Compete With Yesterday

SPEAKER_01 0:03

You use other people to compete against just so you can know your progress, you can track your progress, but you're not really competing with anybody else. You're really competing with yourself. Your greatest competition every day was you yesterday. So if you could just grow a little bit more day over day, you're good. You are making marginal gains in your life. Failures podcast. Today we are talking about male jealousy, helping men turn hate and jealousy for other men into motivation. Rich, every man has a silent scoreboard that looms somewhere in their head, whether it's about their height, money, looks, their career not being exactly where they want it to be, a body count, social followers, money. We know this feeling because every man suffers from this subconscious voice in your brain that reminds you you're not doing enough. But the moment another dude walks into a room and you know that he has a higher scorecard than you, whether it's a better job, nicer car, your stomach gets a little tight and you realize, damn, my confidence just dipped. And you start fighting a little battle that this person that you're hating on doesn't even know about. I have news for you. That's not jealousy. That's your body reminding you that you have more potential and you should do something to become more like that person because you know that they're ahead of you. Most guys think jealousy is a weakness, it's something toxic. It's not. It's what makes you a man that can be dangerous once you solve that problem. But the big question we want to answer today is why? Why do I feel this way? Why am I hating on the next man, knowing I can be just as good or if not better than that man? How do I turn my envy and jealousy into motivation? It's a simple question. Rich, do you remember a time in your life where you were kind of hating or jealous of another man for whatever reason? And what was the moment of clarity you had that turned that jealousy into fuel?

SPEAKER_00 2:15

Yeah, man. Listen, bro, I remember growing up feeling like everyone was doing much better than me and feeling like a hater, bro. Just feeling like a hater.

SPEAKER_01 2:27

This is the hater club, uh, and I admit I'm a fucking hater.

SPEAKER_00 2:30

Yeah, yeah. We we gotta be honest here. But nah man, when I really dissected why I started to feel jealousy and envy towards certain people, I quickly realized that I had no roadmap, bro. I was sort of envying people in many different lanes. And I was in many different lanes, right? Like I wanted to be a real estate agent, I wanted to be a music producer, I wanted to work in tech, I wanted to have an e-commerce store, and I was envying people that were doing things that completely opposite out of the lanes that I wanted to be in. And, you know, once I micro-dissected that, I'm like, well, wait a minute. You know, I'm not going to be a real estate agent. I'm actually much better in the tech industry. I stopped envying that person that was in real estate, right? Because I no longer wanted to be in that lane. So I think when you divide your intention into many different lanes, it contributes to the jealousy, right? Because you're you're comparing yourself to people that you're not in that particular lane.

SPEAKER_01 3:26

Yeah, I mean, it's simply put, Rich, once we started going into the research for this episode, I immediately thought about being a young man. And just like you said, I think comparison robbed me of a lot of moments where I could have been happy with the moment I was in, but I knew that I was young and I had room for improvement. I remember looking at a lot of drug dealers and people that had money when we were younger and truly hating on them for having the girls, having the cars, having access and opportunities to things that I didn't have because I chose a more calmer lifestyle in high school. I chose to play sports and not focus on making money. And like you said, because I was choosing to play sports, I didn't choose making money and risking my freedom in order to make quick, a quick dollar by selling drugs or doing illegal shit. But you can only hate on someone for the sacrifice that they made. So if I was trying to be all of those things at once, I probably wouldn't have prioritized anything. And I think that's what you're saying. You know, early when you when you're young and you want what other people have, understand that that comes at a sacrifice. But you have to pick one or two things. You can't be doing 15 things at the same time and also be a hater at the same time. It puts you in a fucked up spot because you haven't you haven't dedicated yourself to anything and you're hating on everything.

Not Enough And Long Horizons

SPEAKER_00 4:43

Yeah. And and think about when you look at other people and you have envy and jealousy, right? Like, what metrics are you analyzing about that person? Is it the their physique? Is it their height? Is it the appearance of abundance that they have? Like, sometimes they could be older, right? And they're just in a different place in life. You're the younger guy, sort of like looking at this old head who's had much more reps in life than than you've had, right? So the comparison has to also make sense, right? Like, are you comparing yourself to people your age, to your peers, or are you looking at somebody older who's had more life experience, more work experience, and it is in a different place in their life?

SPEAKER_01 5:25

Yeah, this this um I'm trying to think back when I was that age. And Rich, I know you are you are a father of a young, a young man. And I think what swirled through my mind a lot at that age was, man, I'm not cool enough. I'm not socially accepted enough. I'm not tall enough. I'm not talented enough when it came to sports. I'm not funny enough when it came to the classroom and trying to get attention from women and my friends. I think it's this disease of feeling like you're not enough. And I love what you just said because not enough is not fair to a young man who hasn't even seen their full growth, development, and potential. If you're 14, 15, 16, you quite literally have 10 years of your best years ahead of you. And if you take care of the next 10 years, you'll be 26. And maybe the 10 years that come after that might truly be your best earning years because you put yourself in a position to be financially stable. So you may not reach your full potential until you're in your early 30s, mid-30s. So all that beating yourself up, being jealous and envy of other men when you're young is a trapdoor. It's it's not good because you haven't even met the version of yourself that is worth envying. So if you put yourself in that headspace early enough, you get into a very fucked up mindset, which I personally hate. This type of person is the coward that lives his whole life to be jealous and envious of other people. I I despise that person, Rich, but I do love what you said in the beginning because young men, teenagers, or kids that are entering their prime, they don't even know what their full potential is. They haven't even met that person yet.

SPEAKER_00 7:18

Yeah, it's true. And like you said, bro, like oftentimes I think the comparison window of the people that we're looking at. You're people you're looking at people on social media, you're you're looking at some of your peers, you're looking at work colleagues, you're looking at folks from your school, and you create this sort of like wide comparison window. And there's a disparity between where you are and where all these people are. And I feel like that creates sort of like a negative loop where you're bucketing people that seem to be ahead of you or or more advanced than you.

SPEAKER_01 7:51

Yeah, yeah.

Dating, Desire, And Pain

SPEAKER_00 7:52

And bro, that sort of like viewing the world in that way just bubbles up that jealousy, bro. And it's something it's so weird. It's it's like a little plant that just continues to grow inside of you. And and that hate, that jealousy, and that envy just continue to rise as you continue to compare yourself to other people.

SPEAKER_01 8:11

Listen, considering that we want to help young men get through this phase in their life, we have a section of the show that we will get into some actionable advice that will make you solve this problem. But I do want to ask a question, Rich, because we discussed off-air a few stories that I don't know if you want to share, but I I definitely want to share some stories with our listeners so they know they're not alone. If you can identify with feeling lesser than, having a lack of motivation, envying another man for having a pretty girlfriend, hell, just a girl that's a friend. Most men even hate that because they don't have what other men have. So they use the other guy as a measuring stick. And when you don't have anything that you desire, but you know someone that is a peer that has it, you get kind of locked into this mentality that I'm not enough. I'm lesser than other young men. And it's not something that enters your front of your brain where you can articulate it that way, but you feel little. So I wanted to ask you, Rich, do you remember a time you felt lesser than another guy or one of your friends or maybe somebody you knew about? And do you remember what age you were at and what what kind of drove that feeling?

SPEAKER_00 9:24

Yeah, I mean, listen, I don't have to go too far back, but when I was single a couple years ago, I was in my physical peak. And I remember just looking at certain women with certain dudes and beautiful, gorgeous women with like this fat, overweight, chubby dude. And me being like, how? Like, how did this dude who's physically out of shape, who looks sloppy, who looks like he can't dress well, versus myself who's a little bit, you know, more fit, more clean cut. How can I not attract this type of level of woman? And I remember be feeling hate, bro. And, you know, I had to internalize that and I have to I had to conceptualize that. All right, well, maybe not everything is physical for every woman. Maybe some pretty women just really like a guy's personality and they don't mind that he's a little chubby or a little overweight, or maybe he doesn't have a great physical physique, but he's a provider, and that's what attracted her to him. So there's certainly a lot of variables in that equation, but I just remember for me personally feeling like, yo, I'm in top male physique, and this dude is overweight and he has like a bad chick. And I never understood why.

The Case For Competition

SPEAKER_01 10:42

They say a world filled with endless desires is a world filled with endless pain. Meaning, if you weren't single at that time and you had your girl, like you're in a relationship currently, you have a happy family, you don't live in a world of that desire anymore. So when you see other sloppy men with beautiful women, it doesn't bother you because only a dude riding the train or a bicycle to work is gonna envy a guy that has a luxury car and drives right by you. But if you two had a car that you loved, you wouldn't care that another person is driving a car because you have no desire to have that man's car. So within the desire to want something, there is a pain. And that's what you're saying. Your pain came from not having what that other person had. So I just want to speak to most of my childhood and how I let that anger and those desires for not having what I wanted, what other people had. That shit drove me, Rich. It drove me so much. I spent most of my middle school and high school career living in a world full of shame because I didn't have everything I wanted. And I was a smaller guy, definitely had Napoleon complex. On a good day, I'm 5'8. On my worst day, I'm five foot seven, five foot six and a half. So I was always undersized. I was always very competitive and very mean because I knew I had to compensate for not being tall. My family, I done said this on every episode, we come from scraps. So the bottom, we didn't have everything. I lived with a lot of my cousins. I shared bedrooms with family, go to school sharing clothes. So I would look at other people who had it, and it would piss me off because I didn't have it. And when it came to making friends, I switched schools a lot because my family was doing fuck shit. So I would be moving around. That's when I met you, Rich, when I came to uh the school that we went to. I didn't really know anybody. So even though I was able to accumulate friends, enough friends, to the point where I was voted most popular, when I first got to school, I was envious of everybody who had their friends and I didn't have a place in the little world that is high school. So I could date back to a time where I didn't have the money, I didn't have the girls, I didn't have the height or the looks, I didn't have the status. And I feel the person that we're reading about and we're looking at in this community that are operating from a from a deficit. They have so many desires and so many wants that they have to look at the world that they want and desire and hate on it. And I feel that feeling, Rich. I could tell you a hundred stories. I could tell you when my cousin moved from Puerto Rico and I lived with him. This motherfucker was skinny as a pencil. He had a six-pack because he was like 90 pounds. And I was this little chubby kid that was just kind of funny. And when my cousin entered my life from the island, he was charismatic. He was two years older than me. He was more fit than I was. He was able to cross the street, he can do whatever he wanted. He was better than me on basketball. And I spent my whole life competing with my older cousin. I have news for the young man that relates to that story. It made me a better person because I spent most of my life aiming up, trying to be better, competing with somebody that was older than me. And it really brought the best out of me. I let that hate and that jealousy be my guide in the fog that was what I wanted. Now, when I look at my cousin, we're both about the same age. Two years when you're young feels like a guy is like fucking 30 years older than you. When you get older, two years means nothing. It's a matter of the work you put in and catch up to the person that you hate that really matters.

Father–Son Heat Check

SPEAKER_00 14:38

Yeah, listen, that's the worst type of jealousy, bro. It's like the what it's like a family member or someone who you're really close to and or someone who you grew up with, and you see them sort of move forward and be a lot further in life than you are, because it hits close to home, right? The difference is like you looking at a celebrity, like I like, oh, I want to be, I want to be a world-winning actor like The Rock. Obviously, bro, like that type of jealousy and envy is very far removed from where you're at.

SPEAKER_01 15:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 15:08

And, you know, we look at celebrities all the time and say we want that fortune and fame. But when it's immediate, bro, when it's in your house or you grew up with the person and you see them sort of winning, that's the type of jealousy that stings more because you feel like, man, this person comes from where I come from. They're a family member, like I've seen them, you know, shit their pants or whatever. You know what I mean? Like you've seen them grow up, and then they go on to sort of pass you in life. And and that that could create a lot of jealousy too, bro.

SPEAKER_01 15:39

Rich, there's one thing that you mentioned, and it makes me think about I could be wrong. I could see a non-male-driven community shutting us down for this statement, but I'll say it anyway. There is nothing more masculine and more positive than competition amongst men. I relish it as an adult. I've learned to own it, I've learned to enjoy it, and I've learned to understand that that shit is as promised as the sun and the moon. Like, competition is just naturally baked into wanting more in life. And if you can't accept some good competition in whatever realm or field that you're in, then you're denying yourself one of the most beautiful pleasures and the one of the most sweetest fruits of being a man. It is fun to compete as long as you're prepared to compete.

SPEAKER_00 16:34

Just that is an unwritten rule where men are constantly competing with one another at all times. I remember being like at a bar with some friends, and if I'm in a group full of like dudes that are six foot, like I'm standing up a little bit straighter, right?

SPEAKER_01 16:51

Because I want tell me more about it. I'm standing on a fucking stool. That's what I'm doing. Yes. Especially if there's women there and these guys are strong, like qualified men. Right. It's a reminder. Hey, I'm hey, you're not doing enough, man. You could be better. It's a reminder. Go to the gym. What about when you're in the gym, Rich? Bro, and you see other dudes get into it and you haven't been there in a while. How do you feel?

Internal Scorecards

SPEAKER_00 17:17

That that is primal competition. That is like competition arena. But it's applicable to every facet of our lives. How many times have you been at a bar with a group of friends and you're in a circle and someone's being really funny? And naturally you're cooking up like a joke because you want to be you want to be funny with or you want to be more funny than the guy who's making everyone laugh. Like, bro, yeah, men are in constant competition with each other, 24 by seven. Can it be exhausting? Yes. Yeah. But unfortunately, that's just the way we're built, bro. We're our primal brain is built to want to be better than the next man. And by the way, there's nothing wrong with that. But you have to sort of take that envy, jealousy, competition, and turn it more into like a motivational thing for you and yourself.

SPEAKER_01 18:07

The more actionable, helpful advice to the young men that are listening is don't believe outsiders that tell you competition is not something innately wired to men. That is a fucking lie. This idea that you can play kickball at the middle school recess hour that you get in gym. And if you kick the ball as far as humanly fucking possible, and little Angela, who you have a crush on, notices that you just hit a home run effortlessly kicking the ball to the back of the fucking schoolyard. That is day one for understanding wow, if I display myself as someone that's competent and worth being looked at for something that I'm good at, I can get the attention not of just your guy friends, but of the girls that can be your friends. That is day one, Rich. I'm willing to bet somewhere in your 13-year-old or 14-year-old son's mind and body, at this point in his life, he's already understanding. Well, if I comb my hair like this, I get a compliment. But if I don't do this, I don't get a compliment. That's fucking primal. That is a young man understanding human selection. And ultimately, the caveman in him, the young lion in him, is just looking for a partner that is gonna select him so he can bear fruit and do his civic duty, which is to procreate. That is inside all of us, and competition is ground zero for that pursuit of finding someone to be with. So it's not lost on me that the bitch assness of young men to go and hate on the guy that's good at kicking the ball to the back of the gymnasium is just you. Denying human nature and you chose to be a fucking hater, and that's what I don't want our young men to fall into that trap. Yeah. But your eyes lit up when I said the the thing. Yeah.

Specialize And Join A Tribe

SPEAKER_00 20:11

Nah, because bro, when you when you mentioned my son, my son is 13. Uh, for those who don't know. Oh, he's 13. And bro, I told you the story off air one time where he like challenged me to a race. He was like, come on, dad. Like, I think it's time. I think I could beat you. And bro, I'm 37 years old. And I like to think of myself as still pretty fit and athletic. Yeah. And we raced, and I beat him, but it was very neck and neck. And I'm like, damn, my 13-year-old's catching up to me. Um, but that was just one example of like he's testing his sort of like male physique and physical abilities to someone much older, right? Someone like his father. I think he feels like that. If he beats me at a race, that validates him and makes him a man, right? It's sort of like the passing of the baton.

SPEAKER_01 21:02

And by the way, every father, every older man knows this because you've done it to a guy older than you when you were younger. Oh, yeah, bro. It's a heat check. He was heat checking you.

SPEAKER_00 21:13

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 21:14

I won though. So see, that's how I know I'm more ego-driven and I have Napoleon Complex, because I would have started the story with, I beat my son in a race, but because I have little man complex, but that's okay. I have little man complex, but I've played football my whole life. I used to box when I was younger. I play sports my whole life. I enjoy a good challenge because my father did not let me walk around the world with a little man's complex and hating on people. He was smart enough to weaponize that jealousy that I had. And he would be like, Well, if you're angry about it, do something about it. Challenge your older brother to a basketball game. Challenge your older cousin to a race. You might lose, but in the losing, when your son raced you in that loss, he knows now that he's this close to being better than you.

SPEAKER_00 22:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 22:12

Isn't that a beautiful thing? You don't seem upset that he challenged you. He took the competition and weaponized it. He it was a healthy competition.

SPEAKER_00 22:22

Yeah, for sure. And I feel like he's sort of trying to validate his insecurities, right? If you really think about it, he's like, am I faster than my friends? Am I faster than my father? Am I faster than you know some family members? Like, he doesn't feel like he's that fast, but he's working on it, right? He plays sports, he plays soccer. So I think this is naturally him doing a heat check, challenging everyone around him. And, you know, I could see he's turning it into motivation because he's like, all right, watch next summer. Like I'm gonna race my dad and I'm gonna beat him the next time.

Choose Better Heroes

SPEAKER_01 22:56

And guess what, Jensen? One day you will beat your dad. But when that day comes, you're gonna be so mad that you spent your whole life trying to beat your dad when you have other young men that are faster, more handsome, and more charismatic that you should have been competing with. Stop competing with your pops. You're gonna win eventually. You need to look at the your peer group, the people that you're raised with. Yeah. And don't let that cripple you or paralyze you. And I think, you know, we're kind of going off on a tangent in the way we're unking the conversation, which we've we've been accused for. Oh, you're wagging the finger, you're beating up young men that are already kind of feel beaten up. And I want to veer back into feeling a bit more empathetic, Rich. And this advice is for your son as well. Embrace that feeling of not feeling like enough and embrace the idea of healthy competition. I think the best way to frame it, and we can go into actionable advice, Rich, is you should know the difference between resentful, toxic hate versus healthy competition. And I wanted to start there for actionable advice because at least it allows our younger men to not allow that jealousy to morph into a quiet resentment. And it allows them to understand, oh, this is just a part of the process. Let me embrace this healthy competition and use this other man as a way of measuring my growth versus truly defining myself my whole life because I'm behind this person and I can't catch up to them. Because that in itself is a trap. Because as a grown man, I could see how 39-year-old Justin and 37-year-old Rich could be living in a self-made prison if we compare ourselves to other men who have more money than us. Sometimes the scoreboard is just a measurement of your growth.

SPEAKER_00 24:40

Yeah, and that jealousy can spark that silent competition and create that baseline that you need to know where you're currently at and the people that you feel jealousy over, right? I think about there's sort of a lot of times where, like I said before, you look at different people in different lanes and you want what everyone has, right? But the things you're competing in, like you are not in that lane. So don't compete with someone who's in that lane. Yeah. I think we oftentimes gravitate to prosperity, right? If someone is doing good, I want to be associated with that. If they have the most money, I want to be tied to that. If they have the most notoriety, I want to be tied to that. If they have the best physique, I want to be tied to that. But it's like you can't want to be everything all at once. Perfect. You just can't, bro. Pick a lane, do that for 12 months, and do that to your best ability. And then if you want to pivot into something else, go ahead and do that. But I think you're gonna continue moving the goalpost of who you should be measuring yourself against if you're constantly choosing different people and different metrics and different lanes.

Doers Versus Critics

SPEAKER_01 25:54

Yeah, listen, if I could go back in a time machine and give 17, 18-year-old Justin advice, it would be hey, I do realize that you're competing with this external scorecard. You're competing with everybody around you. But what young Justin's most valuable metric and lesson learned at this phase of your life is going to be it's the internal scorecard that you keep with yourself that you use other people to compete against just so you can know your progress. You can track your progress. But you're not really competing with anybody else. You're really competing with yourself. Your greatest competition every day was you yesterday. So if you could just grow a little bit more day over day, you're good. You are making marginal gains in your life. And to Rich's point, don't try to be everything and beat everybody at everything. Try to find the two or three things that are most important to you and continue to grow in those categories. And I feel like that mental conflict will go away. It's not gonna melt away because you're young, you're full of testosterone, you're competitive. We've already established that's not a bad thing. But the internal scorecard is important. You should just track your own growth and then use other people as a measurement.

SPEAKER_00 27:10

Yeah. And think about just when you're pursuing something, when you're when you choose a lane and you're doubling down in that lane and you're motivated and you're focused, bro, you have blinders on. You're not looking at what other people are doing. And once you have that sort of blind motivation, that limits to jealousy. Cause now there's no comparison window. You're you're comparing yourself to who you were yesterday or who you were six months ago. But being dedicated to that one lane and just driving that energy and that focus into that one lane, I think is pivotal, bro.

Man In The Arena Ethos

SPEAKER_01 27:42

And one thing I'll add to that, which I find to be the next piece of actionable advice, is once you develop a skill and you master that skill, you will find your group of friends or the profession that you can contribute to the most because you're highly specialized at one thing. So you probably spend a lot of your life competing with people that are very similar to you because we don't choose where we're born. And usually wherever it is that you're born, the high school that you're in, or your friend group, they all have a very similar makeup to you. But once you get to middle school, college, a trade school, you'll start finding that your uniqueness and how specialized you are allows you to contribute to the greater mission. So the one thing you're really good at, maybe your close friend is a complement to that skill set. So now you're not competing with anymore. You're just adding to the overall mission. And I find that in my 30s, that's when I started getting good at my job, when I realized, oh, this is what makes me good at what I do. And now I don't have to hate on anybody else because bro over here is an incredible music producer. Bro over here is an incredible engineer. This other guy is a great rapper. This other guy is a videographer. And who am I? I'm the orchestrator. I put it all together. We're no longer competing with each other. We're all just operating at a high level and we're all contributing towards the greater mission. And I do think on a very primal level, that is what we are designed to do. We are designed to be specialized and help the greater tribe go on a hunt together, not compete with each other forever. I think men naturally weed out incompetence, weed out cowards, weed out people that can't contribute, people that don't look out for the cookout, and then they select for the best in each category. And if you're the best in your category, you're gonna get picked to go on the hunt and figure it out as a team. And I believe that we're all designed to be a part of teams. We just need to figure out who's the best at one thing.

SPEAKER_00 29:40

Yeah, I love that. I'll add to that that I feel like if you are going to feel some jealousy towards anybody in this life, be jealous of someone that could teach you something. Like, don't be jealous of like rappers per se, right? Like you're never gonna be able to rap like them. You're never gonna be signed to a rec label for millions of dollars, right? Like these people are an anomaly, right? They're they're living this extravagant lifestyle that is very flamboyant, they're flexing on social media. And feeling jealousy of that, bro, is such a waste of time and energy because these folks are one of one. Like they're characters in in this entertainment industry, right? I oftentimes think of like Andrew Tate. Like he's a very controversial dude, right? But I feel like there's not a lot to learn there, bro. Like this dude is like posting his cars, posting money. Yeah, he's six foot something, he's lean, six foot something, he's like the best MMA fighter in the world. And it's just like, bro, uh he might be entertaining, but what are you jealous about? What is he teaching you? What are you learning from this individual? So I think being very specific about who you have jealousy for, who you envy, I think is super important.

Dialing The Jealousy Knob

SPEAKER_01 30:48

Yeah, one thing I did want to add to that, Rich, and I and I kind of I kind of overdid it in our pre-show meeting. And I think you were a good friend, and you told me to we need to be better at communicating helpful information to our community versus attacking them. I reworded what I did want to say about this piece of actionable advice. There's two types of guys in the world there's the doer, and then there's the person who watches what people do, and they have criticism for the doer. I identify, you don't have to identify this person as this, I identify this person as a fucking coward. This is the bitch assness that it starts for a lot of young men early, and they find their place in the tribe by not going on the hunt with the other tribe men, they find their place by criticizing what the other men brought back on the hunt or what the other men are doing while they're on the hunt. I'm trying to be as explicit as possible. There are a lot of people that live in today's world of social media criticism that they don't create anything. They're fucking parasites. They let the greatest men go and accomplish unthinkable things, and they sit around making green screen videos criticizing what these people have done. Listen, I get it. It's a means to an end, and you need to provide for yourself. But when you're a young man and all you do is fake support your friends who are successful, and you show fake love, the conquerors can feel that. The guys that are doing cool shit can feel that. I can date back, Rich, and I'm pretty sure you have a story. When we were doing our media company in high school and in early years of college, I could hear a lot of people that had a lot of feedback for what we were doing. But they weren't taking the risk. They didn't go out there and create something from scratch. And that shit used to irk my soul because I know what a coward looks like. And a coward just points at other people and they never get their hands dirty, they never do anything. They just sit back and criticize what other people do. And I think this episode is dedicated to the young man that's already veering in that direction. You get the scraps when you're just a critic. You get the scraps when you're just a hater. You get the scraps when you're somebody that lives to be jealous of other people that have accomplished dope shit. Don't be that guy, man. Be the guy who does dope shit. And I don't care what you do, just be somebody who goes out there and gets their hands dirty. Be the guy who's in the arena. Be the guy who actually sacrifices something and learns who his potential is. I hate the guy who doesn't challenge himself and doesn't know who his potential is, but he got nothing but feedback. I wish we can eradicate all those people, bro. They make me so and we're not gonna delete this part. I feel very strongly about this, man. And I hate that young guys are becoming more of that.

SPEAKER_00 33:52

The yeah, man, the the observer is a non-action person. And to your point, I do remember us doing having our media company and interviewing a bunch of rappers and celebrities and just people roasting the comments. Yo, why don't you ask them about this? Or why don't you ask them about that? It's like, bro, you you were not in the five hours of questioning prep sessions that we were preparing to speak to this rapper. Also, you didn't get the memo of all the things our the manager told us we couldn't talk about, right? So it's a lot different when you're the observer versus the one taking action and getting things done.

Social Media’s Comparison Trap

SPEAKER_01 34:30

And listen, another piece of actionable advice, because we are creating a platform from scratch, is that you build tolerance. The more you risk failure, the more you risk embarrassment, the more you go out on a limb and try to do something that no one that you know has ever done, you start building up tolerance for this feeling of, yeah, listen, I'm gonna look foolish, but it's okay. I'm trying something here. And I sent this to you earlier, Rich. Theodore Roosevelt wrote a great speech, and I'm not gonna get it too into it. If you have Google or Chat GPT, you should go look it up. But it's called The Man in the Arena, and it's one of the best speeches that any human that has accomplished what Theodore Roosevelt accomplished. LeBron James reposted this when he won his, I think, third or fourth MVP, and a whole bunch of reporters were writing negative like things about him, and he just posted as a caption with his four championships and his four MVPs, he posted, all the glory goes to the man in the arena. Death to the man who lives to criticize the man in the arena. For that man knows his full potential. He has dirt on his body and blood on his face, but he's met his full potential. The man in the arena is such a beautiful feeling, and I really wish every young person gets an opportunity to have some blood on their face and dirt on their clothes because they tried and failed and tried and failed and met their full potential. So that little passage from Theodore Roosevelt, who I discovered it through LeBron James, was huge for me, Rich. I do believe there is glory for the man who tries, and there is a thousand deaths for the coward who criticizes. Damn. I live by that. I want to get that shit tatted on my body. I truly, truly feel I'm hot right now because I I hate people to just sit around and criticize. It makes me so angry. It's a waste of potential.

SPEAKER_00 36:28

Yeah. But you you know, let me pose a caveat because I I feel like this is real interesting. Like on one end, we're saying to not be jealous, not be envious, but that jealousy is also a benchmark to let you know what your baseline is and and how to level up.

SPEAKER_01 36:46

It's not just a benchmark, it is a fucking headlight of light that's showing you through the fog. It's showing you the way that hate comes from your fucking subconscious whispering in the back of your mind, hey Rich, we could have been that, but we're not that. Yeah. Why are we not that? That is what jealousy is. It's your subconscious reminding you you could be better. You hate that guy because you're not him. Not because you hate him, it's your potential whispering to you. That's what hate is. It is a fucking high beam looking through the fog that is doubt, bro. I know the feeling. You know the feeling. And when you get to that other side, Rich, it's such a beautiful. I wish everyone could feel the feeling. It's beautiful, bro. Actually, you share this video with me. You've probably shared it with me eight times. You know what I'm gonna say. Arasanya, what did he say when he said um, like the glory of knowing that I I could die out here? And it's I wish somebody could feel this feeling. There's no better feeling. What do you think he meant when he said that? I know I fucked the quote up.

SPEAKER_00 37:53

Nah, yeah, he he he was fighting uh a dude, I forgot his name, but he was said on in the fight last round, he said, I'm prepared to die. Like I'm prepared to.

SPEAKER_01 38:03

And he said he also said, I wish people could feel this feeling. It's such a glorious feeling. Yeah. What do you think he meant when he said that?

SPEAKER_00 38:11

Bro, an out-of-body experience. Like he was just ready to go out on his shield no matter what the result was. But that's the difference between someone who, like you said, who's in the arena taking action at the highest level while the other dude is at the couch eating potato chips, watching the pay-per-view. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_01 38:31

Yo, listen, I got your question, by the way. I didn't mean to dodge your question. I just know you personally, and you get revved up. You, Richard Sanchez, you get revved up when you get excited when you see quotes like that. You want to know why? Because you've been on that other side. It's a glorious feeling. It's a glorious feeling. Oh, yeah, bro.

SPEAKER_00 38:47

I listen, I love overachievers. I love anyone who's doing incredible things. I love people who just have this sort of like out-of-body experience where they're just above themselves as like a human being. Like, I love moments like that. But I I do want to get back to the question because I feel like how do you dial that knob, Just? Like, if it's too high, you become a hater, right? You're just jealous of everyone, jealous of men, the world, everyone doing better than you. If it's too low, then you're passive. You're the guy on the couch eating chips, watching greatness, but you never take action. So I think it'll be helpful for us to like figure out like how do you dial that knob? You know what I'm saying? Like there has to be a middle ground where like, because we're saying a little bit of jealousy is healthy. That's how you measure the baseline of where you're at and what you can become, looking at the person who does have what you have, right? And if you're not jealous enough, then it feels like you're not a person who's non action and who's not working towards anything. So, like, what what's the middle ground there?

Rewire Envy Into Curiosity

SPEAKER_01 39:54

I think the middle ground and the greatest starting point for a young man who feels motivated. You could call hate what you want to call it. It depends on what label you put on it. But if your body perks up at the idea of someone having something that you want, you can see it as motivation, fuel, or you could see it as, I'm not enough, I will never get that. That is the split decision that you make with yourself based on how you see the fucking world, bro. Huge. You decided a long time ago that I'm not capable of having more. And you either play the victim, you play the fool, you play the fucking boggle, you're just lazy, you don't like doing anything, and you've already accepted before the race started that your leg hurts too much. I can't run. You made that decision a long time ago, my boy. So that's number one. Number two is once you make the decision between inspiration or hate, motivation or jealousy, the number two thing is you have to decide this is not about me versus this person. This is about my internal scorecard. I'm just gonna improve on myself, but I am going to be looking at this person every now and then just to monitor and track my progress for someone that's ahead of me. It's not by chance that a racetrack is designed in a way that you can run with other people, but they put you right next to other people. So you make the decision to run your whole race looking at your own feet, looking ahead. But you know why the racetrack has other tracks? It's because it allows you for every now and then to look over your shoulder slightly. Don't stare at them because you're gonna fucking fall off or run off the track. You gotta glance over every now and then for a split second just to see what kind of progress you're making. By the way, racetracks have existed since the beginning of Olympia. This is something that has been baked into competitive nature for hundreds and hundreds, if not thousands of years. That's not a coincidence. Life is the same exact way. You run your race, you look down at your own feet, you're only as good as the preparation you did before you got to the race, and now you get to find out where you're at, where you stack up against other people. So, number two is internal scorecard. Know what you did to be in this position and know what you got to do in order to improve. And every now and then glance at the person next to you. I don't think it's any coincidence, Rich, that we had research that we pulled in our pre-show meeting. 75% of men report comparing themselves to another man daily. I'm gonna say that again. 75%. That means three in every four men wake up, brush their teeth, and think about how other men are doing better than them. You know who the other men are? The motherfuckers who are in denial, they lied when they did that survey. Because they too wake up thinking about other men, but they quit. So my Justin research says 100% of humans wake up and compare themselves to other humans. And by the way, there's nothing wrong with that. So I hate to go on a rant about your question, but I do think that's to solve. You have to have an internal scorecard. You're really not competing with other people, you're competing with your potential. And that fucking feeling that you feel of shame, it's really your body reminding you, damn, we could be doing a lot more.

Seek Rooms That Stretch You

SPEAKER_00 43:09

Yeah. Well, I think that's incredible. I mean, it sounds cliche, but what I think what you're really saying is like it's really just a mindset shift and how you really view jealousy and envy and the benchmark of where you're at compared to where you want to be. And I do agree with you. I feel like it's it's you internalizing your own insecurities and you sort of have to reshift your mindset. Like you say this often, and I feel like we probably say this once every episode, but getting rid of the victim mentality, bro, and and getting out of that negative victim loop is so pivotal because you could look at any situation in a negative aspect and say to yourself, I'm not good enough, right? I look at this person, they have more than me. I'm not good enough to be where they're at. Or you could look at someone who does have more and be like, damn, one day I'm gonna get there. Yeah. I may not be there now, but one day I'm gonna get there. So it's it's two different mentalities.

SPEAKER_01 44:10

Rich, another piece of actionable advice that you mentioned before, but I want to add something to it was be careful who you compare yourself to, which I think that's a great point. But I would add to that, and I'm interested in to know what you think. Be careful who you compare yourself to, but also be mindful of who you surround yourself with. Because if you're around a bunch of passive, aggressive, underachieving haters, you take that same mentality in life. If you're the worst player on your football team, but you're on the football team, you're gonna allow those guys to motivate you to get better. And I find that people that have a self-improvement mentality, have this self-development mentality, they know how to pull men that are lagging behind up to where they're at. So don't only be mindful of who you compare yourself to, be mindful of who you surround yourself with. I think that's huge.

SPEAKER_00 45:02

Bro, that's so true. When I first started going to the gym, I had no idea what I was doing. I had no idea how to work any machines. And I found the two dudes in my job who were the most swole, who I know that were most disciplined and committed, and we're in the gym every day. And I literally asked them, like, do you guys think I could work out with you guys? And it was super intimidating for me because I'm telling you just these dudes were jacked. Like you could tell they've been working out for years. And bro, it was two jack dudes and my skinny self in a trio in the gym. But you know what, bro? Those dudes taught me everything, and they really made me better. And I know it might have looked a little funny, you know, the skinny guy with two strong dudes. No, not at all.

SPEAKER_01 45:44

Not at all.

SPEAKER_00 45:45

It helped out a lot.

SPEAKER_01 45:46

Not at all. My mom had a Yorkie, his name was um Coco, and my mom and my steppops had two pit bulls, chasing Venus, red nosed pit bulls. The Yorkie believed it was a pit bull.

SPEAKER_00 46:01

Crazy.

Triggers As Data

SPEAKER_01 46:02

It literally would try to do everything the pit bulls would do. There was a high couch my mom had that the pit bulls would run and jump and land on the couch. This Yorkie, no lie, Rich, would try to jump on the couch for two hours every day. He would just like run and look at them, get on the couch, and then hit head first for two hours. This motherfucker must have had a concussion. But the dog thought it was a bigger dog and it eventually learned how to climb on the side of the couch and get on the couch. We're animals at the end of the day. We're only as good as the people we surround ourselves with. So you made me think of that simple analogy, Rich, because you were the smaller dog around bigger dogs, but you could see the gap between you and them, and they were kind enough to be like, man, you could definitely be here one day. Yeah. You know who would tell you different? A fucking weasel who's never been to the gym and decided they don't want to get strong would tell you, bro, you're wasting your time with those guys. You know, genetically we're not built like them, so we can't develop the muscle they got. And the way that society has positioned us, it's these motherfuckers that at 15 years old they decided to sit on the sidelines and critique other people that turn into these grown men that try to stop a young Rich who's hanging out with the meatheads to not be great. Why did you want to be stronger, Rich? What was it that drove you to want to be stronger?

SPEAKER_00 47:23

Yeah, I mean, I was single at the time, so I was in pursuit of a woman. I wanted to be in a relationship and God damn it. Yeah, well, I wanted to be the best for my future girlfriend, wife, et cetera. Um, so that's when I really started working on my physical appearance.

SPEAKER_01 47:38

So you have a current career path, and I'll leave the company name out. But if you wanted to be more financially stable and build your wealth and your portfolio of wealth, you're in a position right now in your life, Rich, that you're probably one or two group chats or conversations away from getting some real good information on how to make more money. If you were surrounded by a bunch of guys that were just fucking bona fide haters and just hated on anybody who had money, you don't have access to the resources and information of how to get what you want. You just admitted and accepted that you're a victim. There's a character. I don't know if this is going to relate to our younger community, but do you remember the cartoon Recess when we were younger? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Recess, it's about a group of kids that they they're almost like constantly doing funny side missions to be young, wild, and crazy during recess. And it was a tribe of guys and girls that were like really cool and they worked together to do fuck shit. And then there was a character, his name was Randall Weems. He was a little frail redhead that looked like he was always snitching on everybody. And he hate, he just hated on the recess kids so much because he wanted to be a part of that group, but he couldn't be because he didn't accept the fact that he was the one that would have to start at the bottom. So he chose an alternate route. He would snitch on them every episode, and he had this really like cornball weasel ass fucking energy. And that's how I see a lot of these guys that choose that path in life. Don't be Randall Weens, don't be the hater. Be someone that could contribute to the mission, man. That really resonated with me, bro.

SPEAKER_00 49:26

Yeah, we're gonna put that dude's picture in the edit.

SPEAKER_01 49:30

I need that in the thumbnail. Don't be Randall, don't be Randall, bro. I fucking hated that kid growing up. And as an adult, I see a lot of men moving that way, and it pissed me off. Yeah. Now, I again, I I I veered far away. I did what you said not to do, real time. But I do think there's a lesson there, and I don't know if you want to help me out. What is the lesson?

Close With Action And Hope

SPEAKER_00 49:48

Yeah, I mean, listen, I think I have a lesson, and I feel like is you should take that envy and that jealousy and sort of create a checklist, bro. Like document it. I feel like oftentimes we feel things, uh, we feel certain emotions, jealousy, envy, and we don't document it. We don't internalize it, we don't really understand what triggered it. So understanding what your triggers are. If you're around a get money dude and you feel a little bit insecure inside, chances are you're not proud of your finances. You know what I mean? You're not doing well, and that's a trigger for you, right? So document that trigger. And I would say to take it a step further and understand that jealousy is information, bro. Now you have the information. Damn, every time I'm around some get money dudes, I tighten up. I'm quiet. I don't have an opinion on what's being spoken. But naturally, you could take that situation and be all ears, bro. Let the get money dudes talk, and maybe you could steal a nugget from that conversation that'll help you get some money in your pocket. So, yeah, I think that was pivotal, bro.

SPEAKER_01 50:55

Rich, one thing we haven't discussed, and it might be a crime to our younger community, is that basically the jail that social media puts a lot of these young men in because they're constantly looking at people that are living curated lives and posting their best pictures, living their best life. Now, we have about 20 episodes in the can right now. We've brought this up a few times, but I have to ask you, what what would be your advice to a young man that's looking at other people live their best life through social media? How do you think it affects them when they're in this weird time in their life where they're very envious and jealous of other people?

SPEAKER_00 51:30

Yeah, man, that's a tricky one because you know what I don't think we're ever gonna stop consuming social media content. That's just the nature of like our society and our culture and how we're built today. But like I said earlier, Jess, if you pick one lane, bro, and you dedicate yourself to one lane, I feel like naturally ambition and motivation and determination puts natural blinders on for you. And the race becomes you against you. You against you six months ago, and you measuring your level of success based on who you were a couple months ago, a couple weeks ago. Once you have sort of those blinders on and you're chasing your mission, you're not really worried about what anybody else is doing. You're not worried about what you see on social media, what your friends are doing, what celebrities are doing. Shit, I could say that about this platform we're building, bro. Like, I stop consuming any content that's not contributing to this mission right here. What you and I are building, this YouTube channel, this podcast, this media conglomerate that we're trying to build. I'm literally at a loss for what's happening in the world right now because I have blinders on to this motivation that I have of building this company with you.

SPEAKER_01 52:40

Um, you made me think of this quote, uh, a very rich white man said, which I love. Jealousy and envy is the worst kind of sin in the sins of life because it's the only one that you don't get any joy out of it. All you do is sit around watching and hating on other people, and it doesn't improve your life in any way possible, it just creates this like poison in your body, and that poison lives in your body until you take it out by taking action. So envy jealousy is the only sin that doesn't have any reward for the person who is basking in this sin. It's crazy to just sit around being mad about how other people are living while your life is not improving. And social media is literally designed for that. For you to sit around all day, quite literally sitting around looking at other people live their best lives, and all you do is judge. And the worst part, Rich, it's not even celebrities anymore. It's really our friends, our peers, beautiful women that you went to high school with or college with, and now you're seeing them get more attractive, more beautiful, and you're just sitting scrolling, thinking, Yeah, whatever, that bitch got two kids. Man, whatever. That bitch used to be the naturally just on your phone hating on other people. Yeah, your close friend closes on his second house. You're sitting there looking at your phone like this motherfucker got money from his family. Like, or he it's crazy what this shit does to your brain. It's wild, bro.

SPEAKER_00 54:25

Yeah. But like you said, Just, it's on you to rewire your mindset because you can look at those situations and be like, oh damn, she worked on herself. Good for her. Or you could look at the dude who got his second house and be like, damn, he's really doing it. Like, I I wonder if he knows about a course that I could take or or if he could teach me anything. Let me invite him out to coffee and see if I could pick his brain. So it's really on you to rewire your brain. I love that. I love that. Because, like I said, we're not gonna stop consuming social media content, but you could rewire how you view other people's success and people who are doing better than you, and you you could want to gravitate to that, obtain information, right? Work on things that can get you the information you need to better yourself.

SPEAKER_01 55:11

I seen this meme in preparation for this show on like a finance account, and they said it's funny that if you asked a bodybuilder for health advice, if you asked a founder for entrepreneurial advice, if you asked a billionaire for portfolio management advice, if you asked a musician for music advice, 10 out of 10 times, the people who have done it, they will happily give you feedback and advice because there's empathy for anybody that's ever accomplished something that you want and real recognized real people that have sacrificed and accomplished usually are pretty courteous when it comes to giving feedback and information. And you made me think about that, Rich, because you're saying if you could manage the perspective that you have when you have that feeling of envy, and you actually became curious, why do I feel this way? Maybe it's because I want what this person has. The meme that I read was basically confirming something that we know. If you shoot that person a DM, 10 times out of 10, if they really got it out of the mud, they'd be more than happy to be like, yeah, you got 30 minutes, I'll give you advice on how I built my empire. Yep. Why is that, Rich? Why is it that people that have tried, failed, sacrificed, and accomplished are always open to giving back information versus somebody who's in the comment section hating?

SPEAKER_00 56:38

Because I I think successful people are naturally sympathetic with the grind. They know what it takes to get to the level where they got to, and they're sympathetic for the people who want to be in their shoes. I I think we've often been in that situation as well where I've mentored people in the tech world, you've mentored other up-and-coming uh marketing professionals, and that's our version of sort of giving back to the youth because you know you're more prone to help someone when they're seeking the help, right? If it's just somebody watching you and making a comment, it's like, all right, my dude, but do you want to be here? Like, do you care about what I'm doing? Yeah. Because if you do, I'll teach you. But if you're just gonna write some bullshit in the comments, then go fuck yourself.

SPEAKER_01 57:25

Yeah. You know what though? It it almost feels like the hate and the toxic comments on shitting on other people for trying is low-key like a cry for help. It's just a different type of cry for help. That shit is a trigger for me.

SPEAKER_00 57:40

People making fun of other people for making an attempt on something and being like, ha ha, look, he tried to do something but couldn't do it. Nah. Bro, that shit drives me absolutely fucking insane. Don't you patronize and criticize someone for going for something. They're chasing their dreams. I don't give a fuck if they're the the slowest in the race or or not the brightest. They're going after it, they're taking action. And you are on the sidelines criticizing that. How dare you, bro? Sit your ass down and keep eating your fucking popcorn and watching Netflix.

SPEAKER_01 58:16

May God give all the glory to the man in the arena, bro. That's it, Rich. May God give all the glory to the man who tries. Blood on his face, dirt on his body. Bro, even if you came out in last place, a real one is gonna recognize the effort and be like, yo, that kid in three years is gonna be a fucking menace. Look how hard he's going. Look how fucking dedicated he is. That is the the the the salt and sugar in the ingredient of success, Rich. That's why that spoke to you right there. Because imagine your son teasing and making fun of a kid trying hard. You would probably reprimand your son and be like, yo.

SPEAKER_00 58:56

Bro, you made me visualize the hater so vividly that I just want to punch the screen.

SPEAKER_01 59:02

Why? Because you know what it is to try, bro. You know what it is to be in your room alone and being like, damn, I can't figure this out.

SPEAKER_00 59:08

This whole platform that we're building, just is called failures. It's about our trials and tribulations and the struggle that it's taken for us to be where we're at. We have to feel strongly about this. It's the whole thesis of our business and our podcast.

SPEAKER_01 59:24

It's the Takashi 6ix9ine of self-help, is the guy who sits on the sidelines trolling everybody. It's the Randall Weems of Recess that just sits around hating on people having a good time. If you can't get in the game and win, shut the fuck up. That's basically what we're saying. But that's not reality. And I think you mentioned that. That's not reality. And I think that is not, that's also not our community. That's why I don't feel bad targeting that person. I'm saying at this tender age of teenage years or the first few years of college, you get to make that decision. If you really want more money, if you really want the girls, if you really want the status, if you really want a better life for yourself, get used to feeling that feeling of competitive nature taking over you and consuming you, and then making that decision to take action and change what you don't feel comfortable with. Sitting around being a fucking hater has never worked out for anybody. And it does work out for some people, but you get to live your life as a fucking coward. And by the way, those guys that get to win off of being journalists or uh gossip content writers or people that literally sit around and just put on a green screen or turn on a live stream and hate on anybody that's done anything. Rich, you know the project that I just released. I done went through fucking 20 pieces of content of people that have never achieved anything in their life criticizing some of the coolest and most risk-taking artists that try to go out there and create something for the world to enjoy. And you just got a whole, bro, it's a whole world of people that just wait for somebody to do something and then they go on live and start shitting on it. It's ah man, I wish I could say more people's names, but I won't, I won't, I won't.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:10

What do they say? An opinion is like assholes, everyone's got one. And they all stink. We're done here.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:17

Rich, I think that's it, bro. We don't have nothing left to say. I don't want to end that up. I don't want, hold on, I don't want to end on a negative note. I feel like I'm getting hot. I'm getting hot. Uh yeah, I'm hot. Yeah, take it away. Take it away. Give something positive to the people.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:28

Um, listen, accept that jealousy is part of leveling up. Accept that it's part of your growth. Accept it as informational. This is the baseline of where you're at. And a little bit of jealousy is you internalizing and saying to yourself, I want more. I want what this person has, and I'm gonna work and mobilize myself to have what they have. That's it, Jess.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:53

Yep. And listen, the pressures of life, they expose the truth about who you are currently. And that's okay if you're not where you want to be. That's not hate, that's not jealousy. That's just life reminding you that you have a lot more growth and development to do. So get to it. Pressure exposes, pressure creates diamonds. It's a cliche, but it's true. Accept that pressure as your guiding light into the fog. I want people to be excited about feeling competitive. I don't want anybody to feel defeated because they feel competitive and now they haven't done anything and they're resentful towards other people or feel like a victim. I don't, I know that's not our community. I just want to be clear on anybody that's young and is in that weird position in their life where they they're filled with rage and and and um jealousy. Like it's fine, man. That's cool. It's like you said, Rich, it depends on how it depends on how you frame it, how you how you use it, how you weaponize it, um, and how you move forward, whatever action you take. So, you know, that's probably the most positive thing I could say, because I'm never gonna be that, and I pray that I'm never around that. Jealousy is a very weak emotion, so stay away from it for sure.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:05

There you have it, failures podcast. Listen, man, follow us at failuresmedia and subscribe right here. Right here. If you're a hater, don't subscribe.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:15

No, no, if you are a hater, fucking subscribe. Get that demon out of you, get that poison out of your fucking body. We're out of here. Yeah, failures podcast.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:25

Peace.