SPEAKER_01 0:02

A controlled man versus a dangerous man is a man who carries a sword, but he keeps it in his sword holster. He doesn't have to take it out to intimidate anybody. But just know that he's been training. That man has been training. And if you grab your motherfucking sword, I'm gonna grab mine. And we can duel. And it's the confidence that I grab mine with. That most people are pussy. They see you have confidence. I don't want to create a scene, but I can. Now that is real fucking power. Now that is a dangerous man. Failures podcast. Today we're talking about becoming a dangerous man. And more importantly, what does it even mean to be a dangerous man? Let's talk about the word danger. It's a negative word. There's no other way to say it. But in our community, the community that Rich and I are in, where other guys are trying to help out young men, it seems like the hottest buzzword right now. Dangerous. Every podcaster, every mail platform is using it. But what does it actually mean? I'll be honest with you. It means something totally different to me and Rich, given where we come from. And the phrasing of stay dangerous popularized by YG and Nipsey Hustle, two guys from the West Coast. So when we hear the word a dangerous man, I think Rich and I have a different relationship with it, and we're gonna unpack it today. But what's the opposite of dangerous? I think that's where you have to start if you really want to define the young man listening to this episode. What is the opposite of dangerous? In my opinion, the opposite of dangerous is a controlled man, a defenseless man, a man who sits in the pastor seat of his very own life. The man who has adopted hope as a life strategy, not will. He doesn't will his life, he hopes his life. He has no savings, he has no walkaway power, he has no standards in life. And the worst part, he's being convinced that he's doing the right thing. He's being convinced that this is loyalty. Staying in a relationship where you're being disrespected, that's loyalty. Staying in a job where you hate the job and your boss is violating you, that's patience. That's grinding. That makes you a controlled man. And that's the trap. Rich, I do want to get into some content that inspired this episode. But off top, I have to ask you when you think of a dangerous man versus a controlled man, what comes to mind? And I know that you related to this subject and this topic. You know, what comes to mind when you think of a controlled and a dangerous man?

SPEAKER_02 2:39

Yeah, man. Listen, a dangerous man is a man who's prepared, prepared for anything, obstacles, trials and tribulation, prepared to fight, prepared to defend himself, prepared to stand his ground and not be disrespected, and just carry yourself in a way that is you showing up for yourself, right? It's it's sort of like the defense mechanism that you put up as a man against the rest of the world. Um, and a controlled man is just the guy who shape shifts in order to be liked, always going with the flow. People end up choosing things for him, and there's a big difference between those two, and that's what we're here to unpack today.

SPEAKER_01 3:19

Yeah, I mean, you use a good word, and I'm glad that we didn't even discuss this, but we already agreed on it. You use the word self, and I think that is a big linchpin in this whole conversation. It's the relationship you have with yourself. A dangerous man is a man that is conforming to the world. Hope is his strategy because he doesn't know anything else other than to hope things go well. And the ground zero of this episode is self. How do you see yourself? When you look in the mirror, do you see a man that is worthy of getting respect from the world? Do you see yourself as someone that needs to agree to get along? Are you someone that is easily controlled by your mother, easily controlled by your teachers, easily controlled by society? That's what this topic is about. Dangerous is living in the mirror of controllable. And a controlled man is certainly someone that has no control of his life. So it makes you prey, someone that people can hunt down, and you're constantly living your life on the run, head on a swivel, always looking around your back because you're that animal that's constantly being hunted down. But there is something to be said about a man who's in control and he has a good relationship with himself. His self-esteem is the credit that he has with himself based on what he's done in his life to this moment. And the best way to be dangerous, the best way to be confident, the best way to show up in the world with your chin up, chest high, shoulders back is to be a man that has accountability, someone that actually has developed the resume that allows them to have that good self-esteem, that good relationship with themselves. So I'm glad you used self because I could find in a lot of the research and notes that there was a lot of deflection going on in this subject of being a dangerous man.

SPEAKER_02 5:16

Listen, I 100% agree with you. And, you know, I don't think that the word dangerous should be tied with you being angry or you being, you know, aggressive towards people. And that's what dangerous means. I think in the context that we're using it in, it means to stay prepared, stay ten toes down, have control over your life, right? Be able to make decisions for yourself. And I have a quick story, Just that I want to jump into because I feel like this story was like a pivotal moment in my life where I showed up for myself and I chose myself in this very moment. So a couple of jobs ago, I felt like I was underpaid. I went to my manager. I said, hey, listen, this is sort of the range that they're paying for someone in my expertise and in my field next uh raise period. I'm looking to be in this range. So please have that in consideration. He's like, Oh, yeah, no, I agree. I actually think you're worth more than that. I'm gonna push for this raise for you. Come raise time. I get my numbers. We're about 30, 40k off of where I thought I should be. He's like, hey, Rich, I tried everything, but unfortunately, this is the best I could do. I said, no problem. I go out in the job market. 30 days after that conversation, I got a job offer that I accepted. Wow. So I present him with my termination letter 30 days later after that conversation, and he said, Damn, I kind of saw this coming. He's like, but before you make any decisions, let me bring you to the chief operating officer to see what we could do. Wow. So a week later, I show up at this meeting with the chief operating officer, pulls his chair back, and he says, All right, Rich, looks like you're planning to leave. What do you want? Money, title, bonus? Wow. We're ready to give you an offer for you to stay. What is it gonna take? Bro, you know what I told this man? I said, Unfortunately, I've made my decision and there's nothing that you could do for me in this moment to make me stay. Bro, that dude looked at me like I was fucking crazy. My boss turned to me and he was like, What are you doing? Like, this is your opportunity to get the number that you were seeking. And in my mind, I just felt like I'm choosing me in this moment because I already told you guys what I wanted to get paid prior, which means you weren't ready to value me then. But now that I'm leaving, you're ready to value me now. And in that moment, I had to choose myself, bro. I had to really understand that I am capable and I am worth this amount. And I need to show this man that you're not gonna dangle the carrot of a raise in my face to make me want to stay.

SPEAKER_01 7:59

Yeah. And how did you feel after that, Rich? When you when you left that meeting on the on the way home or on the ride home?

SPEAKER_02 8:06

Bro, I felt so liberated, bro. I felt so in control. I had control over that situation now. It wasn't the other way around. Before, I didn't have any control over how much money they were willing to give me. When I said no to the raise, now I was in control. Bro, I went back and told my coworkers this story, and they were like, bro, you're fucking crazy. They were like, but at the same respect, you're fucking gangster, bro. We would have taken the money. Yeah, to this day, bro, they always bring that story up like, damn, you remember when Rich rejected the COO for a raise? And it's just, it's funny how it's like become a tale amongst my friends that there was one guy that was willing to stand up to the suits in the room and stand up for himself.

SPEAKER_01 8:56

But I'm willing to bet after that moment, you became more familiar with a different version of yourself. Someone that was willing to go through a little bit of friction, someone that was willing to create a boundary and say, you know what? Fuck that. This is my boundary. A dangerous man is a man who can walk away. A dangerous man is a man with options. A dangerous man is a man that has prepared for this moment of discomfort because he knows where every exit door is at. And if this doesn't go the way he wants it to go, it's fine because a dangerous man has lined up his life in a way that he doesn't need the only option that's presented to him. And I love that story you shared, Rich, because it showed the first step in your young life that was in the direction of, you know what? That was uncomfortable, but it taught me a lot about the potential of who I can be, not who I am. And I'm sure after that moment, even your friends, family, girlfriend, they looked at you different. But most importantly, like we said, you looked at yourself different after that moment.

SPEAKER_02 10:00

Yeah. And that moment only came by proxy of me being prepared. So in that moment, I had a savings in case anything went wrong, right? I had the next job lined up with a papered offer already signed, lined up. So to your point, I had options. So when I went in there to submit my termination letter, it was with the intention that, hey, by the way, I have options, right? So no matter what other choices you give me or you put on the table, I get to choose. I am in control of the situation and I'm in control of where I take my career next. But that only came by proxy of being prepared.

SPEAKER_01 10:37

Rich, when you really think about it, everything comes down to walkaway power. Friends, when you're young, if your friends are fucking with you and they're teasing you and they're not treating you like a good friend, if you got other friends, I don't gotta hang out with y'all. I got walkaway power. I have options. A woman is treating you like shit after a year of being a decent human. She just did a complete 180, violating you, disrespecting you, talking down to you. If you maintained a haircut, a decent physique, and you have some charisma and pride about yourself, you have walkway power. You have options. And in your situation, an employer doesn't want to meet you halfway on a demand that you have based on the qualifications that you know you have. A man that's dangerous can walk away and be like, you know what? It was good doing business with you guys, but I'm a motherfucking mercenary. I go where they pay me to kill people, and you guys are not paying enough. So I'm gonna go down the block and work for your competitor. Why? Because you're a dangerous man. You have options. You're not a product of someone that got to sit and take whatever the fuck the world is given to you. You have walk away power. And that right there, Rich, is a little secret that most people wouldn't want younger men to hear because it's sounds negative, but it actually is one of the kernels to something that could change your whole life. And that's why to me this episode is so important.

SPEAKER_02 12:07

Yeah, just listen, to me, bro, this is how you obtain your freedom. You can't possibly be a controlled man and believe that you have freedom. You don't, because you're being controlled by your boss, you're being controlled by your woman, controlled by your friends, controlled by your circumstances, controlled by your parents. Everyone around you is making decisions for you. That's not freedom, bro. Freedom is you being a man that is dangerous, that can make his own decisions, that has options, that is prepared for adversity or anything that life might throw his way. That is a dangerous man.

SPEAKER_01 12:49

Yeah, I read this in the show notes, and I forget where the quote came from, but a man who's prepared for any and everything is a man that is in control of his life. He's a man that is happening to the world. A man that's on his back foot, always in a crouching position, always in a fetal position. He's playing defense. He is constantly scared of what could happen because he doesn't have an exit strategy. That is a man who's letting the world happen to him. So you have two options as a grown man in this world. Either you happen to the world, or the world will happen to you. You decide. And what we're saying is a dangerous man, he's going out there and pushing his willpower onto the world and getting what he thinks he deserves, or at least fighting for the scraps. But what he's not doing is just sitting around hiding in a cave, scared of his own fucking shadow. That is not a man who's in control of his life. And I'm gonna be honest, that's not a man who's living. Life is just happening to him, low-key.

SPEAKER_02 13:52

Just I had a friend, bro. Quick story. I had a friend who always came to me with girl problems, right? He was with this girl for seven years. Every time he came to me, he always came to me with problems about her attitude, how she treated his mom, and just how she was showing up in the relationship. And I told him, and I said, bro, that woman does not respect you or your family. Like, you need to remove yourself from this situation. You know what he told me? He said, Rich, I can't. I'm afraid to be alone. I don't want to lose her. Wow. And in my mind, I'm like, bro, you have no control over your life. She is your control.

SPEAKER_01 14:29

Stay right there. The I'm afraid to be alone. Yeah. What did he tell you in that moment? It's almost like a poker game, right? Like you get five cards, you hide your cards, or dominoes. You get your dominoes, you hide your dominoes. But the minute you say something like that, what do you think the interpretation was? Because I feel like he revealed three of his cards right there.

SPEAKER_02 14:49

He said, I'm afraid to lose her because I don't want to be alone. So in that moment, the only thing I could think of was, damn, this man has insecurities about himself that he believes that he can't find another woman in the open market for whatever reason. Right? So when you live with that fear and the lack of self-confidence that you can go out there and that there are options for you, you're going to live in that reservedness of like, man, I don't want to lose her because I don't know if I can find another partner.

SPEAKER_01 15:24

Yeah. I mean, every relationship is about leverage. And this is not like toxic dating advice. This is business advice. This is life advice. If I go to the carnival with my girlfriend and they are serving empanadas in this one cart, and I walk up to that stand, and those motherfuckers are selling empanadas for$12 for one punk ass beef empanada. And I look over to the cart right next to it, and they're selling the same thing for$4. The leverage is in my ability to walk away and be like, get the fuck out of here. Kick rocks. I'm not paying no$12 for an empanada, not in this lifetime. I'm going to this other cart and I'm going to get it for a less price. That is leverage. Everything in life is about leverage. But the leverage comes in the gap between the$4 and the$12. What is the math on that?$8? That$8 is the difference between you acting tough with the dude selling the empanadas for$12. But if he's the only cart in the desert and you're fucking starving and you haven't eaten in two days, guess who's paying the$12? You. Because you got no leverage. He's the only cart in town. And that's what the whole episode is about. It's giving yourself optionality. Do you have optionality in your life? And I'll be honest to the young man watching this, me and Rich have definitely been there before. So we feel you. But optionality comes from not going to the bunker and looking for scarce resources like food and tissue paper after the attack happens. You got to be in that bunker when things are going well and it's sunny and 80 degrees outside, and you got to be stocking some toilet paper, stocking some food, because in the good days is when you prepare for the bad days. And the only way you create leverage in life is when things are going well. That's when you start stacking up for a rainy day. And that's what a dangerous man does. He's prepared. He's prepared for anything because anything will happen. I think what most people heard, Nipsey say and YG say stay dangerous, they looked at it as like street dudes being aggressive, street dudes promoting violence. But I don't think that's what me and you heard, Rich. And I'm curious to know what your thoughts were on that. Because what I heard was don't get played, don't fold under pressure, don't let the world happen to you. You got to go out there and happen to the world. At that time, police was killing young black men. That was the swan song to young black men. Hey, keep your eyes open, see what's going around, stay woke, stay dangerous. I felt that message when that message came out because what was the phrase that we used to use on the East Coast, Rich? It's just peace, peace, right? Peace. Yeah, it was love. Everything was in harmony. But when you heard stay dangerous, how did you react to that?

SPEAKER_02 18:20

Man, keep your head on a swivel, bro. Just stay looking left, stay looking right, front, back, make sure you have all your uh T's dotted and I's crossed because you never know what could be coming your way. Yeah. And bro, I I love that you mentioned leverage, right? Because I think that's sort of one of the anchors about being a man that's dangerous, is just you have leverage in every situation that you're operating in in life, right? Whether that be job, girlfriend, relationships, friendships. That word to me is so important, bro, because that's how I operate. I make sure that in any situation, in any relationship, I have some type of leverage that I can exercise, you know what I mean? So I don't get the short end of the stick in any scenario. And, you know, that reminds me of something that we spoke about on the pre-show where we were like, damn, this also ties into like chosen risk versus unchosen risk, right? So chosen risk is like you being comfortable with starting over, right? You speaking the truth, you betting on yourself, like you making decisions for yourself that benefit you. And then unchosen risk is just the byproduct of things happening to you that you have no control over, like you getting laid off, your girlfriend breaking up with you, uh, your car breaking down, like all these unforeseen circumstances. That's a bar. That's a bar that happened to you, right? So I think, yeah, I think we should break that down, just because I think that's a byproduct of like being a man that's dangerous versus being a man that's controlled.

SPEAKER_01 19:58

Chosen risk versus unchosen risk was one of the biggest unlocks and cheat codes that I ever learned in my life. And I learned that maybe five years ago, six years ago. I'm 39. I probably learned that when I was 34, 35. Chosen risk versus unchosen risk is investing your money into something that in five years can come back with 10 times compound interest. Unchosen risk is you sitting back and letting life happen to you. Chosen risk is taking the money you made after you pay all your bills and investing it into a property, investing it into an ETF, investing it into a business, something that can pay you back 10 to 20 to 50 times in 10 years. That's chosen risk. Chosen risk is exposing your body to very heavy weights and going to the gym and risking injury in order to make your body more resilient, more strong. Chosen risk is putting some money up to learn a skill so you can be better at your craft, so you can be more advanced in your profession. You're learning AI, you're learning how to communicate with these new tools. That's chosen risk. Unchosen risk is just walking into the forest where there's lions everywhere, and you're a motherfucking lunchable for any lion, and you're just out there walking willy-nilly, you're just out there wild. That is chosen risk. That is a very nuanced point, Rich. I'm so happy you brought that up. And a man that can take the path of chosen risk is going to fail a lot. But every now and then he'll hit that 10x button, he'll hit that 50x button, he'll hit that 100x button. And if you invested in NVIDIA 10 years ago and you put some money up, that wasn't a risk. It was just extra money that you invested. And now you're sitting on 50 grand. That's someone that is in control of his life, that is taking chosen risks in life. That is a dangerous man. That is a man that could go from being a regular everyday dude to a dude that's sitting on a hundred thousand, and now you can either run. It back with another uh episode of Chosen Risk, or you could just spend your money the way you want to spend it. That is a crazy unlock. And I feel like a lot of people that come from where we come from, they don't understand that the difference between chosen risk and unchosen risk.

SPEAKER_02 22:15

Yeah, I agree, man. And listen, I think a lot of times what happens with these young guys is, you know, you start to live a life of comfort, right? And in that life of comfort, you're basically living life on the passenger seat of the car, right? And someone else, family, friends, girlfriend, boss, manager, whoever, is in the driver's seat driving you everywhere. I feel like being controlled comes by proxy of just being comfortable. What we're saying is you need to get out of the passenger side and get in the driver's side and drive this vehicle of life for yourself, right? If you think of the Jordan Peterson quote that we were um discussing before the show, just where he was like part of being a dangerous man is being a complete fucking animal, a savage, a lion, a destroyer, a warrior, right? Be the most extreme version of yourself that you can possibly be, and then learn how to control it. Operate under controlled anger, right? It's not bad to be angry, but control that anger, right? And unleash it when it needs to be unleashed. So I think that's sort of the difference that we also want to unpack.

SPEAKER_01 23:35

Yeah, bro. In life, you can be a chihuahua. Just barking, fucking acting crazy. If I go to somebody's house and you got a dog that's this big and it's barking at me, not one ounce in my body hits the fear radar. Like I'm just like, get this little fucking rat away from me. But if you got a motherfucking doubleman pincher or you got a pit bull, and that motherfucker is lightly snarling. He's not barking, he just hits you with a little growl. Instantly you're like, oh, that's a dangerous motherfucking animal right there. Let me tread lightly. Now the pit bull, he don't gotta do too much. For you to know I'm dangerous. And he's capable of being dangerous. That is what Jordan Peterson was saying. He was saying a harmless man is not a good man. A good man is a very dangerous man who has the violence under voluntary control. That is a pit bull resting his fucking big ass head on his paws, laying down, and when you walk into someone's house, he just kind of looks up and growls at you, and you're like, oh shit. Very different than a chihuahua barking his face off. But we both know it's not dangerous. That is a fucking easy op. You're just like, bro, I would punt this dog if it got close to me. That is what Jordan Peterson was saying. That's the light metaphor for a controlled man versus a dangerous man, is a man who carries a sword, but he keeps it in his sword holster. He doesn't have to take it out to intimidate anybody. But just know that he's been training. That man has been training. And if you grab your motherfucking sword, I'm gonna grab mine. And we could duel. And it's the confidence that I grab mine with that most people are pussy. Once you buck back and they can see that you have confidence in what you don't want to do, don't let that go over your head. They see you have confidence in what you don't want to do. I don't want to create a scene, but I can. Now that is real fucking power. Now that is a dangerous man. Rich, I do want to play the Jordan Peterson clip because I feel like it'll unlock a whole train of thought, if you don't mind. Yeah, let's run it. Yeah. So we have Method Man talking about dudes from the East Coast who used to say, peace, yo, peace, when you would leave somebody. And later in life, well, Rich and I, we're a little older, the younger era, YG and Nipsey, they would say stay dangerous. And because we're from the East Coast, we would always be like, What the fuck does that mean? So here's Meth a man talking about stay dangerous and what it meant to him as someone that used to always say peace.

SPEAKER_00 26:13

We had a saying where, you know, we would be like, peace, be safe. But then we heard Nipsey say stay dangerous. And I never understood it for a minute, right? But then when I finally understood it, it hit me like a ton of bricks. Stay dangerous. Because when you are, you're aware. And if you're part of the danger, you can see the danger around you as well. But when we're taken out of our element and we have to assimilate into this society, we have to stay dangerous. Because if we're not, we're gonna get caught unaware and then we're just opponent. Being you carry yourself like a king, you will be.

SPEAKER_01 26:46

Rich, when you hear that, what comes to mind?

SPEAKER_02 26:49

First of all, that shit got me wanting to run a fucking 5k right now or like go hit the MMA gym or something.

SPEAKER_01 26:57

Why is that though? Why is that? What is it about what he said that gets you going?

SPEAKER_02 27:01

Bro, because I hundred percent agree. And you know what this just unlocked for me, Jess? And I feel like we should definitely unpack this. That I think being dangerous is extremely valuable. And part of the confusion that these young guys might have is that when you go on the internet, right, on social media, you have two extremes. You have the alpha male manosphere masculinity content on YouTube, right? Just telling guys to stay dangerous, right? But I feel like that's a little bit extreme too, because it also gets into this weird, toxic male, euphoric type of theme with these young guys. And then you have the other side of social media and the internet that come from the women who say, Oh, that's a toxic guy. Oh, that guy's too aggressive, oh, he has an ego, oh he uh he has little man syndrome, right? They're just like making fun of guys who want to be a little bit more alpha, a little bit more prepared. There's a lot of different signals as a young man that you receive and you're trying to decipher, like, damn, what is right? Like, do I stay dangerous? Do I do I stay a little bit passive? Like, what is the middle ground for these young men to find who their inner self is in this crazy world of like different information?

SPEAKER_01 28:25

Yeah, listen, I I love what you're saying, and I think the more textbook translation of Stay Dangerous, for all my um non-hood or raised in the hood folks listening to this, the textbook translation of Stay Dangerous is be formidable. Google it. Be formidable. Being formidable is someone that is not without defense. You're someone that can defend yourself in the world. Rich, you have a teenage son or soon-to-be teenage son. You want a formidable man in your house. You don't want someone that he's just a rock at the shore getting beat up with every wave and he has no control over anything. A formidable man is just a dangerous man. It's the same thing. We just use different language, different lingo. What Method Man was saying in that clip was absolutely 100% correct given the circumstances that we come from. He was speaking after the Black Lives Matter movement. And that's where that phrase really came from. There was civil unrest and people with power were abusing it. What other terminology would fit better than stay dangerous? We're not saying be dangerous. We're not saying go out there and be fucking crazy and hurt people and harm people. But a lion walks with a very calm trot when it's in the jungle, just looking around. But you know that lion is prepared to be dangerous if you try and harm its little cubs. If you try to harm his girl, if you try to take his food, he's prepared to be dangerous. He's staying dangerous, he's not acting dangerous.

SPEAKER_02 30:06

Yeah, no, that's a great distinction. Bro, think about like all these famous people. I think of like a Shaquille O'Neal, right? 7-2, like massive human, right? One of the kindest souls that you will ever meet in person. But if push came to shove and this man needed to put you out, he could do that. He has the size to do that, right? Or even MMA fighters, right? So one of my favorite fighters is Justin Gagey, right? Every MMA fighter says this about him. He's like, bro, outside of the octagon, he is the sweetest human being you will ever meet.

SPEAKER_01 30:41

That makes it even scarier.

SPEAKER_02 30:42

Yes, but inside the octagon, there's a switch that flips, and he's an absolute savage. He is not himself. And the power comes from being able to have that switch. You can only have that switch if you stay dangerous.

SPEAKER_01 30:58

Right? Absolutely. Rich, in that Method Man clip, I pulled this comment that was clarifying someone that was arguing about what stay dangerous meant. I mean, I have the comment here and I want to read it and I want to get your response. He said to someone that was criticizing the Stay Dangerous movement. And he said, no, Nipsey wasn't saying stay dangerous because he wanted people to cause harm. Nipsey was the representation of someone that was personifying inner city excellence, someone that came from circumstances that were not ideal. And he was constantly, him and his brother were constantly on their front foot, taking what the world was giving them and building on top of it. They were staying dangerous because they were creating optionality in a world where they didn't have any options other than to do illegal stuff or stay under the poverty line if you're not going to do illegal stuff. Nipsey didn't just work in the building, he owned the building. Nipsey wasn't pushing other people's brands. He owned his own brand. He owned his own IP. His marathon store was valued at X amount of millions of dollars when he unfortunately passed away. He wasn't dangerous because of where he came from. He was dangerous because of what he constructed. He was dangerous because of what he had the power to build. Stay dangerous wasn't a threat. It was a standard, a refusal to need anyone badly enough to compromise yourself for them. That's the version of our audience that has never been handed. It it you know it's a blueprint. Nipsey Hustle is a blueprint for how you should be living your life on the offensive. You're playing offense, you're constantly pushing the ball down the court. You're building for your future, for your kids' futures, for your kids' kids, kids' futures. That's what Nipsey Hustle and YG meant when they said stay dangerous. Not whatever the fuck the interpretation is that I don't know about.

SPEAKER_02 32:59

Yeah, no, I agree with you. And you know, just not to be doom and gloom, but I do feel like as a young man, the world tries to take advantage of you if you allow it to. Right? In a job situation, you will get paid the least amount of money for said job if you if you accept that amount, right? In a relationship, a woman will take advantage of you if you keep buying her purses every month.

SPEAKER_01 33:31

I see it every day. You're right.

SPEAKER_02 33:33

Your parents will continue asking you for favors over and over again if you don't stand up for yourself and set boundaries. So I just think every facet of life, bro, is constantly going to test you as a man. And part of staying dangerous is being able to show up for yourself, make decisions for yourself, set those boundaries with said individuals, and really just own up to your own identity and how you show up in the world.

SPEAKER_01 34:04

Rich, I like that you said standards and boundaries because there's some real simple ideas that I live by. And I want our listeners to know this because I have something I call the non-negotiable stack. I got some bullshit from my family for a clip that we posted about me saying that I don't take my family to the airport or I don't wait at airports. That is part of my non-negotiable stack. I, my right hand of God, I am living proof. My nephew, who was basically a young man that I helped raise with my brother. He's my everything. He's one of my favorite people on the planet. He just left my house, Rich. And you know what I was able to do? Put him in a fucking Waymo so he can find his way to his flight back home. I don't do airports. It's just part of my non-negotiable stack. And the non-negotiable stack is rules, boundaries, code, things that you live by. I try to wake up every day at 6 a.m., even if I went to bed late, because it's a part of my own non-negotiable stack. There are things that I've negotiated with myself that I will not break for anyone unless the circumstances were extreme. And you know what comes with a non-negotiable stack, Rich? It creates this idea of who you are to yourself. And that's why it's easy. That's why I want our listeners to know standards are crucial. Boundaries are crucial. A non-negotiable stack is crucial because once you have that clean list in front of you, you know when people ask you to do things or when people try to force you or trick you or cohorse you into doing shit you don't want to do, you can go right into your little checklist of non-negotiables and go, hey, with all due respect, I just don't do those things. And it creates this self-esteem that lives inside of you. And you slowly become the man in the mirror that you want to be. You've always wanted to be. That's why I love that story you said, Rich, about your promotion opportunity that they played you on. And then you went out and got a new employer opportunity, and then you went back to them and said, You could suck my dick. I'm leaving, basically. And they were like, No, no, no, wait, we have more for you. It's too late. I have non-negotiables. And being treated like a second-rate citizen at a company that's not even that great is a non-negotiable for me. I'm gonna go to the open market and test my value. That's because you had boundaries. You had a non-negotiable stack. And credit to you for building that so young.

SPEAKER_02 36:39

Yeah, bro. And listen, when this dude pulled his chair back and he said, What do you want? Money, title, bonus, like almost like a dawn.

SPEAKER_01 36:49

Yeah, and you said, I want you to SMD, suck my dick. I'm out of here.

SPEAKER_02 36:55

Yeah, bro. I felt like in that moment, it was a way for them to try to control me and keep me held down. And I was like, nah, bro, I'm going to the open market and I'm gonna test out my skills. And I'm gonna see if I am who I say I am, and see if the time that I've taken to prepare myself for this moment is enough in the open market. And that was a situation where I choose, chose me in that moment. And you know what I think it'll be will be helpful? Just like just some pointers about like how to stay dangerous or where to even begin. And I think it goes back to for me, I I could kick it off. It's just being prepared. Prior to that moment, bro, I studied my ass off and got the top two certifications that I could possibly get in my field to show a new a new employer that, hey, there's value here, there's there's basic knowledge here of said subject, right? Just at creating more value in my resume so that it's more appealing to other employers, like all these things that I took the time to carefully craft paid dividends once I went to the open market to try to get a new job. But it only came by proxy of me studying hard and obtaining these certifications.

SPEAKER_01 38:15

Rich, I was hoping you would ask at some point, what so what's the actionable advice for staying dangerous? Because you know this is something we bond over. I am pro playing offense, not defense, especially where we come from. So, what is the best actionable advice for a young man that's listening to this and he's thinking, okay, I'm in. I don't want to be a controlled man, I want to be a dangerous man. How do I play offense in my life? It's a very simple rule that me and Rich follow, and we're basically breaking it down on this episode. It's the four S's standards, skills, savings, and self-knowledge. That's it. If you can master those four standards, skills, savings, and self-knowledge, if you can master those four, you are in control of your life. And it's not gonna happen quick, it's gonna happen over time. This is like throwing nickels into the piggy bank, not quarters, not dollars, not$20 bills. This shit takes time. But if you can build those four over time, you can see how quickly you can go from someone that's constantly leaning back, letting the world happen to you. People are speaking to you on ways that you want to buck back, but you can't because you need this job. You want to say something to your mom who's always teasing you with her work friends about the fact that you haven't moved out or you don't have a girlfriend, you want to defend yourself, but you're defenseless. You're a controlled man, you're not a dangerous man. But if you work on your skills, your savings, your standards, and your self-knowledge, if you have some agency over your life, like you always say, Rich, if you learn to learn, if you could do those four things little by little, day over day, week over week, month over month, I promise you, in two years, you will be someone that people have to respect. Not because you're being mean, but because you have options. Not because you're being an asshole and you want to be like mean to everyone. You have choices if you work on these four things.

SPEAKER_02 40:19

Yeah, 100% agree with you. And just you know what was such a cheat code for me? And I feel like you would probably agree with this, but like when I started, I used to be skinny, puny, like 100 pounds soaking wet. And when I made the conscious decision, I think it was 25 or 26 to join the gym and like bulk up and work on my physical physique. I saw this like shift in the world where people started to view me different. And friends and co-workers started to give me a little bit of respect. And I would see like other men just like hold the door for me, right? And you know, I would see co-workers like just treating me friendly or my boss being like, oh man, like you're getting big. Like it's so weird how when you work on your physical physique and you just look like uh a fit person, someone who's disciplined, someone who's going after something and chasing a goal, how the world bends their perception of you. And that to me, bro, was such a huge G code. And it's part of why I continue going to the gym to this day.

SPEAKER_01 41:23

I believe this, Rich. And you're right, I do agree with you. And I believe this very much. Your self-esteem is the relationship you have with yourself. It's the truest and most honest and most rawest relationship you have with yourself. The reason why I say that is because you know deep down inside when you cheat on your diet, when you cheat on your girlfriend, when you play 12 hours of video games when you should have been working on that business that you had put together, that business plan you put together. When you're not going to the gym and you're fucking around, you're hitting the vape, chilling, you're smoking, you're doing everything but the things you know you gotta do. What happens there? This is a deep belief of mine, is in your subconscious, you start seeing yourself as the person that you know you are. So when people shit on you or when people disrespect you, you kind of already have that relationship with yourself. So you accept it. It's a subconscious thing. I have no science to prove this, but I believe the opposite is true as well. When you start saving money, when you start prioritizing your health, when you start prioritizing not doing bullshit things that are fucking up your brain and keeping you distracted or keeping you high, you start building a positive self-esteem, a positive self-trust. And you start thinking to yourself, like, damn, I am showing up to the world. I am worthy of respect. I know it sounds hokey and fucking like some bullshit self-development book, but it's true because you're voting every day with yourself. I'm the guy that I want to become, and I'm slowly becoming him. And what happens is I think you give that energy out to the world, and people naturally start reacting to it because you have good self-esteem. You don't lie to yourself, you don't cheat yourself, you don't treat yourself like shit. And people can feel that off of you. And a lot of that comes in the point of negotiation where you got to say, nah, I'm good. I don't want to do that. And people can feel that. Oh shit, this guy's not easily manipulated. Why? Because you have your own life and you have great self-esteem, you have a great relationship with yourself. That's where that comes from, Rich. I truly believe that. Here's a fun fact that I wanted to share from our notes. Pew Research says that 63% of American men can't cover a$600 emergency. This research was done last year. When I say that, Rich, 63% of men can't cover a$500 emergency. That means that. If my girl is in a car with me and I did something that triggered her and she's angry, she's yelling at me, she's changing the radio stations, she's fucking telling me red light, green light, you're driving like an idiot. And if I catch a flat tire while she's in the car, I know in the back of my mind, not only am I being disrespected by this woman, not only is this woman fucking with the radio station, fucking with my playlist. I can't even play the music I like in my own car. You know what? If 63% of men can't cover a$500 emergency, that means he has to turn to his girl in that moment and ask her for a loan to fix his flat tire after he was being disrespected the whole road trip. Rich, that is the state of emergency that we're in with this particular subject. How is that man gonna be dangerous if he can't even be held accountable for an emergency like a flat tire?

SPEAKER_02 44:59

Bro, that is completely unacceptable, first of all.

SPEAKER_01 45:02

It's research. Six out of ten. That means if you lined up 10 men right now, six of them can't cover a$500 emergency.

SPEAKER_02 45:10

Just this side of the conversation gets me so worked up because I view this young man who's being controlled by the world, and I almost want to shake him. Like, bro, snap out of it. Like you have no leverage, you're being manipulated, you have no self-control, you have no self-respect, you have low confidence, you lack an ego, right? Like there's all these things that you need to fix about yourself. Because I promise you, bro, the the world will try to beat you down if you are not prepared to push back and to fight back all the complexities and trials and tribulations that life will throw at you. You will be faced with some really hard things in life. And if you're not prepared, bro, if you don't stay dangerous, you're falling behind.

SPEAKER_01 45:57

Yeah, and I would say to that, Rich, is fuck it, I'll just say the story. At my old record label that I worked at, do the Google, I had a general manager tell me, Justin, I like you a lot, but you're all talk. You're not a doer, you're a talker. And listen, whether he was right or wrong in that moment, I have to thank that man because he lit a fire under me that made me a 100% doer. Because whether he was giving me advice or being mean, either way, it sparked something in my mind. The world bends to doers, the world doesn't bend to talkers. And what that means is in order for you to move forward, and like you said, Rich, your heart does go out to the young man that is experiencing this right now. A man that's between the ages of 18 and 28, and he's listened to 50 minutes of this episode, and he relates very deeply. He feels like a very controlled man, someone that the world is manipulating, the world is controlling, the world just tells him what to do, and he does it. He doesn't fight back, he has no resistance in him. That's not a dangerous man, that's a controlled man. And what Rich and I are telling you is it's a tough spot to be in. Trust me, we know we've been there before. I just said a story where I got disrespected by my coworker because he called me a talker, not a doer. And you know what, Rich? Once I started doing more and talking less, it gave me the ability to start taking steps in a direction that made me proud of myself. It helped me change my identity of myself. And I slowly stacked brick by brick by brick by brick, not for anybody else, but for myself. And it helped me so much. It helped me redefine myself. That was probably 28 years old to 39-year-old me was the man who took action, the man who was playing offense, the guy who was building out his life from this point forward and not living in my past. I and I and I'm glad you mentioned that, Rich, because you you're getting in the psyche and the mind of a young man that is listening to this right now, and they do feel hopeless.

SPEAKER_02 48:06

Yeah, Jess, you just unlocked part of the story that I wasn't going to share, but I feel like it's important context for for the show. So that same COO that I rejected the offer from, right? The counter offer, three years prior, I was getting a new position, right? And I think it was like my manager was trying to get me 80K, I think, at the time, something to that effect. And he came back and he said, give him 75. And my boss was like, bro, I'm trying to get him 80k. He's like, nah, 80k is too much for him. My boss came back and told me that. He's like, dude, I try to get you 80k. He pushed back at 75. I remember feeling so personally attacked by that because in my mind, I was like, what qualifies you to tell me that any amount of money is too much for me? Why? Because you think I grew up in the streets, or because I grew up in the hood, or because of my demographic, or because I'm Spanish? Like, what about anything about me makes you feel like I deserve anything less than what this man, my manager, is trying to get from me? So when I had the ability to get the tables turned and quit, and he hit me with the counter, I'm like, no, I'm gonna give you the same medicine you gave me by leaving a situation because I'm in control now, right? I felt the need to say that part of the story because there's more to it than just me quitting and like throwing it in their face. Like it was a whole five-year buildup to this very moment, right? Yeah. And I say that to say that just people will fuck with you, people will test you, people will try to figure out what you're made of as a man over and over and over again. And until you start to choose you and start to defend yourself and stay dangerous, you will not be prepared to stand up for yourself in a lot of these different situations.

SPEAKER_01 50:14

Wow, I'm glad you shared it. Also, you share your salary. I I love that. That that is the first, that's the first time we've ever done that on this. I mean, this was a long time ago, so I don't I don't like just know it's not 80.

SPEAKER_02 50:28

I don't mind sharing poor rich stories, but poor rich. I like that oxymoron of uh yeah, but you you you unlocked that feeling out of me just because I feel like I remember now I remember the feeling vividly of being counted out. Yeah, feeling like it gave me the drive to be like, bro, I'm going to obtain every single certification in my field, I'm going to become a subject matter expert. I'm going to make sure another employer validates me by giving me another offer. I'm going to put myself in the best position possible so that when I do resign, I have options. And you are no longer in control of my salary or my future life. Because I felt like at that moment, bro, he was controlling my life. That was a lot, that 5K difference was everything to me.

SPEAKER_01 51:22

And a man that will take what he's given every single time, the person that's giving to them, they know he's taking what I'm giving him. And you that becomes the baseline of your relationship with your employer, with your parents, with your girlfriend. Shit, even the motherfucking lady at the bus stop that violates you every day, and she doesn't give you the extra seat and she puts her bag down. People know what you're willing to take because they're giving. But when you're a motherfucker that got unlimited options, you don't got to take a motherfucking thing because I'm taking everything. And that's what that story reminded me of, Rich. Also, I did want to mention something that was in our research and I almost forgot it. But I forget the woman who ran the experiment. But please do your own research. The ice bath experiment and the ice bath experiment is so important to this conversation because do you remember the craze that was happening like three or four years ago where everybody was doing ice baths and they were trying to like see who can sit in an ice bath for as long as possible? Do you remember that? Yeah, I remember that. So the ice bath experiment, five years after the craze happened, and everybody wanted to be fucking Joe Rogan and everybody wanted to be an MMA fighter and LeBron James, even Kevin Hart had a show where you sat in an ice bath. And what they found out was all these stupid motherfuckers were spending$7,000 on an ice bath. And the only true scientific evidence that came from that experiment was the willingness to sit through something uncomfortable. And these people called it the willpower theory, meaning that it wasn't about the ice bath, it was being sold to people that had an issue with friction, people that had an issue with uncomfortable conversations, people that had an issue with dealing with people and they didn't have the willpower to address something uncomfortable. So what it did was just like an ice bath, the whole time you're looking at an uncomfortable conversation with your girl, with your employer, with your friends who are disrespecting you, it's like looking at an ice bath. You're sitting on top of it thinking, why the fuck would anybody get in this water? Your chest is bare, you got little ass shorts on, you're looking at an ice bath like, why did I sign up for this? That little wiring in your brain is discomfort. And what the challenge was with the ice bath experiment was the man who's willing to get into the ice bath and sit uncomfortably for two to three minutes, he can build tolerance over time, day over day. And all it really was, it's not about the ice bath. You could have saved yourself$7,000 and you could have walked up to the bully in your school and said, hey man, I don't really like it when you speak to me that way. And I won't accept that. If you talk to me like that ever again, a motherfucking fight is coming with that. That is the ice bath of life because you're building tolerance for discomfort. That's what this experiment showed. You don't need an ice bath. You just are avoiding uncomfortable conversations and you're throwing yourself in fucking negative 30 degree water when you just got to tell your mother, hey, I don't feel comfortable with you barging into my room. That is your ice bath. So what Rich is saying is, hey, when you come from where we come from, these inner cities, you have this discomfort with having money conversations. And you don't think much of yourself. You don't think a lot of yourself. So when people are giving you something, you're like, fuck it, I'll take it. You're like a squirrel in the park. You'll take what they give you. But Rich reached a point in his life, and I love that story you said, where you were like, nah, I want to set my price. And you got everything you wanted and more from sitting in that ice bath of discomfort, which was the uncomfortable conversation you needed to have with your employer.

SPEAKER_02 55:15

Yeah. Listen, you know how I feel like you need to view yourself, like every young man should view themselves as being priceless, bro. You cannot be purchased. There's no amount of money that can make you look foolish and act out and make you feel like you're begging someone to give you something. You're the type of person that can be manipulated. You can't be disrespected, right? Be a man that's priceless, be a man that's dangerous, right? Know that the way that you carry yourself is giving off this energy to everyone in the world that says, nah, bro, that dude is sharp. That dude is fit. That dude is knowledgeable, that dude is dangerous.

SPEAKER_01 56:01

Damn, that's a bar. Rich, can I share one story you reminded me of that I think our listeners would enjoy? I used to work at a model agency. Your story about getting more money reminded me of a time where I didn't get more money. I actually got less money for not standing up for myself. And you know what? For being a Cidbeir Gwensa and just fucking sharing all my personal life drama with my coworker, and that shit wound up boomeranging on me. It was a situation where I was sitting at a company office by myself. I was the only one that had a motion light on, and I was working 60 hours a week and they weren't paying me overtime. And this happened because I didn't stand up for myself. I didn't have an uncomfortable conversation with my manager at the time. So I was working at a modeling agency. It was a janky modeling agency. And they used to do a lot of fuck shit to get people to sign contracts. And then after they signed their contracts, they couldn't get out of it. It was a shady company and I was working there. And I remember venting to one of my managers at the time about how little money I had, and I was late on rent, and my life wasn't going the way I had planned it. And this motherfucker was just entertaining the conversation, like, damn, that's crazy. How much more do you need for rent? And how'd you get into this situation? Anyway, long story short, around seven o'clock, eight o'clock, everybody would leave. But there was an overnight crew that would come in and they would file paperwork and they would do all the grunt work. I was never a part of that team. So when I was getting ready to leave, he was like, yo, Justin, I put you on the schedule for overnight. You're gonna be working four hours every night. And I was DJing at the time at Ruckers. So I was like, no, I have a DJing gig. He was like, yo, I'm gonna be honest with you. If you don't take the four hours, I'm gonna have to let you go. At that moment, it hit me, oh, because I am a man that doesn't have money, I don't have options, and I fucking accidentally told my manager all the drama in my life that I was absolutely hopeless. He knew for a fact that I needed to say yes because I couldn't go without a job. And he took advantage of me. And guess who worked the next four nights overnight shift? I had to cancel all my DJing gigs when I had music business dreams. Spoiler, the music business dreams panned out. But in that moment, I learned a very valuable lesson. When you have no options, the world will create all of your options. So be mindful of who you communicate when you're down bad with, but also don't even be in a position to be down bad. Always try to stay try to stay ahead of things. Keep a little money in your savings. Don't be put in a fucked up situation. Because when you're put put in a fucked up situation, you got to do things that will compromise your integrity. And if you compromise your integrity enough, you're not even the man in the mirror that you know anymore. Because you're like, bro, I don't even know who I am anymore. Everywhere I go, I get disrespected. Everywhere I go, I get violated. Everywhere I go, people don't treat me like an honorable, respectable person. How can I be dangerous when my own motherfucking dog doesn't respect me? It's a tough life, but you have to get ahead of it and you have to stay ahead of it. And that moment in my life was, man, that was a dark memory that I had forgotten a long time ago. But I remember sitting there alone, working overtime, thinking to myself, like, I will never let this happen to me again. Never.

SPEAKER_02 59:28

That's deep. Listen, man, the world will exploit your vulnerabilities if you let it.

SPEAKER_01 59:33

Is that dark? Are we are we that are we being dark people by saying that, Rich? No, absolutely not.

SPEAKER_02 59:38

Listen, are we a fucked up platform? No, I want to end it with Nipsey's quote. Used to be safe. Now it's stay dangerous. There we go. Failures podcast.

SPEAKER_01 59:48

Failures podcast. Hey, stay dangerous. And listen, if you made it this far into the episode, Rich and I don't sell a motherfucking thing. This is truly food for thought. We love our community. We love the community we're building. So all you can do is share it, like it, do whatever you gotta do to help us with the outgo, but stay dangerous.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:06

Yeah. And if you're a dangerous guy, subscribe to the YouTube, man.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:11

All right. Now you're manipulating. Hi, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:15

Peace.