SPEAKER_01 0:03

You're in a why me phase right now. Why is this happening to me? Why am I so unlucky? Why does misfortune follow me? Listen, you have an X amount of time to sit there with your back on the ground, getting ready to get 10-counted. But at some point you have to pivot to what now? And what now is action? Today we're talking about the feeling of hitting rock bottom. That feeling when you've hit life's lowest point and you're stuck. You feel hopeless. You feel awful. You feel like, man, this is the worst thing that's ever happened to me in my life. And I don't see any way out. What now? Well, just know Rich and I, we've been there before, and it's sad. Trust me, we know I'm 37, Rich is 39, and life humbles you in ways that you can't even predict. And we know it's not easy. That feeling of feeling stuck, you're paralyzed. I used to think rock bottom was the worst thing that could ever happen to me when I knew that my face hit the pavement and there was no way further down than where I was at in that moment. And you know, it turns out the first honest moment comes from when you hit rock bottom. That's usually when you meet with the truth. Something you've been avoiding, or something that you've probably hit felt in your gut, but the truth came to light. And whether it's you lost someone important in your life, someone passed away, or you just had a real life crisis and you hit rock bottom. But I personally find that when you hit rock bottom, it's a great opportunity for you to really understand what happens next. And Rich, I don't know if you've been there before, but I think there's a thin line between rock bottom and an awakening for a major comeback. When you think of today's subject, do any stories come to mind or can you relate with this guy that's in this moment right now?

SPEAKER_00 2:03

Yeah, certainly, man. I I think there's a difference between rock bottom and setbacks. And sometimes we end up confusing the two. And hindsight is 2020, right? Like when you look 10 years after what you felt was rock bottom and you look back on it, you're like, damn, that was more of a setback than actual rock bottom. And certainly that happened to me in my early teens when I at 19 I went through a breakup. I would file for bankruptcy. I lost an apartment with my partner at the time. I had to move back to my mom's house. And the shame that I carried moving back into my mother's house with zero dollars in my bank account and nothing to show for you know myself or any progress. I felt extremely shameful. I felt like, damn, life can't get any lower than this moment. And, you know, now that I reflect on that moment, 10, 15 years later, I'm like, damn, that felt rock bottom at the moment, but it was really a setback. And I really went through all those things for it to teach me something about myself that later on I ended up adopting and changing a lot of different habits that I had that helped me propel myself forward.

SPEAKER_01 3:11

You saying that made me think of uh what we originally wanted to call the show. We had a few names, and life be life and was definitely something that we jokingly threw around because it's a pseudonym for failures, right? Like life is going to life. If you try to hide in like a little vacuum inside of your bedroom and not explore anything, then you can be safe from life when it lifes. Meaning things will happen. You will be met with resistance, you will go through adversity. And I think hitting rock bottom is relative, right? Like you mentioned this in the pre-show meeting, Rich, and I would like you to unpack it a little bit. It's relative because you can only get as low as high as you've gotten. Meaning, if the roller coaster goes five feet high, you can only go five feet on the drop. But sometimes life will throw you a curveball when you're having peak happiness or you've finally hit some milestones in your life, you have some momentum, and out of nowhere, a crisis happens and it undercuts you. And you just hit rock bottom. And I think that is kind of the premise of today's show. And, you know, we did a substantial amount of research just to try to get into the headspace and look through comments and feedback. And what I realized, Rich, this is not a guy that's looking for like a speech or a lecture on how he needs to get up and he needs a three-week blueprint on how to change his life. This guy just wants to feel better about his situation because his new reality today wasn't the reality he was experiencing yesterday. And it's almost like a car accident. He's kind of like dizzy and spinning from what he just found out, whatever the case may be. But it's usually the first step towards a depression or the first step towards suicidal thoughts, as much as we, you know, we don't want to talk about it in this taboo. This is a lot of young men get caught in a funk because they shockingly ended up hitting rock bottom.

SPEAKER_00 5:15

Yeah, listen, rock bottom looks different for everyone, right? It could be financial ruins, it could be you become mentally unstable, it could be that you stopped working on your physique and you got heavier, a breakup, a death. There's so many things and circumstances about everyone's life that can impact them in a way, in a negative way to the point where they feel like they've hit rock bottom. So, you know, it's not just unique to like a financial situation or going bankrupt. Like it could really be anything. But what I would share is that I feel like that moment of feeling rock bottom, feeling like you're at zero and the world is crumbled and the floor has been pulled underneath you. Like, that's just a temporary moment in time. The danger of feeling like you're in rock bottom, and that mentality is the moment you feel like there's no way out, right? Like you feel like that moment will persist forever, and you can't see yourself past this like really bad negative feeling of feeling like the world is crumbling underneath you. Unfortunately, as you stated, bro, that can lead in extreme situations, that can lead to depression, that can ultimately lead to isolation, in extreme cases, suicide. And you know, we're here to remind you guys that you got to peel back those layers of that feeling of that negativity, because on the other side, there is an overachieving situation, like how we stated in the pre-show. We were like, damn, what are some of the people that we look up to in the spotlight that have been able to overcome some really negative, bad circumstances? And we mentioned like Mike Tyson, which famously he went to jail, he had to go through bankruptcy, he lost all his money, and he notoriously came back, created a podcast, resurfaced in the media of an enlightened man. Um, and that's such a great comeback story. Another one's like Tiger Woods cheated on his wife, major injuries throughout his life, came back to win the Masters in 2019, uh ultimate like sports redemption story. Um, or Steve Jobs when he got fired from Apple, right? And everyone thought he was washed up and he was never gonna be the same, only to come back and found Pixar and completely revamp uh the Apple brand. So there's a lot of famous people that have also gone through rock bottom and have been fortunate enough to climb out of that hole, but this is not it, it's not unique to one person. Everyone can feel at any moment in time in their lives that they've hit rock bottom, but there's always a way out, bro.

SPEAKER_01 7:53

Yeah, I I mean when you rattle off that list, I think all of those guys, with exceptions Tiger Woods, just because I don't watch golf, but all of those guys are like personal heroes of mine. I've studied Mike Tyson's life story front to back. You know, I'm a big fan because of the humility and humbleness that he has now, because he's fallen from the highest highs. The man is on record, documented as the world's scariest fighter of all time, someone that is the equivalent of a god, a Roman god in modern-day gladiator sport, which is boxing. You can't find any combat sports athlete that is not gonna bow to the feet of Mike Tyson. But when you hear him speak now, there's like this yogi, like this yogi from Brooklyn, New York, but a yogi that is inside of him. And I think the humility and humbleness that cut that came from his fall from grace. And it's what I said earlier, Rich. You can only fall as high as you allow yourself to go. So rock bottom is relative, like you said earlier. And I personally have had to manage the ego that I have as a young man who tried to get out of the life circumstance that I was born in. And you know, you gotta have an ego if you want more. You have to believe that you deserve more to get more. But life has whooped my ass so many times that it's humbled me in a way that my pavement my face has smashed against a pavement only from going so high to coming back down and like they say, falling from grace. And Rich, I have a a crazy story that I thought of the minute you sent over the show topic today, and I started doing research, and I was thinking to myself, like, damn, 80% of suicides in the United States come from men between the ages of 21 to 35. Why is that? Why is that? And that's because the burden of expectations that young men put on themselves, mixed with the burden of expectations that society puts on them, almost makes them feel like you know what, rather than fighting from rock bottom, I'm just gonna delete myself. And it's crazy to say that, but I almost can see how this can be the first step in that direction of many dark thoughts that start with hitting rock bottom. And my personal story, if I would have never pivoted out of it the way I did, I do feel empathy for this person. I do feel like I can see why someone would think so little of themselves when they've hit their lowest low in life and they're still very young. But to put a more positive spin on it, Rich, we we discussed it and we should unpack it a little bit is hey man, if you're under 30 years old, even if you're in your early 30s, you have so much more life to live. And anybody who tries is probably gonna fail. So just understand that this too shall pass. This wound will heal, this broken bone will heal. You just gotta keep keeping on. And and and rock bottom sounds like a quippy phrase, but it is a tough spot for a lot of young men who don't think they're ever gonna get out of it. It's a very, very dark hole.

SPEAKER_00 11:21

Yeah, listen, I think rock bottom is such a severe, aggressive phrase. I would reframe it and say you're going through a setback, whether that be a minor setback or a major setback, right? But you can't go out into the world, especially as a man, right? If we're speaking to our audience of young men, 18 through 35, you can't expect to live and go out in the world and not expect resistance from the world, not expect to go through setbacks or go through negative circumstances or or get pushed down and have to get back up. Like, I think part of what makes young men feel like they're going through rock bottom is the notion that they don't know how to go through failure. They don't know how to deal with adversity. So everything feels uh extreme and severe and does feel like rock bottom because they don't know how to cope with the idea of failing at something, getting knocked down, and then getting back up.

SPEAKER_01 12:19

Yeah, we've said this on many episodes, but it's worth saying again: truth is the king and reality is the boss. And I think a lot of the pain comes from when you're living with 2020 vision, you're living in that clarity of truth. That fuck, this is my life. This is where I'm at currently. A lot of coping goes into a lot of numbing, a lot of um cheap dopamine goes into avoiding the fact of what is your current reality. And we don't want to push a young guy that's in a very delicate headspace into the wrong direction, but we're just trying to identify the pain. The pain comes from the clarity. You're living in a reality, you're living in your truth. That's why it feels like rock bottom. But Rich, I think the reframe is crucial. And it's really a good point you brought up. It's a setback. If you're gonna live beyond the age of 28, just believe that this is probably the lowest you're ever gonna be in your life, whether it's your bank account, whether someone passed away, whether a friend of yours that did you dirty and and you didn't see it coming, whether you were blindsided in an accident and now your car is totaled and you just bought it. Listen, I can't live the years after this day for you, but I can tell you with confidence, if you keep keeping on and you keep pushing forward, you're gonna look back at this moment and grin a little bit and think, damn, I remember, I remember that feeling of feeling like shit. But when I look back, I've developed some character. I learned a lot about myself, and I will never go through that situation again. And I think, Rich, this is a nice little segue to the story that I shared off air with you. And I was a little worried about sharing it on air, but it's worth sharing it with our community because I too have been in this position. And I gotta be honest, I think a lot of the paranoia and the crazy work ethic that I have comes from the feeling and the memory of sitting in the pit of fucking hell that I was in when I had one of the greatest setbacks in my life, which some would have interpreted as rock bottom. Rich, I had just graduated college. I was the first of maybe two people in my family, and I have a big ass Puerto Rican family that have ever graduated college, let alone went to college. My whole family came out. We were doing our radio show that we, the media company that we wound up parlaying into other opportunities in our life. And I was able to land the job at complex media. It was my first real big boy job. And I was happier than a pig in fucking mud, bro. I was just, I couldn't believe that I was taking the bus to work every day, going to New York, looking up at the big buildings, like, damn, I'm really out here. I'm really doing this thing. I'm I'm contributing to music and content and culture. Bro, I was living in a dream world. And about two years into that job, post-graduation, me truly living the truth, my truth. I'm like, damn, I'm finally here. I've arrived. I don't have to keep telling people I'm brilliant. They know it now. And I had so much of my identity wrapped in that job that there was massive layoffs. The company did a restructure and I was a part of the layoffs. And I could feel my ego, my identity, my pride, my money, everything just got washed out in one sit-down meeting. And it happened so quickly because the company went through a restructure, but I had no idea that I was gonna be a part of it because I was low level. I was an administrative assistant. And it it fucked me up, Rich. I was in a very dark place, and I had just moved in with two of my closest friends in an apartment, a beautiful like luxury apartment in um Crown Heights, Brooklyn. And I remember getting home before my two roommates the day I got laid off with all the paperwork they gave me. And bro, I cried by myself in the apartment for a cool like four or five minutes, bro. I was just weeping, thinking, damn, what am I gonna do now? I don't want to go back home. I don't want to have to tuck my tail between my legs and live with my mom and my steppops again. Like, I popped my shit. I have a whole social media feed of me living my fabricated lifestyle, showing everybody from back home that I'm lit. And it was such a bad place for me, Rich. I I I still remember it as I tell the story. And I went for a long run that day. I I went to the Brooklyn Museum. There's a beautiful park in that area, and I went for like a run for like two hours, and I was too embarrassed to tell my roommates when they got back. So I didn't tell anyone for like a whole month. Not one person in my family knew that I got laid off for 30 days. And I was just fighting that whole time to try to figure it out. And, you know, I do want to unpack how I rebound later, but I I know the feeling, Rich. It's a terrible feeling. And to this day, whenever I could feel my life trending in the wrong direction, I'm reminded, hey, this is why you put the seatbelt on. You never know. You never know. You can fly through that windshield, stay prepared, stay ready. And, you know, the feeling of hitting rock bottom is it's blood that I can still taste in my mouth every now and then. I can't lie.

SPEAKER_00 17:34

Damn. I'm I'm glad you shared that story, bro. It just goes to show like how fragile life could be and how one negative circumstance can fucking make you feel like your whole life is ruined.

SPEAKER_01 17:46

And think about my identity. My whole identity was wrapped in something I had no control over. Yeah. That's what also made me feel like shit.

SPEAKER_00 17:53

But you you know what the common denominator of of all these things are is that whatever negative circumstances you go through in life results in pain. Everything goes back to pain. You feel pain, you feel that pit in your stomach. And what we're saying is, man, you have to solve for that pain. You have to address that pain, you have to figure out how to reduce it. Maybe if you can't eliminate the pain, but sort of like reduce it to this minuscule thing that doesn't affect you from progressing from that moment and moving forward. We we had a talk um earlier before we got on air about like the Robin Williams story, and we were just dumbfounded because this amazing actor, part of Americana, right? Like, he made he was brilliant. He made some of the best movies we've ever seen. Uh, happy uh uh family, wealth, celebrity, fame. From the outside looking in, it appeared that he had it all. But deep down inside, he was suffering, he was depressed, he could not solve for the pain that he was feeling, and ultimately, and unfortunately, decided to end the pain by ending his life. And that will forever be an example of how someone who appears to have it all can still be crumbling inside. And that's the entire genesis of this episode is just helping you understand that the pain that you're feeling today is normal, but it's not forever. You know, and you know, that there's ways to solve for that pain.

SPEAKER_01 19:30

Bro, Aladdin, he's the genie in Aladdin, Miss Doubtfire, classics. Um, Night at the Museum, Goodwill Hunting, Jumanji, Hook. You wouldn't believe a guy with that much God-given ability to make people smile and laugh. And he's truly an entertainer's entertainer, bro. He might be a little too old for our like community, but when you get a chance, just look up Robin Williams stand-up or Robin Williams behind the scene. He truly seemed like a guy that was always happy. And he too took his life because he wasn't happy. One has to assume that he was dealing with more than he led people to believe.

SPEAKER_00 20:12

Yeah, I mean, well, he was definitely a national treasure. And you know, it makes you wonder, right? Like, did anybody check in on him? Like, I highly support you checking in on the homies too, because sometimes, like you said, you might see a friend who loses his job and you don't really see him react. Or you're just like, yo, man, are you okay? Like, and they're just going about their day, like everything is normal. But inside, bro, they're they're deteriorating and they're hurting, and there's a lot of pain that goes through this negative experience that they're currently going through. So if we're sharing a little bit of actionable advice, I highly encourage to check in on the homies, check in on your parents, your friends, your brothers, relatives, cousins, anybody who is currently going through something, and you know they have to be feeling some type of pain, even if they're not showing it, check in on them because it's highly probable that they're feeling some pain inside.

SPEAKER_01 21:07

Yeah. I mean, you know, at that particular moment, I was probably 25, 26. I did graduate college a little later than the average college graduate. So, you know, when I was young, I was a dreamer. I definitely came from a lower income area. So I spent a lot of my time imagining a world that I could live in that wasn't necessarily in front of me every day. And one thing I can say to someone that is at rock bottom and is just metaphorically laying in a pool of their own blood, or their face hit the pavement and you feel like there's no way up or no way out, or you see no light in your future, I would say the one thing that really saved me was I I just kept feeding the faith that this too shall pass. I kept feeding that faith because all I really had was that like, man, if I just keep putting one foot. foot in front of the other with very good intentions and I build good habits. Maybe I can get back on track. But me getting fucking sideswiped and thrown off the track, I didn't expect that. So it took a cool 30 days even for me to recalibrate and to start feeding the faith and starving the doubt. I would push the doubt out. Anytime that I would have dark thoughts and I would start feeling more negative, that's I told you this is where the doubt monster came from. I would be trying to get my life back together and the doubt would cripple me because it would remind me, hey, you come from the hood. You you come from parents that didn't even graduate high school. You don't deserve any of this. Why do you think you're more special? And that doubt would fucking cripple me and I would get so angry because I would think damn I only have two months of rent money left before I have to tell my roommates I have to move out because I don't have any more money. Man, that shit was embarrassing. But I just kept I kept starving the doubt and feeding the faith and by feeding the faith I mean thinking more positively even though you're in a fucked up spot. You're in a dark dark hole. You could barely see the light looking up but you know I just took action bro just took action. Every day I would get to it I I started taking care of my body because my body started helping my brain think more positively. If you know anything about me anybody who's ever lived with me or has known me I get up insanely early every day. That came from that time in my life I was like fuck it I'm going to get up every day at 5 a.m and I'm going to try to get ahead of the day so at least I'm being productive. So if life throws me a curveball again at least I'm prepared for it. And I've gone through setbacks since then Rich but I don't look at them as rock bottom. I I I used your word there's going to be setbacks. That's a guarantee for any man who tries that man will fail. Yeah. There will be ass whoopings the name of our platform is failures. So expect some setbacks but don't let them define you and definitely don't let them make you feel like you hit rock bottom for sure.

SPEAKER_00 24:00

Yeah absolutely listen taking that action is you reclaiming control over your life because I feel like when you're living in that self-made hell that pain that you're marinating in and you don't take action bro that's when you start having the negative thoughts that's when your mind starts to eat itself from the outside in and just you constantly tell yourself like damn we're broke damn we're not fit or damn we lost our job how could we possibly get another one like you start to feel you start to get into these like negative mental loops of negative thoughts negative words and and not do you know not telling yourself affirmations think that can modify your your thinking into a way of like damn I need to this is not me talking right this is me versus me but this is a negative thought feeding more negative thoughts into myself reclaiming that control is super important. So taking that action is you reclaiming that control over your life and saying I'm not going to marinate in this pain that can spiral into like more negativity for me.

SPEAKER_01 25:04

Yeah I'm glad you put it that way because all I kept thinking about when you were unpacking that was you're in a car, you're driving you start slipping on ice you start skidding unexpected. You didn't know that was going to happen. There is something about you letting go of the steering wheel that's allowing you to naturally find your positioning but at some point when you start recalibrating and you have clarity of what the fuck just happened you have to gain control of your life again. You should be able to grab that steering wheel with two hands firmly and gain control of the car that is your life. The whole entire car is your life you're living in your own life. So whatever was the reason why whether it's ice or uh you know an animal in the middle of the road that caused you to sideswipe, you have to gain control of your life and one thing that I pulled in our research which I think is very relevant to what we're talking about here is that people talk about the domino effect of being in a funk and I just want to read this keystone habits research show that one anchor behavior leads to other negative or positive anchored behaviors. So if you're going through a major life crisis there's this cascade effect that leads into immediate depression and not feeling well about yourself. And then it seeps into your diet and then that affects your sleep and then that affects your mood and then your mood affects your relationships with other people and those people that can usually nurture you and help you and help build you back up or maybe give you a job opportunity or introduce you to a new girl or take you out if someone passed away and just fill your time all these things they have a domino effect. So it goes from sleep to diet to mood and then next thing you know your productivity's down you're not going to the gym and it it's this really infectious loop that you kind of get stuck in. And I'm telling you it took me 30 days to get out of it Rich. I was in a dark place for 30 days straight. I literally was in denial I would get up and make believe I was going to work I would get dressed so my roommates didn't know I got fired and I would leave and then I would come right back home. Yeah. Man that feeling I would never forget it but it was a bad loop I was in a bad loop.

SPEAKER_00 27:22

Yeah listen it it takes time to get out of this situation. And unfortunately in that 30 day window where that wound and that pain is fresh that is your identity for those 30 days right and you're probably not pleasant to be around because you're just doom and gloom you're negative you're not happy you're living in that self-made hell that you've built for yourself and you have to find a way to break out of that negative headspace that you're in because there is another day there will be another tomorrow there are things that you can do to get yourself out of that headspace. Like through I've gone through so many like negative circumstances in my life and all I've constantly told myself over and over again is just like bro there's going to be better days. There's going to be better days. I'm 37 years old and I still have bad weeks I still have bad days. Sometimes I do feel like damn this is the worst day of my life like you know over exaggerating. I think we all naturally tell ourselves negative things when things aren't going our way which is a bit extreme. But bro that's just reality and getting resistance from the world and dealing with setbacks and understanding that things are not always going to go your way things are not always going to feel good and cushy and pleasant like life is very roller coaster bro and a lot of times we allow situations and circumstances to dictate our emotions and we just feel like we're all over the place we're happy we're sad we're upset we're angry we're back to happy again all within the span of a 24 hour day you know what I'm saying so you have to be you have to be a little bit fluid and flow with the circumstances and setback that life gives you and not just overreact and say, you know, this is rock bottom oh my God things are not going my way I feel terrible it's going to be like this forever. Yeah. A bit of a tangent but I just I I'm putting myself in the headspace of like someone going through a lot of different emotions and and deal with those emotions right like you're going to have to face that resistance from the world and adjust accordingly.

SPEAKER_01 29:26

It's fucked up I wouldn't want other young men to share this headspace that I'm perpetually in but just to share more about Justin the person because I come from a living situation when I was young and my brain was still very plastic and I was absorbing the reality that I was in I was surrounded with a decent amount of violence and fuck shit that happened in my community and my household that kind of made me a more defensive and rigid person as a young man, like as a kid. So I I have this like central feeling in my stomach all the time when things are going well that something is inevitably going to go wrong. I just always feel like when when I have five positive things happen, I'm always anticipating life throwing a hook at me and just knocking me the fuck out. And I don't want people to live in that headspace but I will say the benefit it's not a good mental space to be in all the time but the benefit is and I think this does fall into actionable advice rich is that you should always put away a good amount of money you should always put away a good amount of like good faith with people that you love and you care about you should definitely just put yourself in a position that if life throws you a curveball and you have a crisis moment that you can sustain that and get through it. You know finances is the first thing that comes to mind because it's tangible you could see it in your bank account you keep three months four months of life expenses in a high yield savings if something crazy happens at least you can cover it for four months to get back on track. But I would say even mentally you have to prepare for these things because everything feels pointless until it's not meaning to the gym may feel pointless until you have a major life incident that affects your health. Visiting your mom or visiting family people that love you and care about you when you're going through a more positive time in your life may feel pointless until you go through a life crisis and that karma comes back to you and these people are there for you when you're having a low point. So you know I I don't I don't know the best way to say it but like everything feels pointless until it's not you should keep cashing in on things that can help you in the future if you ever have a crisis early and get ahead of it man. Get ahead of a lot of these things because life will life and things will happen and inevitably you're going to go through a circumstance where you're going to wish that you have no some nest egg or some some positive karma out there that's going to help you if you ever went through a life crisis.

SPEAKER_00 31:59

Yeah for sure. And listen in going through these setbacks which you're inevitably going to face you have to reframe your thinking in a way where you're trying to solve for that situation versus you saying to yourself well why me? Oh I'm down on my luck. Why me? That why me bro is so dehabilitating to your progression as a man because you start to feel like you're the victim of every negative circumstance that you face in life. And the what now is such a cool like reframing because you're like oh life punched me in the face cool what now how do I punch back like you have to get aggressive about this shit. Life will fucking destroy you if you do not fight back. Always try to fight back because if you get punched and you stay down bro that's part of like the victim mode that you start to enter and then you get in this negative headspace that you can't see a way out of so I know it's a little bit aggressive bro but I feel like when you're dealing with life bro as a young man life will test you. There's a lot of things about being a man where you will be tested and it's not always physical could be mental could be financial death breakups. There's a lot of different things that a man goes through where you are being tested in life and if it's just this pushover that you know wants to stay in a quiet corner in your room and cry it out because life just punched you in the face it's not the right way bro you gotta you gotta find a way within you to get back up and fight back because life is hard bro especially for young men out there.

SPEAKER_01 33:38

Yeah Rich I I think you jumped into the second part of our show which we discussed we were going to be a little bit more strong and earnest and try to pick up this young man or at least speak to him in a way that addresses his reality. And I know we've been accused in earlier content of being a little too unkish and not being sensitive and empathetic enough. And we didn't do the first half of the show for for performance we did it to try and really understand and meet that person halfway that has hit play on this episode looking for some spark or some type of feeling of feeling seen and heard but there is a sector of the internet and I've always known about it but I was able to find the actual category from doing our pre-show research and it's called rock bottom content and it's exploitative content that really speaks to young men that have hit rock bottom and are in the worst and lowest points of their lives. They feel hopeless and it's almost like this parasitical community of people that create content that is non-actionable and it's self-indulgent you get what I'm saying it's like all these quotes and montage videos of people that are are accomplished but they're giving bad advice saying that hey when the world is against you it's fine stay in that dark place you can get out of there you don't need nobody the world is against you you don't need nobody the world is against you you don't need nobody it's bad it's bad for the headspace that you're in because it's allowing you to numb the reality it's allowing you to avoid the truth so I think what you just said Rich is so important. Yes we are sensitive to what someone a young man is going to at this point in his life but at some point you're gonna need to shower shave put some clothes on and you have to address the world and the world is not going anywhere. And if you don't address your problems the world and your problems are not going anywhere. So we're not telling you what to do we're not telling you you're a bad person for having an unexpected crisis. We're saying at some point you got to get up and address the world and a lot of that is on you. No one is going to save you out of your situation especially if you're suffering in silence. And for the 30 days that I got laid off or 30 days after I got laid off rich I was suffering in silence. I didn't speak to not one person. And I could have used someone speaking to me that cared about me and what would have been helpful is what you said earlier. Hey man this is a setback you're gonna be fine. You're 27 years old you're gonna be fine life will go on. Just keep moving forward one step in front of the other it's a lot easier to look at your feet moving forward than it is to look at the top of a mountain because every time you look at the top of the mountain you start getting spooked out. You're like fuck that's a high mountain I'm in a I'm at I'm at a low point but stop looking at the top of the mountain just look at your feet and just keep moving forward. That's the best and most practical advice I can give without being an asshole.

SPEAKER_00 36:56

No listen I think that's great advice. And in that same vein as you were talking it just reminded me of like how important a supportive inner circle is when you're in this moment of like feeling like you're in rock bottom there's two types of people out there in the world there's people that will indulge in whatever you're feeling or there's people that will motivate you and be like bro get out of that funk you're in come on let's go hiking come on let's go play a sport come on let's go watch a movie and help you and assist you and guide you out of that negative headspace. You know, unfortunately for to use this as an example but if you're someone with a drug addiction right if you continue to hang out with the people who you do drugs with they're only going to reaffirm whatever feelings you have about doing drugs and they're gonna encourage you to take more drugs with them right and you never get out of that negative headspace versus going to family or friends that are not drug users, don't have an addiction but want you to get clean want you to do better want you to go to rehab bro those that support system is obviously much more positive in trying to get you where you need to be so auditing your inner circle bro and and just finding the right environment for you to get you out of this setback I think it's extremely critical.

SPEAKER_01 38:11

Rich I want to throw a scenario out there which you know is partially fictional but I did pull it from a reddit thread so I don't want to say anybody's situation out there but I want to propose this to you because I do know you have younger relatives in your life and I do know you have a son that is how old is he again?

SPEAKER_00 38:26

My son he's about to be 14.

SPEAKER_01 38:27

14. So I mean he's not at this age but I have a scenario I want to put in front of you. So you have a 25 year old man still living with his parents just graduated I mean recently graduated college lost his job to uh lay off maybe some AI situation where his low level experience is being replaced by automation he started a solo business is not doing too well and he is on his phone scrolling through Instagram watching his friends his younger friends graduate college go to graduate school get jobs live happy lives and every night he's numbing his pain uh he smokes he's obviously doom scrolling you know he's living in his family's house he's dealing with a lot of tension between him and his mom him and his dad they want him to go out and do better for himself that feels like a very normal low point for a young man in 2026. What's the first thing that come to mind when I give you that scenario because I think a lot of young men are probably going through that right now.

SPEAKER_00 39:28

Yeah listen I mean there's certainly a lack of motivation there's things that are occurring there's pain there's clearly pain that you're not addressing and this is why you're numbing yourself and this is what's contributing to you not being motivated to want to do anything. So smoking weed to continue to numb your pain doom scrolling to numb your pain everything you just read off is that person is doing everything they need to do to numb that pain. So like I said before I would solve for that pain what what is it about what you're going through and what you're feeling that has you dehabilitated and numb to the point where you don't want to go out and get a job you don't want to go out and motivate yourself to to do something that's gonna benefit you in the long run. Bro excuses are endless and you could make you know you could feel pain and have an excuse for every time you feel pain to the end of time but not addressing that pain bro will never get you to the next level of where you need to be in life.

SPEAKER_01 40:24

Yeah and you got to create a game plan. You have to create a game plan. Once you're done being the the wounded animal with the open wound and once you're done licking your wounds and and and really basking in the sadness that is your reality which by the way you're entitled to that once you get over yourself and you realize that nothing's gonna change if nothing changes you have to start putting together a game plan. I don't know what the game plan is it's unique to you but it starts with rule zero no one's coming to save you so once you get past rule zero you get into phase one. Phase one is finding stability you need a solid foundation like you said Rich find a good circle of people that either you aspire to be like or you go to for advice that's not bad advice or advice that doesn't make you feel like shit. Find one or two people that can really sit with you and talk through these problems. Because we've discussed this on many other episodes that are gateways to young men doing extreme things like taking their lives and a lot of the problems come from ruminating yeah just sitting alone and the brain is a very powerful tool and it's designed for survival. So your mind can run in infinite circles of darkness and the and it just gets even darker when you're living in solitude you're suffering in silence your mind is playing tricks on you and yeah you went through a fucked up situation but it's not going to improve if you allow your brain and sitting and sulking be the way you try to find a solution. So the best counterpivot is to get a piece of paper get a pen get a laptop just start writing out a game plan for how you're gonna get out of this funk and actually sit with someone and if you can't physically find a friend or a mentor that's what communities like this are for Rich.

SPEAKER_00 42:24

And we are not the most established we don't have millions of followers yet but there are subcommunities that are about being pro action not sitting around complaining and talking and just like commiserating it's like action based intentionality you have to go and start moving in the right direction because if not you can sit in hell forever if you allow yourself to yeah listen and the inverse is true you can start to think about having positive thoughts words of affirmation tell yourself nah watch this I'm gonna get out of this funk I'm gonna get out of this setback uh tell yourself nah I'm smarter than this like just tell yourself really positive things to help you take that action to get out of that rock bottom feeling and we've say this often just but if if we're helping this young man want to take some action and giving him a little bit of motivation we'll we say this often the end goal is ultimately to find a woman and ultimately procreate maybe have some children but you know be in a a happy loving relationship and if you're living in this self-made hell that you've built for yourself I'm telling you bro once you hit the dating scene in this negative headspace women detect this immediately and it's like a reflector they don't gravitate to men who are sad boys who are depressed who are lonely who are clearly isolated you're giving off this negative energy that she can immediately detect when she's out on a date with you and it's just very off putting for a woman so if we're giving a little bit of motivation to this young guy who feels Down and out and it's hit rock bottom. It's like, my boy, if you're single and you want to find a woman, you got to get out of this headspace. Cause I'm telling you, she's not going to mesh well with you when you're going out to the world and everything is depressing, negative, and you're not pleasant to be around.

SPEAKER_01 44:16

Yeah, listen, straight up, when you just said that, it made me laugh. Cause I'm not even thinking when I was fucked up and I just got fired and I had no money, and I could see the little bit of savings I had just being poured into rent and basic needs. It was like I was drowning at the deepest part of the ocean. A girl or a girlfriend or a liability that is a girl that you're pursuing when you're going through a major life crisis is the equivalent of a man who's drowning and he's thinking about, damn, should I wear a Rolex? Should I buy a new chain? No, you're drowning. Just focus on getting the fuck out of the deepest end of the water and living. Do not distract yourself with shit that's not important. Not right now, at least. Get yourself out of a situation where you feel like you're dying. Get to some solid land where you can put both your feet on the ground and then you start working on that other shit that's vanity and luxuries. There's no room for luxuries when you're in a negative headspace. You just got to get out of that headspace first. Rich, I don't know where I got this from, but I did I did share this on my Twitter, and I think it's very relevant to this conversation. In life, you get what you settle for. The satisfaction and happiness of your life shrinks or expands in proportion to the level of your courage. For what you love, one must fight for. And I don't know, that right there felt very poetic because the satisfaction and the happiness of your life shrinks and expands in proportion to your level of courage. Meaning, if you think very little of yourself and your own potential, you can only go as far as how confident you feel about yourself and what you're able to achieve. So the satisfaction and happiness of your life is shrinks and expands depending on your level of courage. How courageous are you is defined 10 times out of 10 when your back is on the canvas and the guy is counting over you six, seven, eight, nine. Do you get back up and keep fighting? That is courage. Or do you just stay down? Fuck it. Count to 10. I'm knocked out. This is what I am. I'm not a champion. I don't have courage. And this is not like empty calories motivation. This is what life is made of. You know, like Rich, you've told the bankruptcy story so many times, and I think it's worth highlighting again for someone that might have discovered the platform today. How you rebound is how you define yourself. Rich now knows that a financial setback can't destroy him because he has proof that it didn't destroy him. You got up. You got up, you had a level of courage that went well beyond whatever you thought you were capable of.

SPEAKER_00 47:12

Yeah, absolutely. And listen, one of the worst days of my life was being 19, having to move back to my parents' house and being like, I tried at life and I failed, and living with that shame. And one of the best days of my life was 20 years later when I closed on my house at 31 years old. Hell yeah. So, like, bro, there is opportunity in moving forward, right? Like, there is a redemption story that happens in anyone's life who doesn't quit and continues to be courageous to try things and to want to move forward. But you have to have the willingness in you to say, my current setback and circumstances is my current reality, but it's not that reality forever. I can overcome this, I can move forward, I can achieve things that no one else in my family has ever achieved before. If you're just a little bit more courageous and understand, like you have to be sort of a visionary, bro. Like you have to understand that opportunity exists, right? And the ability to want more is what's going to propel you to go and chase more at the end of the day. But you have to have that vision to be able to see more for yourself than your current circumstances.

SPEAKER_01 48:25

Yeah. Rich, you mentioned something earlier that made me think about uh a frame that I think our community should know. I was thinking about recently, I went through some crazy shit, some personal shit with my girl, and I think I blamed her for how the event turned out. But it took two weekends alone for me to realize, oh no, I think it was me. Yeah, I'm pretty sure it was me. And the phrase that I remember telling myself was why me. I went from the framing of why me, why is this happening to me? And once I picked up the phone and called her and tried to figure out our relationship, and I got out of the headspace of why me, I went into an action headspace of what now. Yeah. So I would say the man that feels like he's in hell and he's in a pool of blood, his face hit the pavement and he sees no way out. He's at the proverbial ground zero rock bottom. You're in a why me phase right now. Why is this happening to me? Why am I so unlucky? Why does misfortune follow me? Listen, you have an X amount of time to sit there when you're back on the ground, getting ready to get 10 counted. But at some point you have to pivot to what now. And what now is action? I don't know what your what now is because it's everything is so sensitive to the situation, but what now is rooted in action. So go from why me to what now, but make sure you do it quick because you don't want suffering and pain and agony to define you. Because I think that's happening to a lot of young men under the age of 32. They're starting to define themselves through their pain because you have all these outlets for content that really do a good job at helping you cope and see yourself as this person. And you get in this perpetual loop, this infinite loop of feeling like the victim. And that pain becomes, it becomes you. And that's not what you want to get stuck in. So try to move from why me to what now. That what now is gonna lead you in a better direction. Listen, Rich and I got a lot of content on this platform that could help you go from what now to a million dollars, but you could you just gotta get out of the rut because the why me shit is not gonna help you long term.

SPEAKER_00 50:46

Yeah, listen, and at the same time, you know, in a weird way, these unfortunate circumstances and setbacks do shape who you are in the long run, right? So it's a great point.

SPEAKER_01 50:56

You start to find you're in a very crucial time in your development, you're right.

SPEAKER_00 51:00

Yeah, and and this this is an opportunity for you to understand how feeling low feels, how dealing with pain and adversity feels. And I promise you, bro, if you take setbacks as a teachable moment, all those teachable moments are gonna compound. And when you do reach that top of the mountain, when you do get that high-paying job, when you do close on that house and you reach, you do get married, like and you reach that highest level of like a blissful feeling of accomplishment, like that is a compounding of all the learnings and teachings from all the setbacks that you went through in life to ultimately having that feeling of euphoria and feeling triumphant. But if you didn't go through those setbacks, bro, you'll never be celebrating being on top of that mountain.

SPEAKER_01 51:50

What is the phrase, right? Minor setbacks, major comebacks. You know, like everybody you named, Steve Jobs. I mean, truly a one-of-one human. And we don't have to talk about him too much, but I'm talking about a whole life filled with setbacks. Bro, started a company from scratch with his co-founder, Steve Wozniak, built it to the empire that it was, and then got clipped because he was too arrogant, and he and the and the board didn't know how to deal with him. He got extracted from the company he built himself, went off on a side quest, built next computers, built Pixar, Pixar on his side quest, and then he came back and sold Pixar to Disney and sold the next operating system to Apple, the people that fired him, and then he wound up getting rid of the whole board that got rid of him 10 years later and became the CEO again to release the iPod, the iPod Nano, the iPhone, the iPad, the fucking MacBook Pro. This dude went on a the the Apple Watch, he went on a a lifetime run after arguably some of the saddest things that could happen to someone after being on the highest of highs. He was taken out of the company that he started and left to the side of the road. And bro, spun the block. It took him 10 years to come back and get his redemption off. I'm petty. I like a good redemption story, but that's not the part that you should focus on. The part you should focus on, and Rich, I mean, I would love to hear your feedback is like, imagine the feeling of being kicked out of the company that you started by people that basically threw you over the board. He could have just sat there and rested on his laurels. He started he created Apple. Why would he need to get back up? He found his identity through his setback and he made it his purpose. He made it his central purpose.

SPEAKER_00 53:53

Yeah, man. Listen, uh a broken man is not a dead man. It's just somebody with a lot of scars and a lot of wisdom. And you can carry that wisdom into your life to, you know, have more success and more opportunities and more triumphant moments. But like you said earlier, Just, if you if you marinate in this pain of feeling like you're in rock bottom and you're in this negative headspace and you feel like you're dealing with setbacks and you don't see what a redemption story could look like or what your redemption story could look like, um, it's very hard to see how to put one foot in front of the other and move forward.

SPEAKER_01 54:32

Rich, I have a uh I love doing this every time with you without giving you a heads up because I think it brings the best reactions out of you. Um we have steel man arguments, some that I pulled up. Uh I guess see you squaring up already. Taking a deep breath. For people that don't know, the steel man argument is typically Rich and I doing some research in this community and just kind of seeing what other young men are using as a legitimate like defense to the common themes. Yeah, they're just like, hey, but you don't understand. This is the reason why I'm in this headspace. So we like to get into this portion because Steel Man allows us to open up our brains to think, oh, okay, this is this is what they're thinking when they're listening to this episode. So one of the Steel Man arguments is, yeah, but you wouldn't understand the way my life has been going since I've been young. I come from a very unfortunate family. And it's really hard for me to take one step forward because every time I take one step forward, life pushes me two steps back. I'm always operating from ground zero. I'm always operating in this space where life is not fair, and I don't have the advantages other people have. That's why I'm experiencing these setbacks. This is why I'm living in rock bottom. And I could relate to that. I actually feel like when I read that, oh yeah, I get it. I I remember feeling that when I was younger. But I don't know. I feel like, like you said, that's a headspace.

SPEAKER_00 56:03

Bro, let me tell you something. This is very personal, but I'm gonna say it on this platform. I had an aunt that died in a plane crash. I don't see my mom get cheated on multiple times. Witnessed it myself. I grew up without a father. I've had some of the worst circumstances an individual can possibly have. And I never let it dictate who I was as an individual. Had I let those moments define me, bro, I would have never come out on the other side to feel like I've made something of myself and I lived a fruitful life, right? Inevitably, life is going to punch you in the face and you're going to have to deal with some hard things. Life is not easy. You're going to deal with hard things. It's how you navigate around those hard things that defines you and ultimately propels you to move forward. But we all go through it, bro. That's what I was sharing to this young man. We all go through it.

SPEAKER_01 56:58

The response to that, which he actually someone did write a very long message to this young man. And he was like, Well, you don't understand. I'm always one slip away from my life being back to square one. I live at rock bottom.

SPEAKER_00 57:13

Yeah, that person's making rock bottom their identity. And that's what that's the genesis of this entire episode. And that's what we're telling these young men is don't make rock bottom your identity. Because if you live in that negative headspace of I'm always feel like I'm in rock bottom, then you're never gonna be able to climb out of it. And unfortunately, that results in some extreme cases with you um wanting to end your life, which is very unfortunate.

SPEAKER_01 57:37

Rich, this is a real moment, and I know we gotta wrap up soon, but we discussed this. We had a few commenters on our content that I don't know how found our content and decided to write a seven to ten paragraph essay on why they want to defend against the point that we were making. And it hit me, and we discussed it, and I do want to discuss it because I think this young man is suffering from the same problem. How the fuck do you find this content if you're not looking for it? And why would you write a seven-paragraph essay about something you're at peace with? Do you just constantly look through content that defines your pain and you try to like justify it in every comment section? Because I'll be honest with you, I am in a happy relationship with a beautiful woman. It's gonna be hard for me to explain to my girl why I have condoms in my gym bag. Meaning, why did you go to the store, buy condoms, put them in your gym bag if you weren't looking for anything to do with these condoms? Yeah, meaning, why the fuck are you in Suffering in Silence YouTube channel on a video that has 500 views fighting people about being happy that you're alone? How did you find this content? Something about your search or your quest prior led you to this content. You're not low, you're in denial. That's what this feels like. How did this young man end up on a rock bottom Reddit thread with 10,000 comments and he's in there peppering a whole bunch of comments about how his life is a little bit different and uniquely unfair than the other 9,000 people who have commented? You're looking for this content. You obviously have a problem. It's hard for me to really sit there and with a straight face and be like, nah, bro, brought up a good point. He found himself on a 500 view video. Bro, that means he's at the bottom of self-help videos. Like, if you found a 500 view video, that's insane. And you're in there arguing with people. I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 59:40

I just think, yeah, I mean, listen, certainly everybody's recovery looks different. Obviously, this person is conflicted, right? Like they're obviously looking for help, but they're also tying themselves to the pain and the identity that they're feeling at the moment. So they're they're in this weird place of 50-50 where like half of you wants to recover and wants to find solutions, and the other half is just commiserating in your self-made pain that you're dealing with. And then you go out and you try to defend your the 50% of you who feel some type of way with the content that's actually going to help you bring you over to that 100%. So you listen, I don't shame the person, but to go against things that are going to help you recover is not doing you any justice.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:27

Listen, I am a recovering New York Jets football fan. The more I rooted for the Jets as a kid, by the way, Jets have never won a Super Bowl in my lifetime. They haven't even sniffed the playoffs. This is a very garbage franchise. But because my family's identity is rooted in the New York Jets and the New York Knicks, I wore the jerseys and I have to go out into the world and say, hey, this is what I am. I'm a Jets fan. This is my tribe. I'm a Knicks fan. This is my tribe. These are two of the most losing teams in sports history. But because I've already identified with this tribe, I find myself defending them in a way that doesn't make sense when I communicate out loud. But I already have sunk costs. I've developed an affinity to this tribe. So I can't be honest about wanting to leave this tribe because I've already invested so much time and energy into defending them and being a part of them. This is what happens on the internet. You create these weird little communities of people that start identifying themselves in the points that they're trying to make. It's like, dude, bro, the more you shout, the heavier the chains become. Stop shouting this POV when you know deep down in your gut your life is not improving. Just let it go, man. It's okay. It's okay. You don't have to go on forums and be like a solo entrepreneur man, 101. And then you're like, man, this is why I'm all about being alone. It's like, bro, if you're so good being alone, why the fuck are you in a chat with all these people? Yeah. Go be alone. You get what I'm saying? It's like the sunk cost fallacy is real, bro. You start getting too invested in this identity you crave for yourself. And you know, you've said this before, Rich. You being miserable and alone doesn't really affect anybody else. Because at the end of the day, you have to live your life that way. So, you know, it's like I feel some sadness for the person that is trying to wear the armor and the badges of someone that is like, yeah, I'm the solo guy. This is what I do. And then you go on the internet and justify your very lonely existence. I hope this doesn't come off as an attack. We're just trying to peel the onion back on a cope of being the guy that really is proud to be the New York Jets fan, even though your team sucks and you're arguing with people about how good they are. It's okay, man. You're lonely and and you need to figure it out. And that's how you ended up on this video. That's how you ended up on this forum board. That's how you ended up in this community. You want tribe, but you're finding it in a weird way.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:11

Yeah, listen, this this episode is not for this person. It's certainly for the one who acknowledges that they're feeling rock bottom and you know does feel like they want to take some action and not make rock bottom their identity ultimately.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:25

Yeah. If this episode resonated with you and we we shared anything helpful, you know, Rich and I are not advertising anything, we're not selling anything. So if it hit with you, the best thing you do to help us is share it with a friend and just keep the conversation going, man. That's what we're here for. We're here to help.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:40

Yes, sir. And uh do us a favor, man. If you like the content, subscribe to the YouTube at Failures Media. And uh hit us up, man. Anytime we're available for anyone. Even if you want to argue about one of our points, let's do it. Failures Podcast. We out.