SPEAKER_01: 0:04

To most men that are playing the middle, the only person you're cheating is yourself. You want to have your cake and you want to eat it too. You want to live a life of safety and convenience, but you want to come on these platforms and complain that you feel like you're not achieving enough. If the gratification that comes with complaining and talking about it is enough for you, then job well done. You did it. You went online, you talked about it, you didn't do anything about it, and now you're back to your life. There is no reward that comes without someone that sacrifices a little bit more. If you played it safe and you got what you got, you deserve that. You deserve everything you got, good or bad, however you want to interpret it. Today we're talking about quote unquote the perfect life trap. Today's episode is for the guy who did everything right, but he still feels a little empty inside. You got the guy who got good grades, stable job, safe girlfriend, you saved all the money for the house. Shit, you probably even bought the house. You checked off all the happy life boxes, quote unquote. So let me ask you a question. Why do you still feel empty? Why do you still feel bored? Why do you still wake up at night feeling unfulfilled, even though you did everything that you were told that you had to do? You followed the safe life plan. A safe life doesn't always equal or guarantee a happy life, more important and fulfilled life. If you've done everything right in your 20s and you feel like you're living in a self-made hell of sameness, the question you ask yourself every day you wake up is what if this is the rest of my life forever? That fear, this version of your life is locked in dot dot dot forever. And this episode is for you. Rich, why does this hit men so hard? What is the perfect life trap? And I don't know, can you relate? Have you ever had this feeling?

SPEAKER_00: 2:02

Yeah, man. The perfect life trap is exactly what you said. It's when you feel like you're doing everything right. You went to college, you got your degree, you got the job, you got the good job, you got the the girl, you got the house, the dog, the children, the white picket fence. And you know, you essentially you played it safe. You feel like you did everything right, you checked off all the boxes, but you still feel empty. You look back and you start to reflect on your life and you start to ask yourself, is this the rest of my life? Is this it? Right. And bro, I think that feeling comes from a place of not feeling fulfilled, feeling like there's something missing. There's part of the equation in your life that's missing, whether that be you stop following your dreams, you stop doing a hobby you were into or a passion that you really enjoy. And that's what we're here to unpack today, man.

SPEAKER_01: 2:54

Yeah, Rich, one thing that I read on a community board that was about this specific subject was why do I feel like I'm trying to be more grateful for a life that I'm already beginning to hate? And I think in our pre-show meeting, you had mentioned something that was unpacking the word hate or resentful or angry towards the life that is quote unquote perfect. You had a more sophisticated and mature perspective on this. And it really came from life experience. Is there anything you want to shed on that angle of feeling like this person is starting to hate a perfect life that they've built for themselves?

SPEAKER_00: 3:29

Yeah, listen, this person is slash was me just 10, 12 months ago. You know, I started to look back and reflect on my life. And I was very happy and content with a lot of the things in my life. But there was always this one thing that kept burning inside of me, burning in my soul and my spirit, of uh this feeling that I couldn't shake, which was like, are we doing everything we wanted to do? Are we happy with this life? Are we happy if this life continues this exact same way for the next 50 years? And once the answer to that was no, I immediately knew that I needed to take some type of action or change something drastic so that I didn't feel this feeling of being stuck in this life and this routine that I've built for myself.

SPEAKER_01: 4:21

You know, there is a truth that I can agree with too, Rich, and I'm glad you shared that. And we should definitely get a little deeper into that feeling that you had and how you conquered it and how failures is basically the platform and the baby that came from that feeling you had. So I love when our show topics kind of morph into our personal real lives, because we have actual proof of how you took your own actionable advice that we're probably gonna share in this episode, and you created a platform that is one, addressing that feeling that you had, scratching that itch of wanting a little bit something more, more, a bigger challenge in your life, and three, uh resting your head at night with your wife and your kids, but knowing in the back of your mind that you don't have to have that feeling of doubt. And the doubt is damn, is this it? What if this is it? Same job, same routine. I'm not broke, I'm not failing, I'm not irresponsible. But what is it about this feeling if this is it forever? And I think when you add the word forever, even when I say it, it makes everything feel like a jail that you no longer get to be the eagle that soars through the sky freely. You're kind of confined and a beautiful cage, but a cage nonetheless.

SPEAKER_00: 5:41

Yeah. I think most men want that feeling of being feeling fulfilled in all aspects of life. We want to feel like we're contributing to something. We want to feel like we're we're on a journey, we're building, we're growing. And when part of that life plan feels empty, that's when this anxiety and this resentment starts to muster up in you. And you start to feel like, man, maybe I'm not on the path that I want to be on, or maybe this safe plan that I built for myself is exactly that, a safe plan. And maybe you no longer want to follow that safe plan. Maybe you feel like you need some radical change or something to really spark that nucleus inside of you that says, hey, we could be doing better. We want more out of life.

SPEAKER_01: 6:30

You know, I think this episode is really designed for a specific type of guy. And you might be a younger man watching this thinking, damn, I'm already feeling that feeling because I have the college degree. Uh, I paid off all my loans. I'm set up to buy a house. I've been dating my girlfriend since I was in high school. Everything feels safe. And I think what Rich and I are talking about is reserved for a small percentage of men. But if you click this episode, you clicked it with intent to kind of address a feeling that you have inside. And I think there is something for the guy that wants to conquer and accomplish more year over year. He enjoys pulling that rope. And the more that rope comes out, he enjoys pulling it. There is a specific type of man out there that doesn't like boring predictability, the monotony of life, just doing the same thing every day. I know a lot of people personally that they love their lives. They work Monday through Friday, they get up at 6 a.m., they go punch in, they come home, they do the same thing after work, they watch football on Sunday, uh, Saturday is for um shopping with your wife or fixing up the house. There's nothing wrong with that. But this episode is not for that guy. This is for you. If you feel that stability and born predictability is something that kind of gives you a little bit of anxiety, you want the freedom to try and challenge yourself, grow for more. And I think that's what we're talking to today, Rich.

SPEAKER_00: 7:55

Yeah, and I think sometimes having a routine feels suffocating. You feel like the days are blurring into one another, the weekends feel too short, you're tired before the day even starts, right? Things like that. And, you know, to your point, there's nothing wrong with having a routine. But when the routine becomes monotonous and you start to have that feeling of like, damn, I guess this is the life we're always going to have. This is the routine forever. That's sort of like the dangerous mindset that we're here to address.

SPEAKER_01: 8:29

Yeah, the phrase that I've been circling around is you fight for a life of comfort, safety, and freedom and success. But that comfort and success eventually becomes your prison. And now you're locked into this world that you've built for yourself. And I know that feeling. It's the curse of the person who wants more and gets more. It's the curse for the conqueror, it's the curse of the person who wants more from their life. Once you figure out this cheat code in life that you can get everything you want from it, you start looking further up that mountain and thinking, but what if there's more? What if there's more? And that appetite doesn't really go away. This is why some of the best and most accomplished people in the world are always working. What do you think LeBron James feels right now in his last year of his career? Or maybe next year is gonna be the last year of his career. There is a sadness that comes over somebody that has accomplished a lifelong goal. It's this melancholy that comes over you that you're like, damn, is this it? Is this what I thought it was gonna be? I finally caught the woman in the red dress. What now?

SPEAKER_00: 9:43

Yeah. And listen, if we're here to solve for that pain point, I think one of the biggest things that I can suggest to a young man or any man out there feeling this feeling is just slow down, my boy. Like you're you're looking at this moment in time, this routine, this sort of safe, perfect life that you've built for yourself, and you're feeling like, man, this is the next 50 years, 80 years, 100 years. And it doesn't have to be that way, right? Like you don't have to feel like where you're at currently, this present time will be like that forever. This is just where you are now. And to be clear, you are not doing anything wrong. You played it safe, you did all the right things. You went to school, you got your degree, you got the job, you got the woman, you got the apartment or the house, you checked off all the boxes, but you're acknowledging that something is still missing, a passion, a dream, a journey that you want to be on that you currently found yourself not pursuing anymore. We're telling you to get back on that horse. Don't be so extreme to feel like this is your life and there's no change in sight.

SPEAKER_01: 10:55

Yeah, uh, Rich, I love what you said. And I I think you're you're way more practical of an adult than I am. Sometimes I can be extreme in the decisions I make. Hell, I ended up in Los Angeles, California, off of the idea that maybe I hit a ceiling in my career and I was hitting a ceiling at the company that I was at and I wanted more for myself. But no one's saying that you have to be Justin, no one's saying that you have to be rich. But I do believe that if you are a go-getter and you're somebody that has undeniable ambition inside of you, this shit is like a magnet. It pulls you further up the mountain, whether you like it or not. That is just a curse of somebody who is ambitious. There's nothing wrong with that. But there is a gap between the way I move and the way Rich moves. And I think all of it is within reason. You're taking a risk, but you're taking a risk with some foundation of that risk. I'm not taking a fatal risk, I'm taking a risk. And I think life can permit you a higher risk level based on what you have to be accountable for. So in Rich's situation, he has a home. He has a girl that he's been with for a while, he's building a family with, and they just had a beautiful kid. You can still pivot in your life and take a little side quest. And I think that's what we're talking about here, Rich. And you should definitely go a bit further into the conversation we had this time last year about building a platform and really capitalizing on all this life experience we have and all this experience we have with building media companies.

SPEAKER_00: 12:24

Yeah, for sure. Listen, I think as a man, naturally, to your point earlier, there's all these sort of predefined boxes that you have to check off as a man. And we try our best to check off those boxes. Unfortunately, I feel like most of the time, those boxes are set for other people, right? Because we are providers, protectors, we are earners. So we're doing all of these things for our children, for our girlfriend, for our wives, parents, family, siblings. We do a lot for others. And what tends to happen for most men is you start to feel like you're neglecting yourself. You stop going to the gym, you stop pursuing a passion, you stop doing a hobby, you stop playing sports, you stop eating healthy, you stop to do all these things that made you happy. And that is what creates the void is damn, this is my life, this is what my life has become. And you can't see sort of that next chapter of evolution of yourself.

SPEAKER_01: 13:32

Rich, I think a great stat that I was able to pull from our research, which is right in line with what you said, was 70% of men either choose a college degree based on job security or the suggestion from their parents. Not anywhere in that formula did they ask themselves, what do I enjoy? What am I naturally good at? What is something that I am genuinely curious about? And if you are someone that is diligent and you're a fucking A-tier problem solver, you have the ability and you have this curse, Rich. You have the ability to look straight down and knock every box checking off until you get to the goal. But I guess what we're both saying here, and what you just said very eloquently, was you have to ask yourself in the beginning, hey, what do you want out of this? Is there a part of this process that is not only about your parents, about your girlfriend, about the village that you signed up to take care of, which we think you should, but there should be a good 30 to 50% of that mission that is deeply embedded inside of you that is also excited about doing these things that you're gonna dedicate the rest of your life to. And I think that's what makes the dot dot dot forever in this equation feel ominous. It does feel a little scary when if I thought if I told myself right now, 39, Justin, this is your life, dot, dot, dot forever, I would instantly freak the fuck out. I'll be like, whoa, whoa, wait, wait, not forever. I I need the freedom to still explore. I need the freedom to be curious, I need the freedom to pursue something that maybe I don't want right now. That forever in the perfect life is scary. And you would think for most people that wouldn't be scary.

SPEAKER_00: 15:13

Just it's the scariest feeling in the world. And I had this feeling less than 12 months ago when I came to you and we were bouncing ideas off of each other about like, hey, should we try to purchase a business? Should we create another platform? We had all these ideas swirling in our head. And one of the things that I remember profoundly sharing with you was whatever we built this time has to be it. It has to be the one thing we're both passionate about, and we could see ourselves doing, quote unquote, forever. And the reason why I said that was because I knew I was reaching a point of contention in my life where I did check off all those boxes. I had the children, the wife, the house, the great job, the college degree. I had all these things that were good for serving my tribe and my inner circle and my family, but I was losing the spark and the dream that I had of pursuing something that to me felt fulfilling, felt like, man, I have something to share with the world, and I don't know how to do that. And when we came together, that's part of the origin story of how failures was born. It was born out of the idea that we both felt like we still had something to share with the world, and we just needed a platform to do that.

SPEAKER_01: 16:36

Yeah. I mean, wow. We could end the show there. This is actually going to be the video when you end up on our homepage. Because our platform that we are giving back to the people that are climbing the mountain that we are a little further ahead on, this contribution came from a real life moment that we had. So, Rich, I do want you to take a moment and really think about what would be your advice for a 27-year-old man that is 10 years behind you, that is feeling that feeling of settling. And he doesn't have a greater hobby, let alone a greater mission that would make him feel fulfilled.

SPEAKER_00: 17:17

Yeah, my response to this young man is this moment is normal. First of all, is normal what you're feeling because this feeling I feel like I've felt multiple times in my life. This is not just the first time that I'm feeling this feeling of like, damn, I'm stuck and this is my life forever. I felt this multiple times in my life. So if you're someone who's a little younger, 25, 26 years old, the first thing I would tell you is this feeling doesn't last forever. And second of all, this place where you feel like you're at in your life, a feeling stuck, doesn't last forever. You have the ability to take some sort of action. This is like to me, just the warning sign. When you feel this feeling, this pit in your stomach that something is missing, this is your mental and your body and your physical being telling you, hey, hey, hey, hey, the course we're on is not fulfilling. We need some sort of change. What that change is, I feel like that's unique and proprietary to everyone. And you need to figure out what that change is for you. It could very well be that you had a hobby, you used to play guitar, you put the guitar down, and now you feel like there's a void. So maybe you need to pick that guitar up and continue practicing and keep playing because that particular hobby brought you happiness and now it's missing.

SPEAKER_01: 18:32

So you're saying the the guitar in Rich Sanchez's life is doing the unthinkable and building a multi-million dollar business. Is that your guitar?

SPEAKER_00: 18:43

My guitar is being on a journey that no one around me can see the light at the end of the tunnel, and me being like, nah, bro, I'm a builder. I'm gonna chip away at this very complex goal of building a platform and a YouTube channel and a podcast and uh content media conglomerate, let's say, and no one around me could sort of see the vision, but I know that being on that journey brings me fulfillment.

SPEAKER_01: 19:14

You know what I feel like, Rich? Right now you're up at that and you're fucking Otani and you're pointing at the home run wall and you're going, This is me calling my shot. We make these episodes to help out other people, but I could almost feel the inner kid in you coming out in the passion that you're delivering this message to. Because 27-year-old Rich still needs 27-year-old Rich advice, even at 37, right? Because sometimes you got to remind yourself like, oh, this is why I'm a little down. This is why I'm feeling like life is getting boring and predictable. It's because I stopped picking up the guitar and playing it. I always wanted to master this thing, but now it's collecting dust in the fucking backyard of my beautiful home.

unknown: 19:59

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SPEAKER_01: 20:00

Most of these episodes are dedicated to people who are lives are in fucking shambles. And we are literally trying to get people to Home Depot so they can understand where the blocks and the bricks and the cement of life are at. Rarely do we do 400-level courses where we are we are standing in front of an already built house. And the sicko that we're talking to, which is obviously you, Rich, is thinking, how do I build another house? Can I sell this house to build another house? That person, which is you, Rich, is never gonna find his happiness unless he's working on something that he feels is exciting that he can look forward to. You always have to wake up with something to look forward to. I think that is a very common theme in all of these uh uh messages we're sharing.

SPEAKER_00: 20:50

Yeah, for sure, bro. And listen, I pray, I pray that all of our viewers end up being these hustlers, these dudes that just really want more out of life. And, you know, this conversation is very nuanced because if you're a person out there who does have all these things and has checked all the boxes, on one end, you should be very grateful for where you're at. Well, let's not let's not take that away from everything you've accomplished up until this point. You should be very grateful about where you're at. So this idea of figuring out what's next shouldn't cancel out all the accomplishments you've had up until this point. We're just here to acknowledge the fact that you do feel like something's missing. There's something in your life that does not feel fully fulfilling. You're a type of person who doesn't see a clear defined next chapter in your life. And we're here to tell you, man, that feeling is normal and you might feel that a couple times throughout your life. And, you know, hopefully we'll share some actionable advice to kind of help you reframe the way you view your current life and what that next chapter looks like.

SPEAKER_01: 21:59

Yeah, Rich. I think, you know, just to put a button on it is the safe life is not a life that is a guaranteed happy life. And our viewers should know that. And if you are a part of that small percentage of young men and you're watching this show, this episode is for you if you want to understand that feeling a conflict is actually a magnet pulling you towards something more exciting. And there's nothing wrong with that. We mentioned this in our last episode, Rich. And I think this is just an extension of part two of our last episode, which is about dream killers. And this episode is about the guy who didn't allow anyone to kill his dream, but he still accomplished everything, and now he has this feeling and he yearns for more. That feeling is the equivalent of the dog who is scratching on the glass of the backyard and he wants to go out and play. He wants to go out and dig holes, he wants to go out and look for squirrels. There are animals designed that way. And if you keep them in a small apartment, they will fucking destroy your whole apartment. Why? Because they need something to do. They have to solve problems. And I love this topic because I believe that if there's a 27-year-old version of Justin listening to this right now, let me be your life. I'm going to tell you some things that may be seen as fucked up, and your parents and your siblings might think you're fucked up, speaking from experience. But you know what? I feel fulfilled when I wake up every moment. I'm happy. I'm content. I'm pursuing something. I'm climbing a mountain that I know nobody has ever climbed. And that shit just keeps me up at night and pops me up in the morning. I am the dog scratching on the back of the glass, hoping to find a bigger challenge. And that's why Rich and I, this has become a love letter to failures. And I and I do want to get to actionable advice. I'm happy to be on this journey with you because I know we're gonna figure it out. And if we don't, I know we're gonna have a good old time fucking suffering on our way to figuring it out, which is something that we enjoy. We're enjoying the pain of the process. And I think that, like you said, every man deserves that outlet if he desires that outlet. So if you feel like the quote unquote perfect life has you trapped, your success has become a prison, this episode is definitely for you. Rich, I do want to get to actionable advice number one, and you quickly grazed on it, but I do want to double down on this piece of actionable advice, which is are you sure the life plan that you've perfectly executed was your life plan? I think that's maybe not a question that you have to ask yourself, because I know I designed my life and you did. But if we look at a young man in his early 20s, he's probably executing a plan someone else drew up for him. Now, that's complicated and a bit more nuanced because it could be a plan that he agreed to with his girlfriend, a plan that he agreed to with his parents. But something is missing in you when you're executing somebody else's life script.

SPEAKER_00: 24:54

Yeah. Listen, I think circumstances naturally define what your life plan ultimately becomes. And I think that's probably the more of like you and I's story. But there's certainly other guys out there who have very strict parents that want their children to go to medical school, want them to go to law school, want them to take over the family business. And they're sort of handicapped in this plan because it's the plan that the family decided was the plan for you. And that's a difficult one to unpack, but I do like the actionable advice of just reflecting on that plan and making sure that whatever you're pursuing in this life, that it's the best plan for you. I feel like you only know what's best for you. You only know what's the most fulfilling journey for you, and you should absolutely take all the steps necessary to follow that plan.

SPEAKER_01: 25:53

Yeah, I love what you're saying, and and there should be some grace given for the young man who is ahead of his peers and has knocked off all the priorities that he had to knock off. It's almost like I forgot, I think it's called Grandma's Rule. And grandma's rule is eat your vegetables before you do anything else. I think this episode is dedicated to the young man who absolutely crushed all his vegetables. And now he's feeling like he wants to have something sweet, something a bit more pleasurable. You can go the cheap dopamine route and absolutely turn your life into trips to Vegas, uh, mashing out with the homies on the weekend, spending your money on frivolous gambling things like uh crypto or uh uh penny stocks or day trading. There's a lot of cheap dopamine out there that you can definitely get the cupcake after you had all your vegetables. But what Rich and I would recommend is do something that is asymmetric, something that has a little bit of risk, so you can fulfill that feeling of feeling crazy and everything not being guaranteed. But the upside, if you execute on the risky assignment or side mission, can pay you back a hundred times. And I think that's something that Rich and I have always done in our lives. We always checked off the boxes and ate our vegetables, but we always had a little bit of playtime where we can go and experiment. And and like you had said, which is a metaphor, we picked up our guitar and we're trying to master the guitar that is a passion, a hobby. So, you know, eat your vegetables, but make time for risk. And there's no better time to risk than in your 20s because you have a lot of time to make up for those risks.

SPEAKER_00: 27:35

I love that. I have the next actionable advice, and I feel like every person out there should name what's missing. So don't try to diagnose your entire life. Just look at your present situation and try to figure out what's missing. It could be that you're missing a challenge. It could be uh you're you're feeling like you don't have purpose. The feeling could be you not having a brotherhood, right? Not having a sibling or a close homie to bounce ideas off of. There's a lot of things that create anxiety once you feel like you have that emptiness, that that feeling that something's missing. And before you address it, you have to figure out what exactly is missing, right? What is the part of your life that feels unfulfilling and feels like, oh, I guess this is the rest of my life. So I'm my actionable advice is name that one thing that's missing so that you can then uh tackle that problem.

SPEAKER_01: 28:32

I love that, Rich. And I'm not sure if you always write your own actionable advice because every time we do a list, you always give the advice, which I think is valuable because I never think of it, to take the step back and evaluate before you rush forward. You're a big snapshot guy. Hey, wait, wait, wait. Before we rush into anything, let's take a calculator step back, let's evaluate. Because you got to think about it. If a young man at 25 or an older guy, our age, 35, 39, is feeling this feeling every night before he goes to bed, then that means this has been on his mind for a while. And that is when you can take an action that may seem a little too chaotic because you're just trying to eat the steak in one bite. You're flirting with your coworkers, you're doing irrational shit because you're looking for this out. And what you're saying, which I love this advice because you give it so often, and it's true, is hey, before you rush into anything, take a step back, evaluate your life, try to find out what's missing. And when you can clearly point out what's missing, then build a plan to fill that void because you can make a lot of mistakes if you're acting out of just anger or frustration or sadness, which I assume is what you're trying to say.

SPEAKER_00: 29:54

Yeah, and listen, feeling something is a warning sign. Your body, your mind, your subconscious has an interesting way of warning you that something is wrong. So if you're feeling this feeling of emptiness, it's your mental subconscious telling you, hey, hey, hey, hey, wake up because this uh routine is no longer working. We're starting to decline on our mental health. We're starting to feel a little bit of depression, feel a little bit of anxiety. So there's a lot of warning signs that your mind gives you before you feel this ultimate need to take action.

SPEAKER_01: 30:31

Yeah, Rich, I think that's important. I tend to be someone that is overly reliant on my gut and my instincts, but I do believe that's why I love always giving a comparison to our viewers. And if you're watching this, you know I always try to create a metaphor between animal instincts. I do believe there is a Darwinian approach to a lot of the things that we are trying to stop ourselves from doing, which is very magnetic. It pulls us in a direction. And I think just trusting your gut, you have instincts for a reason. If you go to bed every night after 25 years of crushing every motherfucking assignment that the responsibility gods have put in front of you, and you still feel empty, that is your instincts. That is something in you that's telling you, man, I am an eagle. I want to fly, and I feel like I'm in a cage. It could be the prettiest cage in the world, the biggest cage in the world, but still a cage. So if your instincts are telling you to go out and do something, don't be a fucking asshole and ruin and jeopardize all the good credit that you've built for yourself to this moment. Don't destroy your relationship. Do not ruin the good faith and your personal reputation. But give yourself an opportunity to fly. I think that's important. I think you have to trust your instincts in that way. And Rich, there is something that I picked up from an author. His name is Robert Green. He wrote uh 48 Laws and Mastery. In his book, Mastery, he has something called Alive Time and Dead Time, which I thought is pretty genius and perfect for this conversation we're having. If you're watching this, understand the difference between a live time and dead time. Alive time is what it means, it keeps you alive. Dead time is overeating, overindulging, building the man cave, staying in the man cave all day, watching sports. We touch on this subject a lot, Rich, but the world has gotten really good at giving men cheap dopamine to keep them plugged on their phone and looking at a screen all day. And a live time is going out and doing something that feels like a mission that's greater than you, and you're an active participant. You're alive, you're not just consuming passively. So actionable advice would be understand the difference between a live time and dead time. If you're spending too much dead time just going through the motions, that could be killing a lot of your spirit.

SPEAKER_00: 32:57

I love that. And in that same vein, I feel like part of what's making you feel like this is your life and you're doomed forever is that you're looking too far out, my boy.

SPEAKER_01: 33:08

Rich, please go deeper into that one because you mentioned it on the pre-show. And I think that's something that even I suffer from.

SPEAKER_00: 33:15

Yeah, I mean, shit, me too. And that's why we're here to share this, is we oftentimes look 10 years, 15, 20 years down the line. And I think that vagueness of not knowing the final destination builds a lot of anxiety and it makes you feel like that life plan that you have or that you're on is not clear. And my advice, and this is something that I've adopted in my own life, is to shrink that time to weeks, months, maximum 90 days. I try not to look at life past, you know, a quarter, right? In the business world, everything is like first quarter, second quarter, third quarter, fourth quarter, right? And you know, Jan 1, a business builds a roadmap for the year, right? Like you have an idea of what you want the year to look like, but nothing is set in stone. Everything is week by week, month by month, quarter by quarter. And I've adopted that sort of business mindset into my life and it's paid dividends, bro. I highly encourage everyone to shrink that time of what you feel like your life is supposed to be and what those accomplishments are supposed to look like into no more than 90 days versus 10 years out.

SPEAKER_01: 34:30

Yeah, that I mean, that's great advice, Rich. There's no better feeling than focusing on the task at hand. And I feel like every self-development book I've ever read when we were younger and we were sharing an Audible account, I think they were always making that point, but just in different ways. And as a 39-year-old, it's clearer now than it was as a kid when I was trying to read these 100-year-old books, trying to understand the meaning and the definition of life. And there is a beauty to focusing on the task at hand. If you were once dumb enough to pursue the mission of finding a beautiful, loyal, and respectful woman in year 12 of executing that vision, you shouldn't abandon 12 years of work because you're looking into a future that is highly unpredictable and it's filled with a bunch of desires that you don't necessarily need. There is something that got you to this point that you should look back at with an appreciation and continue to nurture the thing that's in front of you. So I love that, Rich. This idea of stop looking far ahead and shrink the timeline into what's in front of you is amazing. I could have used that advice this week, to be honest with you. Because this is the two weeks that I have off of work in the music business. So this is where I start getting anxious and I start planning for the next five years. And if anyone I speak to that is not seeing my five-year plan the way I see it, I'm very, very anxious towards these people. I'm I'm I'm like a I'm like a hungry dog. I'm snapping at everybody. And that's because I'm starting to get paralyzed by the timeline that's way too far out. So, Rich, thanks for that advice, man. I needed it.

SPEAKER_00: 36:17

Yeah, man. Listen, if if you give uh an ambitious man too much time, uh naturally that anxiety is gonna kick in and your your head starts to swirl and you get into a dark place. You can't tell a runner to just sit down. Eventually, his natural instincts are going to want to be to either run, practice running, do some fucking lunches. You know what I mean? Like do something.

SPEAKER_01: 36:41

Man, I mean, I am the runner, especially with as much fucking caffeine as I drink in the morning. I I when I'm two cups of coffee in, I might fuck around and paint the house a whole different color just because I have the free time. So you have to know yourself. I thought that was great advice, Rich. You definitely have to know yourself. And when you know yourself, just know that it's important to put a plan together. All great men put a plan together. But all greater men who have accomplished real life shit also know that that plan goes out the window in the first 20 hours of trying to execute it because reality happens. And you can only deal with reality and the truth that is reality in real time. So have a long-term plan. But to your point, shrink down your ambitions to what's in front of you. It'll make the anxiety go away because you're actually working on something. And it's so ironic that me and you have pre-show meetings, post-show meetings, we we text, we talk, and I can feel the anxiety of wanting to be this multi-million view platform, and we're trying to solve for uploading video 25. And we have to take a little bit of our own medicine, Rich. So I'm I'm very happy you gave that advice. One thing that I wrote down and I want to mention because I find it to be very relatable is the Sunday scaries. This is a thing.

SPEAKER_00: 38:00

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 38:01

I don't know why, but like clockwork, every seven days, Sunday around 5 p.m., I start getting anxious. Because I'm thinking about work Monday. I'm thinking about all the stuff that I didn't do on Friday. I'm thinking about all these long-term goals that I have in my life. And I start getting this pit in my stomach. What's today? Sunday? Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 38:23

You're getting it now.

SPEAKER_01: 38:25

I can already feel the feeling. I'm getting it right now. So don't ignore the Sunday scaries. That awful feeling that consumes you when you feel like you're not moving and acting on something. That is it's a purgatory. It's a tough place to live in. Just set your alarm an hour earlier for Monday and get to action as soon as possible. But that definitely is my actionable advice because we're talking about a man that feels a little depressed because his life is quote unquote perfect. So my point is don't ignore it and move on it.

SPEAKER_00: 38:58

Yeah, that Sunday scary feeling is like I mentioned earlier, it's a warning sign. It's your mind, your subconscious, telling you, hey, did we accomplish everything we wanted to accomplish this week? Are we going to improve next week? Are we going to do better? Are we going to say, are we going to do the things that we didn't do? Are we going to procrastinate less? Like your mind just starts start naturally talk to itself. And you're just trying to answer all these questions about the week. And you know what's a weird concept, Just? The future, bro. The future is scary if you let your mind wander too deep into that rabbit hole of the what ifs, the possibilities, the anxiety of feeling like you're not where you need to be. Like, there's two different mindsets. You could think of the future as being promising and being hopeful and being like, man, I can't wait for the future. Or it could be a very scary place, and you could be like, damn, I'm afraid. Of what the future brings because I feel like I don't I'm not on the right path or I don't have the right plan right now to execute on things that or challenges that I might face in the future. So that future concept to me is very complex and very nuanced for anyone, you know?

SPEAKER_01: 40:17

Yeah, I I love it. I don't think that any man who is incredibly ambitious should overthink the future because it's the action that will get you to that future inevitably. And everything changes. This is me from 10 years ago at 29 saying, Justin, you think you know, but you have no motherfucking idea. This is me from the past saying everybody has a plan until they get punched in their motherfucking jaw. This is life. Life be life in. I was actually considering naming failures, life be life in, because that's all we're really talking about on this platform, Rich. Is the future is never as predictable as you think it will be. But that's why you got this far, because you took the safer path. You took the path with the least resistance. And that's smart when you don't come from anything. You don't need any more instability in your life when you come from a fucked up past. But now you're at a breaking point. You want a little bit more of a challenge in your future. What your future is now. We're telling you stop thinking so far ahead and stop thinking so safe. You're good. You already ate your carrots. Now it's time for a little bit of dessert. Enjoy yourself. Don't risk it all, but definitely enjoy yourself with a good old challenge. But I never really thought about it from that framing, Rich. I thought that was a really good point.

SPEAKER_00: 41:38

Yeah, and it's funny, someone recently told me a good quote that I put in my pocket, which was every dead body on Mount Everest was once an ambitious man. And that that quote fucked me up because I was like, damn, that's so true. Like we don't really look at life that way, but in pursuit of something, like you don't plan for unforeseen things. And yeah, it's managing risk, right?

SPEAKER_01: 42:04

Like, this is again, this is a 400-level episode. Meaning there's way more nuance in every individual's life. So it's really hard for Rich and I to try to give the one pill prescription to each person that will solve all their problems. That's not how life works. Life be life it. Meaning, you create a plan, you have a plan, the plan is a five-year plan, and then on week one, the plan is blown up and you have to adapt to the reality that is today. You didn't pack an umbrella, but it's raining. Well, go and either get an umbrella or take your motherfucking shirt and put it over your head until you get under some safe haven. That's what life is. So these guys that plan to climb Mount Everest, they didn't even come back to tell us the story. Only people we saw was the motherfuckers who were on top of the mountain and got choppered back down. Risk mitigation is important. And this guy who's watching this episode is someone that understands how to play the safest path forward. But I think, Rich, and maybe you can help me land this analogy, there is something to be said about portfolio management. Once you have your baseline covered and you have enough money put away in a vehicle that is guaranteed to compound, when is the appropriate time for risk? And how does that relate to this guy who has probably played most of his life in 401k mode?

SPEAKER_00: 43:29

Yeah, listen, high risk, high reward at the end of the day. If your baseline portfolio is set to incur, let's say 5% rate of return year over year, like that is a great return, but that is a safe return. That return will never make you rich. The return that does make you rich is the high risk, high reward investments like uh crypto, like Bitcoin, et cetera, et cetera. Those tend to give you the 50 to 100x returns that ultimately uh pays and operates the portfolio itself. So certainly risk management and knowing how to manage that risk is super important.

SPEAKER_01: 44:09

Non-financial advice, but a financial question. I know I'm serious. I'm asking for the guy watching this episode, but also I do think the metaphor in money works. At what point are you okay with your portfolio having a larger amount of risk? At what age and at what point do you have to be in that portfolio?

SPEAKER_00: 44:29

I mean, certainly age matters, right? Like the younger you are, the the higher risk you can take because you have the luxury of time, right? So the younger you are, the more, you know, you have uh think retirement age is 66 years old, right? So if you're someone in their early 20s, you can afford, you know, you have 40 years ahead of you before you retire and have to use up some of that 401k or that IRA that you've been contributing to. And then obviously if you're a little older post-40, post-50, you have only a couple years before you got to tap into that money. So you're a little bit more conservative about how you're contributing into that money and what investments you're adding onto your portfolio. But yeah, it's certainly matters on like at what age you're you're at in life.

SPEAKER_01: 45:13

And in your opinion, how does that relate to what we're talking about here in terms of how much risk can someone take if they played their whole life risk-free up to this point?

SPEAKER_00: 45:21

Yeah, I mean, I think it's a little bit different. I even even if you're someone in your 60s, bro, and you're feeling this feeling of void and emptiness. What we're saying is you should absolutely address whatever is making you feel like there's a void and build upon that so you can feel fulfillment because ultimately that fulfillment is going to equal happiness. That I think that's the the root of what we're trying to get to is that you feeling like you played life in safe mode, and now you're feeling like there's something missing. There's happiness missing in that equation. Sure, you're happy with your life overall, you're happy with the woman you have, your children, your job, your degree, all these things. Life is great. We're not trying to take away from the gratitude that you should have with the life that you've built, but we're saying that every man goes through this emotion of feeling like, damn, that's it. This is what my life has become. And I think that that's a dangerous thing because a man without ambition is like a fraction of a man, bro. You're just a shell of yourself.

SPEAKER_01: 46:38

You know, um, you're gonna love this line because I know it's one that you've told me before. I'd rather die enormous than live dormant. That's how we own it. It's a Jay-Z line from reasonable doubt. And I know you have the Connor McGregor shirt, and I couldn't help but think based on what you just said. Imagine a title fight. Connor McGregor makes his comeback. We know he is a decorated winner. He's won all the belts. He's probably one of the most popular fighters in MMA history, let alone fight history. Let's say Connor McGregor was a metaphor for the guy who wanted to get in the ring, keep everything he has, but doesn't want to go out glorious. He doesn't want more. What we're saying in this episode of the guy who's living the perfect, the quote unquote perfect life trap, is that he's entering the arena and the ring with all these accomplishments behind him. He got in the ring and he didn't throw one more punch. He just kept his hands to his face and just played it safe all the way to the bell rang in his last fight. I promise you that if the character and the persona and the ego and the training that Conor McGregor did to get up to that moment, he wouldn't be able to live with himself after that fight because he knows he didn't do anything to convince himself that he can maybe accomplish more. And I think that is a metaphor via Connor McGregor, via that Jay-Z line, and that's what we're saying here. If you want to live glorious, you're just trying to pursue something that's bigger than you. But living dormant is okay as well. It just means that you're living at the status quo. Your baseline is okay. You chose to play the game in easy mode and you accomplished it. You beat the game. Try playing the game on hard mode. There will be a smaller group of people that have won the game in hard mode, but I bet you when those guys get around each other, they probably enjoy being in each other's company because they all know that they've done something that most people haven't. And there is something that is that lives in most men that are that love the idea of a good challenge and a good accomplishment to wake them up in the morning. So actionable advice would be it's okay to pursue something that's bigger than you. There is something in it, even when you lose, that's exciting.

SPEAKER_00: 49:05

Yeah, I feel like you always have to be in the pursuit of something, bro, even if you don't accomplish it. If you take the analogy of the guy who climbed Mount Everest and got chopper down, like that dude is looking at what's the next mountain, Mount Fuji, or like what's his next climb, because he mastered this incredible feat, right? If you look at somebody like LeBron James, who's had an incredible NBA career, bro, I would be willing to bet that someone like LeBron James is full of anxiety right now, thinking, what am I going to do after retirement? Like, what is life after that, right? Because his whole identity has been tied to being either arguably number one, number two, best NBA basketball player in the entire planet. So now he has to reinvent himself, take on new challenges that are not on the basketball court anymore. So this conversation and this topic is nuanced because not only does it affect the super highly elite, ambitious man, but also the guy who just graduated and got a job and is living uh a life where he checked off all the boxes. Like there's a wide spectrum of men that this issue affects.

SPEAKER_01: 50:18

Yeah, I think that's a great point. I I did want to ask you a question, and I'm sure you have the answer. Rich, have you seen the documentary on the dude that was, I think it's called Solo. He climbs the side of mountains without any harness or anything other than his bare fucking hands. Why do you think men choose a life of extreme sports where they can die? How does that relate to this subject?

SPEAKER_00: 50:45

Yeah, I mean, that's certainly the most extreme example, but I feel like every man is on the pursuit of happiness, whatever that may look like for you. And sometimes that happiness is an extreme sport. Sometimes it's a hobby, sometimes it's building uh a family, sometimes it's raising children. Everyone has their own life purpose and what makes them happy and what makes them feel fulfilled. And I think these guys who do extreme sports or guys who go skydiving and do like all these incredible, extreme things, they're chasing that rush. They're chasing that fulfillment, that happiness that it brings them of doing something incredible.

SPEAKER_01: 51:32

Yeah, Rich, you had in your notes that you sent over before the show, and it was this idea that the person who is listening to this episode and is in search for more feels ungrateful. They kept mentioning, like, my life is perfect. Am I ungrateful? And my response to that is you're not ungrateful. You're just underchallenged. You don't have enough why in your life. You've accomplished what you have accomplished up to this point, and you definitely deserve the gold star and the round of applause, but you're not ungrateful. You're just underchallenged. You want more and you desire more, and there's nothing wrong with that.

SPEAKER_00: 52:09

Yeah, I agree. And, you know, I have a couple more pieces of actionable advice that I could quickly run through. One of the things that you should absolutely do is, you know, audit the routine. Audit what's making your life feel mundane and what's making your life feel like you're on autopilot. And we're not saying to necessarily stop having that routine, right? Or what we're saying is that there's certainly something contributing to the mundanness. There's something making you feel like you're a robot, like you're on autopilot. So try to audit what that thing is, right? It could be that, bro, you drive the same fucking path on the way to work, do some wild shit and and take a scenic route. And it might be longer on the way to work, but just that something as simple as that, bro, just breaks the mundaness of your day-to-day, your week to week, and it makes you feel less of a robot.

SPEAKER_01: 53:07

Yeah. Rich, I love that. And I did want to get to the Uncle Justin is being too serious and mean portion of the show, which is I honestly was debating whether or not I should say this, but I'm gonna say it because it's at the end of the show. And if anybody lasted this long, they probably need this advice. Maybe the career you chose wasn't as challenging as you thought it was gonna be, and you're okay with that. Maybe the woman you decided to marry wasn't as attractive or as compatible as you thought she would be, and you kind of already knew that. Maybe the friends you surround yourself with are not as stimulating and funny as you knew they were going to be, and you already knew that. I believe a lot of people that have these lives that feel like they're not exciting signed up for a lot of shit that they already knew wasn't outside of that comfort zone. It didn't allow them to stretch a little further. So now you're in your late 20s, early 30s, and you're sitting in a home with a woman that you're not that attracted to, you don't find to be that compatible with, you're in a bullshit house in a state that has lower taxes, but you don't know anybody, and you don't even want to live there, and you're working a job that's safe and convenient, but you know you wanted more than that. This is the the more earnest and stern advice of the of the show, but I do believe there is a section dedicated to that guy. He signed up for a very simple life and he got a very simple outcome. And now he feels like he wants more of a challenge. Nothing wrong with that. But be mindful of the stuff that you've locked yourself into. If you own that home, that home is yours until you sell it. If you're in a relationship with a woman you hate or you're not really bonding with, she's yours until you file for a divorce or you figure it out. There's a lot of things that are not reversible. It takes a lot longer to reverse. And if that's you, understand that you have to be a little bit honest with yourself, that you signed up for this.

SPEAKER_00: 55:14

Yeah, listen, at the end of the day, we all have to live with the decisions that we make. And obviously, where you're at in life is a collection of all the decisions that you've made prior that has led you up until this point. And you just have to be truthful with yourself, bro. At the end of the day, you should try to change the things you can change. Some things about your circumstances you can't change. But I think the more helpful advice is just try to change the things that you can change. So if you identify that there is a void in your life, identify that void and try to fulfill that void. And it could be something like adding one hard thing to your life, adding a challenge to your life, or resuming a hobby that you let go years ago. I think the entire premises of the show is just figure out what's making you fill the void that's contributing to either your depression, your anxiety, and is ultimately making you feel stuck and not happy. We're saying pick that hard thing and that change in your life will break that routine that's making you feel stuck.

SPEAKER_01: 56:25

Yeah, I think to summarize what we both just said is to most men that are playing the middle, the only person you're cheating is yourself. You want to have your cake and you want to eat it too. You want to live a life of safety and convenience, but you want to come on these platforms and complain that you feel like you're not achieving enough. If the gratification that comes with complaining and talking about it is enough for you, then job well done. You did it. You you went online, you talked about it, you didn't do anything about it, and now you're back to your life. There is no reward that comes without someone that sacrifices a little bit more. If you played it safe and you got what you got, you deserve that. You deserve everything you got, good or bad, however you want to interpret it. Rich, there was one last thing I wanted to mention that did come from uh one of the forum boards I was reading on, and I need to hear your feedback on it. Long story short, this gentleman said, I'm trying to make the change that I know I have to make in order to feel more fulfilled in my life, but all I keep hearing from people around me is that you're just being immature and you need to grow up. Having a 15-year-old dream at 30 is something that's just immaturity. What do we say to that guy?

SPEAKER_00: 57:35

Stop listening to other people, bro. If you like to tap dance and you've been interested in fucking tap dancing your entire life, and you're a 35-year-old man and you want to try tap dancing, go to a fucking tap dancing class. These things that they expect you to do, or this path that they expect you to be on. And when you deviate from that plan, now you're looked at as immature. Now you're looked at as someone who, you know, is having a midlife crisis per se, right? Bro, kill that noise. Do what the fuck you want to do to make you happy. No one can make you happy but you. So, bro, I'm all for someone wanting to do something a little bit extreme or something a little bit out of the norm for the sake of that thing bringing them happiness.

SPEAKER_01: 58:35

Wow. Rich, we need a moment of silence for that. That was powerful. Honestly, I felt like that was so impactful. What you just said, that even a guy that is feeling a little gay might come out of the closet. He might abandon his whole family and be like, fuck it. I've always loved ballet and I'm and I'm gay. I'm gonna do it. Live your truth. That's what you're saying. Live your truth. Yes, bro. If it's inside of you, if it means something to you, all jokes aside, if it means something to you and it's in your stomach and you can't remove that feeling, you have to act on it. You can't let you can't let your dream be so fucking hollow and light that someone could just talk you out of it in one conversation.

SPEAKER_00: 59:21

Yeah, that's incredible. By the way, the person who's saying that you're immature, they're putting labels on something that you want to do. That's clearly someone who's miserable and not following uh a path of fulfillment and happiness in their own life, so they want to project negativity on something that you want to pursue. Do what the fuck you want, man.

SPEAKER_01: 59:41

You know what's a number one sign of someone's intelligence? Are they happy with the life they're living? Yeah. I think we confuse intelligence for a lot of other things. If that person that is so intelligent and they got their life together had the fucking balls to shit on your dream, you have. To measure their life and ask them, okay, well, you're so you're so smart. Why is your life not together? How do you get to sit on a pedestal and judge what I want, what I'm passionate about, if you don't even have everything you want? The one thing that used to bother me a lot when I was younger was hearing bullshit public school teachers shit on my dreams, knowing damn well that they didn't want to be a motherfucking public school teacher in Hudson County, New Jersey. Like, there's no way that this was your dream. You had to have wanted to be an astronaut, a dancer, an athlete, or something. Here you are shitting on fucking eighth graders for having a vision. Don't let other people kill your dreams. Uh, Rich, I I couldn't have summarized that any better than you did. I don't know if there's anything else you want to add there.

SPEAKER_00: 1:00:44

No, man, that's it. I think that was great. Listen, if you're listening out there, this is not the rest of your life. You're not broken, you're not weak, you're not ungrateful, you're just stuck and you want more out of life, and you feel like there's a void, and you need to fulfill that void in order to bring that happiness that you want back into your life.

SPEAKER_01: 1:01:05

For sure, Rich. And the last thing I'll say before we go to call to action is um define your perfect. This episode is called, quote unquote, the perfect life trap. But I think what our listener has to focus on is what is perfect to you. There's no such thing as perfect, every person has a different definition. So don't follow anyone else's path to perfect. Find and follow your own path to perfect. And yeah, that's that's probably the best advice I feel like I can give anyone that's lasted this long.

SPEAKER_00: 1:01:39

There you have it. The perfect life trap. Follow us on at failures media, subscribe to the YouTube, subscribe right here. We need a button. We need a button like right here. Subscribe right here.

SPEAKER_01: 1:01:54

All right, now we're begging. Please, please subscribe. All right, yeah. Peace.