practical thing to do at 19, where they're like, I'm 19, why would I do that?

SPEAKER_00: 56:02

Yeah, I mean, listen, these are skills that we feel like you should at least have an understanding of what they can become. So the way I like to think about it is these skills you're going to have to use for your entire life, right? If we were looking 20 years back in time to our younger selves, right? And we just knew that how to stretch$100 for an entire week for lunch, right? Or like you mentioned in an earlier episode, just going out to buy clothes and maybe going to like a TJ Maxx or a Marshall's for like your Nike fits and just knowing how to stretch a dollar, like, bro, you're going to need that skill for your entire life. And I think like things like the resume building, the budgeting, the communication, the negotiating skills, these are just fundamentals that a man is going to need. This isn't these are non-optionals, bro. Like, you need these skills, you're going to use them for your entire life. Whether you want to try to pick them up at 19 or not, you're going to need these skills.

SPEAKER_01: 57:06

We did discuss on previous episodes about what is the underlying situation that makes young men feel helpless. And I think the one-to-one correlation of feeling helpless and not existing in the world is when a man is useless. And when you're useless, you don't exist because you're not helpful to anybody. And this particular segment is about here's a foundation of tools that you can put in your toolbox that will make you useful at a very baseline level. But if you don't have this baseline level covered, chances are you're going to be useless from 19 all the way to 29. Because if you don't hit the lottery or become famous overnight, these things will still be needed day to day. So it's a matter of how do I become the guy that's not helpless? How do I become the guy that is not useless? How do I become the guy that when I go out into the world, I can exist and defend myself and be someone that can be helpful? It's not about being a provider, it's not about being rich, it's not about being like a superhero. There are other ways to do that. We talked about get rich quick schemes. It's possible, you can get rich quick, but this is baseline. And this is what we call getting the little things right. And that shit is not sexy, but for any professional that you admire or any rich person you admire that has done it for a long time, I promise you they've mastered the basics. And that's what this is about.

SPEAKER_00: 58:39

Yeah, that's exactly right. I got two more that I that I'll go through and and then we can circle back. But one that comes to mind is knowing how to manage your emotions. I feel like oftentimes life is gonna punch you in the face, bro, especially as a man. Especially if, you know, if if you're a minority, black or Latino man, like life is just that much harder for young men these days, I feel. And just knowing how to navigate different situations, knowing how to manage your emotions, knowing what to do when you get a parking ticket, knowing how to behave when you have a court date, you know what I mean? Like knowing how to behave when you when you get pulled over, knowing how to behave when you have an argument with your girl, like when you're at work and you have a disagreement with a coworker, like there's a lot of obstacles that a young man is going to have to learn when it comes to just being able to manage your emotions in a lot of different situations. So I think that one is crucial.

SPEAKER_01: 59:37

You know, there's a a phrase that you mentioned earlier, which I think is important to the manager emotions point you just brought up. When I would make dumb decisions when I was in my early 20s, one question that I would always ask myself after I made the dumb decision, I would always ask myself so what happens now? Example I've Been known to spend my money like a crazy person when I had it. I would buy certain things and then I would have that thing and I would ask myself, so what happens now? You have it, you got it, you bought it, you overspent on it, you put it on your credit card. So what happens now? I would be in a loving relationship with somebody in my early 20s, and somebody not as attractive, but a little bit more interesting, exciting. I would cheat on my girl, make that mistake. That girl knew my girl's friends. I would ask myself after, okay, so what happens now? The reason why I asked the what happens now is because you make these dumb decisions based on adrenaline, ego, and emotion. And if you just stopped for like 10 seconds before you made those decisions, wait, if I make this decision, what will happen after that? I feel like most young guys never consider that. And I don't think they're going to consider that or understand the depth of how that could affect you in the future. And that's okay. You should learn from your mistakes. But Rich, there's a version of you that looks at 90-year-old you that took on that loan and put the cape on and try to be a guy. I mean, at the moment, you can't go back in time and fix it. But imagine if you could ask yourself, damn, I'm operating out of ego, pride, and love emotion. This love emotion, I want to be the best to this girl. But if you would have asked yourself, so what happens now? I think it would have been able to clear up a little bit of that emotion. Because no one is absolved from acting out of emotion. I think that's just human nature. But when you ask yourself, so what happens now? I think that's always helped me a lot. It's a very practical tip for curving your emotions and being like, damn, I shouldn't punch this dude in the face because I could go to jail. And that's the, so what happens now? What happens after that?

SPEAKER_00: 1:01:47

Yeah, that's the thinking about consequences, right? Having that ability to just, like you said, what happens now? What happens as a result of me acting upon certain emotions? And that right there, bro, that might be the number one because that's the difference between you making a fatal mistake and going to jail, right? Or you acting the right way and coming out on the other side unscathed.

SPEAKER_01: 1:02:12

I'll tell you four things that come to mind when you brought the emotions up. And it's not emotions in the way people think about it. It's emotions like adrenaline. Uh, you have to make a decision quickly, and then you make the wrong decision. Not the wrong decision. I don't think there are wrong decisions because a lesson will be learned, failures. But gambling, every time I make a big bet, the excitement of the bet is more exciting than the actual bet itself, win or lose. But I always ask myself, so what happens now? You you put a bag on Canelo, he lost. What happens? Even when I win, it doesn't even feel that exciting. Women entertain the wrong person, get into the wrong conversation, take it in a direction where I probably shouldn't. I'm like, so what happens now? Food. If I'm dieting, I'm good on my health, I like the way I look in the mirror, I'm proud, I'm hitting my goals, and then I just binge one night. It's gluttonous. I'm just eating everything. I got a stomach ache. I can barely sleep. I feel like throwing up. I abandoned all my health goals. So what happens after that? Was it worth it? You know what I mean? Like, so what happens now? Staying out late, just enjoying the night, like fuck it, I'm gonna go out again. Now we're gonna go to the club. And I went it's all this delayed gratification. In that moment, it feels right, but it's your emotion that's taking you. And I think, have you ever seen a dog eat unlimited snacks or unlimited food when you're not around? I think humans are the same exact way, bro. If you don't control the portions up front, a dog could eat all day, but that doesn't mean it has the mind to know when it's time to stop. As long as there's food in front of it, it's gonna keep eating. And I believe mighty men, ego-driven men, prideful men, conquering men, they all operate the same way. They don't know their limits. And I believe emotions are tied to that. And one should know what is his or her limit, and one should know what the later gratification is. And that in itself is tied with emotion because that's usually your emotion that's just driving.

SPEAKER_00: 1:04:14

Yeah, that's exactly right. Man, I I want to end on this one because it probably should have been first, but I saved it for last because I didn't want us to be like so like surface level. But certainly learn everyday practical skills, bro. Learn how to cook or at least make a prepare a meal for yourself. Yeah, learn how to use an air fryer, learn how to use a microwave, learn how to use an oven, learn how to clean, right? Women care about a man whose cleanliness, clean your bathroom, clean your fucking shower, learn how to do laundry, right? I know your mom has probably been doing laundry for you for most of your life. Learn the drop-off, right? Buy the bag. Um you know, if if you don't want to do it yourself, right? Like get a service to handle that for you, but certainly learn what detergent is over fabric softener, right? Like little things like that goes a long way. Learn how to change a tire, bro. Like, if you don't have AAA and you don't have a dad or your mom's around, or any immediate family around you, and you need to change your tire, bro, you have to know how to do this for yourself. I know this that's a little like too surface level, but I I feel like the need to reiterate that you're entering adulthood. Like, mommy's not around.

SPEAKER_01: 1:05:30

I have the steel man argument. Go ahead, let's hear it. We live in the comment sections of our communities. I already know what they're gonna say. Well, why do I need to know all these things? I can order food, I can call AAA, I can have someone else do my laundry. Why? Why do I have to know these things?

SPEAKER_00: 1:05:47

Bro, these are foundational fundamentals that every woman is looking for, right? Everything we talk about on the show is practical advice for you to become a man, right? And be that good tribe member to your friends, family, girlfriend, or wife.

SPEAKER_01: 1:06:09

Yeah, and we're not giving you information to survive, we're giving you information to thrive. How do you thrive as an apex predator? Number one in your group, number one to your peer group, number one in your profession, number one around women. Yeah, anybody could just do the minimum, but you're saying this is the foundation to it. If you don't know this, you're cooked off top.

SPEAKER_00: 1:06:28

Yeah, and by the way, the argument to your steel man argument is if you're just gonna pay somebody to do all those things for you, you need fucking money. How do you get money? Like, you need to know how to make a build a resume, you need to know how to budget. You know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_01: 1:06:45

No, I'm saying you're already hearing our community voice, and you're like, okay, I see your stupid ass question, and here's how I raise it. How are you gonna get money for that?

SPEAKER_00: 1:06:53

Yeah, I just gave you the gems beforehand, right? You need to know how to build a resume to it to be able to showcase your value. When you get money, you need to be able to budget so you know what to allocate for laundry, for cooking, meal preps, etc.

SPEAKER_01: 1:07:11

Yeah, your money bucket doesn't have holes in it.

SPEAKER_00: 1:07:13

Yeah, yeah, bro. Like we we sorted this shit a specific way. So, so yeah, fuck your steel man argument.

SPEAKER_01: 1:07:20

Yeah, that no, because this is the person that watched only the TikTok and didn't listen to the episode.

SPEAKER_00: 1:07:24

Yeah, there you go. Now, this is good, man. I I feel like we've sort of unpacked what adulting is. And, you know, to your point, it's this weird dynamic between life advice, life skills, life essentials, practical skills that every man should have, but also the separation of innocence, right? Like you're becoming an adult. You can't rely on your parents anymore. You need to be responsible, you need to be more independent, you need to understand that you can't outsource your problems anymore, and you need to grab these bitches by the horns and like figure them out yourself. That's what adulting is. That's what makes you a man.

SPEAKER_01: 1:08:04

And adulting is I'll give I'll leave them with an analogy. Have you ever been on Canal Street in Manhattan, uh, New York? In Canal Street, the guys who sell products, they usually have one or two things. And the weather in the East Coast is very unpredictable. They either have sunglasses or umbrellas, and depending on what the climate is, they'll open their briefcase and put out that product. And that is a life metaphor for when you are adulting, when life be lifing, you gotta be prepared to pivot. And these guys don't carry umbrellas because they know it's gonna rain, they carry umbrellas because it might rain. And if it did rain, guess who you're paying$40 for an umbrella for? Because you're in a city where you have to walk everywhere or you're not gonna get in a car. And it's impossible to get a cab or Uber when it's raining. So those dudes are prepared for crisis. Now they may look foolish lugging around umbrellas five days a week, but in the event when it rains, that'll be the most important person in the whole motherfucking city if you're not trying to get wet. And I think these basic fundamental skills for life, life will life. It will happen. There will be a crisis. You will get a flat tire, you will get a medical issue. Someone in your family will go through something financially. You this shit happened to me. The DMV sent me a letter the other day for about$2,700 for some bullshit that I kept ignoring because I moved from one city to another city and they had my old address. You think you duck in the DMV? I got news for you, bro. You're either walking your ass to work or you're gonna be dodging a warrant. This is real shit. So these fundamentals in life are the umbrellas for the dude in Canal Street. Be prepared for anything because anything will happen. So I know this shit may sound remedial, but if you made it this far into the podcast and you're listening, this is why we're talking about this. It sounds dumb until you need it. And when you need it, you're gonna need it bad. So make sure you master all these skills to the basic fundamentals of adulting. And if you have any comments or you want to clap back at us because we sound old and wash, feel free to hit the comment section. We'll love to learn more about why your life is ass backwards. Failures podcast. We're out of here.

SPEAKER_00: 1:10:28

Yes, sir. And listen, we're on YouTube at Failures Media. Hit subscribe, share with the boys, keep building yourself one failure at a time. We out of here.