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If you don't enjoy what's happening in your life now and you don't look forward to what's to come in your life, of course you're gonna live in a prison that is your past because it's the last time you actually felt happy. It's the last time you actually felt free, it's the last time you actually felt like somebody that existed in the world and had a significance and importance. That's what this episode is about. That's the pain that we're trying to attack here. Failures podcast. Today we're talking about the death of your glory days. You peaked in high school and you know it. You peaked in college. Maybe you don't know it, but everybody around you knows it. How do they know it? Because every time you link up with people, and it's been five years, ten years since your glory days, all you talk about is high school. All you talk about is college. All you talk about is the time you were a star athlete and everyone loved you. All you ever talk about is you being valedictorian and you being the smartest person in the classroom. You were the frat leader, you were the guy that had all the girls. The keyword had you used to be. All you talk about is the past. I can look at myself in the mirror when I bring up the death of my glory days. A lot of times I'm guilty of this. I love talking about winning most popular in high school. I love talking about when I was a DJ at Ruckers and everybody loved me, and I was hosting sick parties. But you know what? Just like many things, you should just learn to move on. The problem with this episode today is that some people don't know how to move on and don't know how to enter the next phase of their life. So Rich and I were just kind of talking about some pain points we see in our community. And one of them is the death of your glory days, grieving your expired identity. People that you meet up with, and all they want to talk about is remember when. Rich, I know this one was one that struck a nerve with you, but we went to high school together. I know you live maybe uh an hour away from home. Does this show topic make you think of anyone, or is this something that you can relate to, or something comes to mind when we bring it up? Yeah, listen, there's a whole bunch of category of people that I remember from high school that still live with this problem today. And just this reminds me of an old hood philosopher that you may know called 50 Cent. When he said, Damn, homie, in high school, you were the man, homie. What the fuck happened to you? Yes, and what happened to you? That means you've changed, right? Like you're no longer the same person. And it's interesting how when you go to high school, when you graduate high school, you graduate college, and every conversation, every interaction that you're having with somebody, you're just mentioning your old wins, wins you had 10 years ago, things you accomplished many, many years ago. And it just goes to show that your mentality is still living in the past. You haven't done or worked on anything new as far as goals or accolades. So you keep mentioning the past. And we were calling that in the pre-show something called nostalgia addiction, where you like to reminisce and share things about the past, and you're sulking and living and marinating in that old identity of what you used to be, versus rebuilding a new identity and new goals for yourself moving forward. Yeah, Rich, a lot of our topics are centered around very simple life principles. And unfortunately for us, in order for us to create enough content that will reach people that are experiencing, you know, different pains in their life, unfortunately, that everything kind of funnels into the same, you know, lessons. And this lesson is adapt or die. That's pretty much it. This falls under a very simple category: adapt or die. If you can't adapt and outgrow your small neighborhood or your small town or your small group of friends, and this is probably the most important part, and you want more for yourself. You have to want more for yourself. Because if you don't want more for yourself, then this episode is not for you. If you did click on this episode, you probably clicked with intent. You clicked for a reason. You find yourself linking up with old friends, and you're starting to either get annoyed that you guys never talk about anything more than what happened in the past. This has happened to me, Rich. You're starting to notice that when you start having conversations with people, you always want to talk about a time and place where you are a little bit more handsome, you're a little bit more charming, you're a little bit more influential, you are a little bit more fit, you are a little bit more athletic. It's almost like you're living in your own little snow globe with the perfect climate and the perfect setting, and everything is exactly the way it was when things were great. So, yeah, Rich, the nostalgia portion is important, but I think more importantly than that is the idea of like, if you're starting to feel uncomfortable with this idea that you're not moving forward, this is probably why you clicked on the episode. And that's something we want to discuss on today's episode. How do you get out of that funk? How do you move forward from that nostalgia trap? Yeah. And listen, I think part of it is feeling a little bit of shame, right? Like when two guys are having a conversation, friendly or not, you're sizing that other man up, right? And when you're having that conversation and sharing information, you want to share your most impactful win, right? Or the best thing about you. True. And sometimes because you haven't worked on anything new, the best thing about you was that you were a star athlete in high school and you ran a triathlon six years ago. So you start using old reference points to highlight how great you are, but that's how you used to be. You're no longer that person anymore, right? So I think it comes from a place of shame that I need to show the person who I'm speaking to that I'm still elite. I'm alpha. I'm like a dog, right? I'm a man amongst men. And when you don't have that information current, you have to refer to the past. Rich, it's funny that three pop culture moments came to my mind instantly when we thought of this episode. It's like living in your glory days. You yearn to be the high school version of yourself because that's when you were your best self. You yearn for the college days when you were the man on campus because that's when you were your best self. Your whole social media feed, your Facebook, your Instagram, your Twitter is filled with old photos of yourself, but you haven't posted a photo of yourself in the last three or four years. There's something subconsciously happening there. And I thought you mentioned that very precisely with what you just said. There's something about subconsciously, you knowing, damn, this is when I was my best self. If you're hesitant to post a picture of yourself now, but you're very excited to post a picture of yourself back in the day and tag all your old friends, there's nothing wrong with that. That's not what this episode is about. But this episode is about that subconscious creep that comes in in your mind when you're like, damn. I just really like talking about my glory days. I love posting pictures about when I was popping, when I was younger. And this is not something that's like an old man episode. You don't have to be in your 40s to be going through this. I watch younger guys, they just kind of live in a vacuum of their past because to your point, Rich, and I want you to unpack that a little bit more. Nothing has happened since the glory days. And that's really what this is an indictment on. It's your disappointment in who you are today because you really have nothing to discuss about who you are today. Yeah, but think about when you talk about your past, right? How good does it feel to share your old wins, right? To share that you scored the winning touchdown in like a high school varsity game, right? Like it makes you feel good to remind yourself of the past. But I think the poison and the trap that we're trying to highlight on this episode is when you're sharing your wins, when you're sharing who you are and the things that you've accomplished, if you're every phrase that you say is I used to be. That's the killer phrase, right? I used to be. Remember when and I used to be, yeah. I used to be and remember when. Those two phrases are constantly reminding you that you are living in the past and not working or building towards the present. Rich, I want to stay on remember when because the three pop culture references that we discussed in the pre-show meeting was one, and you mentioned it, I instantly thought about it the minute we decided this was the show topic. 50 Cent Damn, homie. High school, you was the man, homie. What the fuck happened to you? That was number one. Number two comes from one of my favorite TV shows, The Wire. Slim is telling Brody about something that changed in the business that they were running. And he said, Damn, back in the day it wouldn't have been like that. And Slim tells Brody, Well, the thing about back in the day, it ain't back in the day. And he's basically telling him, like, the business is what it is now. All that shit that you yearn for from the past, it's in the past. That's why it's not here now. And that is valuable information from a TV show. But the number one spot that really came to mind when we did this episode was Tony Soprano and Paulie sitting in a dinner with a few O-heads from back in the day. And I do want to play the clip and we can go from there. Remember when we all rented that house down the shore? With the bedbugs? Tony Spencer and the Bronx rented it? Uh huh. That's where the hippie kid mysteriously drowned during that party. Hey, Tom. Okay. Yeah, yeah. Sure take. You're being kind of quiet. Remember when it's the lowest form of conversation. Yeah, man. What comes to mind when you hear that, Rich? You know, I immediately think of like the guy who was the most popular, who was the star athlete, and you know, he's no longer that anymore, but he still carries that mindset into his current reality and that ego that I used to be this, I used to be that, right? And it's weird because when you were the guy, you had all the attention, you had the girls, you had the popularity, right? Like you had all these things that made you feel like you were on a pedestal. And now that you don't have those things anymore, and no one looks at you like you should be held on a pedestal, you feel some type of way because you carry that ego with you that you were the guy that everyone looked up to and everyone praised, and you're no longer that guy anymore. So there's this weird conflicting feeling in this young man where old feelings start to creep up, and you know, it's it's like a constant battle with your ego, I feel, as you get older. Yeah, that there's a phrase for it. It's it's called arrested development. It's um when you're almost stunted in your own growth, and it's the equivalent of someone that lives in a box that only goes but so tall. You can only get as big as the room that you're in. And you kind of just shrink in the room that you're already in. And one quote that came from some of the show notes and going through Reddit and a few small communities that discuss this topic was the goal isn't to become who you were, the goal is to make your old self proud of who you're becoming. And I think that is where the pain is at in this episode, right? Like you can't really be mad at somebody for celebrating who they were. Shit, I know I do it all the time, but there is something to be said, Rich. And I'm curious to know what your thoughts are about looking forward into who you're becoming to keep the old version of yourself inspired, excited, happy, and proud of who you became. Yeah, I mean, and listen, that only happens by proxy of you doing a self-reflection on yourself and really identifying that, okay, this is how I used to be in high school, in college, but you know, I'm working towards a degree in technical field and I'm building a career and I want to obtain certifications. And, you know, like you really have to set the foundation of what you want your future to look like. I think the distinction is that you have to have the ability to turn that switch, right? To reflect on yourself. What are the positive things about your past that you could bring into your future that you could continue building on yourself? But bro, it's funny. Like, I look at the block, you look at the block sometimes, and you can see the OGs on the block with the Kango hats, and you're like with the baggy clothes, and he's like in his mid-50s, and you're like, damn, OG still living in the past. Yeah, glory days, glory days. I mean, shit, you describe that, but you're describing my father, you're describing my mother, you're describing my stepfather, you're describing people that are living in a time capsule of when things were best. This is why certain businesses like fashion and music and film, like if you think about Pixar movies, like old nostalgic movies, these three industries can exist forever in the world of nostalgia. All you gotta do is repurpose an old piece of clothing and it'll make those people think about a time like damn, I remember when fucking flare pants and bell bottoms were popping, or I remember when uh uh like when I see the Dipset logo, I get excited. It makes me happy. But if I ask an 18-year-old what that logo means, it means nothing to them. When I think of a movie that I loved when I was younger, and I bring it up as a point of reference, like Sopranos. I don't know if our audience even cares about Sopranos or The Wire. But to me, the nostalgia of that moment, enjoying it at that moment, having friends around that were enjoying that moment with you. It's funny because this has probably happened to you, Rich. You'll play an old movie for your son, and you remember it being way better than what it was, and then you're like, nah, nah, you had to be there. It was like funnier in the moment. It's like, no, in the moment, you were around friends that enjoyed that song in a way that was true to the moment. But time has actually shown you that that song is trash, it's not as good as you remember it, but it's the nostalgia and living in the past. Shit, Bruce Springsteen, we went to high school in Jersey. If you go to the South Shore of Jersey, Bruce Springsteen has created a monopoly in all the 60 and 70-year-olds in Jersey because his music was built on nostalgia, born to run. When I was young, I was a small town guy living in a lonely world. Like all these phrasings and analogies is based in nostalgia, living in a capsule of a time where your life was perfect. You were young, you were vibrant, you were attractive, you were the man. Everyone loved you, everyone laughed at your jokes. Now you can't even get a fucking smile out of your son because he thinks you're a loser. You want to go back to a time. If your life is not lit now, you want to go back to a time where your life was lit. For sure. And listen, we're not saying that it's bad to think about the past or reminisce. Shit. I love me a good 90s movie. Like, that's my favorite thing to do, is just replay old 90s movies and introduce my son to like old shows that I grew up on and see the glow in his eye when he's watching it for the first time. Yeah, yeah. Or he'll point out something that you don't even notice because it was normal, but like that, why is he wearing that? You're like, oh shit. We used to do that. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Like he he saw like tie-dye shirts and he's like, why is that shirt so colorful? I'm like, we actually used to make those back in the day. Yeah, here we are. We should just do a whole episode where we talk about old shit. Yeah, seriously. But I think the poison just is when you're living in that nostalgia. When you're like you said, when you're living in that time capsule and you're not getting out of 2014, like that was your peak year. That's when you had uh all the attention of all the women, you went on the most dates, like you made the most money, you had all these like great feelings about yourself, and then potentially it was all downhill from there because you didn't top that year. And I think that's the pivot that I feel like most young men need to recognize is just you can't have one great year and then call it quits and just start coasting for for the rest of your life, and then you're having conversations with the homies and you can't even point to a recent win or a recent goal that you've accomplished. Like that is a problem. The fact that you are only sharing and reflecting on things from the past, and you have nothing to look forward to in the future. You want to do a quick test to know if you're living in the past, look at an old picture of yourself, look at an old video of yourself, and truly ask yourself, damn, do I miss this guy? Do I wish I can go in a time machine and be this guy again? Then that means that you're living in your past, that you're not looking forward to what is happening in your life currently, and you're not looking forward to the people that you have around you currently, and you look at your future as a very, very dark path forward. That's why this episode is so important. Because if you don't enjoy what's happening in your life now and you don't look forward to what's to come in your life, of course you're gonna live in a prison that is your past because it's the last time you actually felt happy. It's the last time you actually felt free. It's the last time you actually felt like somebody that existed in the world and had a significance and importance. That's what this episode is about. That's the pain that we're trying to attack here. And if you relate it to what I just said, then you have some unpacking to do and you have some work to do for your life today and moving forward. Yeah. Every stage in life, you need to have the ability to reset the scoreboard, right? When you graduate high school, reset the scoreboard. When you graduate college, reset the scoreboard, right? Like, if you are living in the scoreboard of high school and you're 25, 26 years old out in the real world, it's just like, no, my man. Like you are living in past wins, and you're you're stuck in the time capsule. Like, I can't say that enough. Yeah. This topic makes me want to shake this guy, right? Because so I'll give you an example. You and I build a platform called Good Fellow Media back in 2020, 2010. Funny you said that. I had that in my notes too. It was a golden era for us. Golden era for me and Justin, golden era for music. Drake came up, Kendrick Lamar came up, future came up, these Nipsey Hustle, really early rappers that we all admire today, came up and we were part of their origin story. I'm sorry, Rich. You should mention that we interviewed these guys. Yes. We helped develop their careers. We met them. We're all the same age. Everybody you named, R.I.P. Nip, but a lot of those artists, J. Cole, Schoolboy Q, Future, all those artists that we interviewed and we met with, we all came up with. So that's why in both of our show notes, Goodfella came up because what a beautiful time in our lives. We went from nothing to somebody overnight by creating a platform. But continue, I'm sorry. Yeah, no, listen, I love that history for us, and it feels good to have played a small part in the history of rappers that we all admire today's career, right? We had a small part to play in that, and those were the glory days for us. However, I do not make that time that we were building that media company my identity. I don't bring it up very often because it's a previous win of mine, it's not a current win. I feel like if I bring it up every time I'm talking to someone, I'm trying to brag about something I did 10, 12 years ago. And in my mind, you're only as good as your most recent accomplishments. People don't remember that you crossed the finish line of the marathon 10 years ago. When is the last time you ran a marathon? That's what people care about. They care about what you're doing now or what you are saying you're going to do in the future. Yeah. You know what that really reminds me of? Two stories. One was going back home to Hudson County from LA to visit my niece, who is living in her glory days. She's the number three catcher in the country for softball. Top 50 talent in the nation for softball. She's going to college, full ride, four-year school, D1. She's living in her glory days. She's 17, 18 years old. She's playing for the old high school that my brother went to in Hudson County, New Jersey. And I flew from LA back home because she was playing in a big game and I wanted to support her. Long story short, Rich, you pulled up on me. You actually came to visit me while I was at that game. I haven't been home in since high school, since college. So it's probably like 20 years. When I went back home, I ran into an old friend that my brother used to know that was a star quarterback, easily one of the best athletes ever to play football in Hudson County. At that time, that guy was like Jesus and Pat Mahomes mixed in one. When he was in his prime in 2000 I don't know, 2008. It's 2025 when I go back home to visit my niece, who's playing in her glory day moment. She's living in her prime for high school. Bro, you know who I see at the game wearing his football jersey from 2008? Let's call him Jerry. I see Jerry at the game, but I don't realize it's him because he looks a lot older. I look a lot older. My brother looks a lot older. And he walks up to me and I'm like, yo, what's up? He's like, bro, you don't remember me? Like, damn, it's good for you to come back to the hood and tap in. I was like, yo, who is that? I asked my brother. He's like, brother, that's Jerry. Remember Jerry, the quarterback? I was like, bro, he still comes to the games. Like, is his daughter on the team? He's like, nah, his daughter graduated like seven years ago. This dude goes to all the high school games for soccer, for football, for baseball, women's softball. He's at every game and he always wears either the Letterman jacket from the year they won the national champ, like the title for like state championship, or he wears his jersey. And he always wants to talk about back in the day. Remember when we won that championship? Machito remembers. I started over him. Like, it's crazy. That shit blew my mind, Rich. Me, my brother, all my friends from high school, we all grew up and we grew out of that time in our lives. Bendito is like a Spanish term for like, I feel sorry for you. And I truly felt sorry for him, but it almost felt like he was happy. So who am I to ruin that happiness for him? He was living in his nostalgia. He probably works a job where no one knows how important he was in high school. But when he goes back to all these old games, he gets to live in that moment every day. Now, my steel man argument for him would be what's wrong with that? Why are you trying to shame me for living in my past that I truly enjoy and I still enjoy? Why is that a bad thing? Why create an episode about it? I think for both of us, we're trying to identify that there's a lot of people living in this time capsule, right? But the net benefit of getting out of this nostalgia addiction is really growth. That's what we're pushing our listeners and our viewers on this show topic is we want you to grow. We want you to mature. And the only way you do that is by self-auditing yourself, understanding that all the accomplishments you've had in the past were amazing, were great. You were the guy, but we want you to continue being that guy, set new goals for yourself, set new accomplishments, change your environment, right? I love the inverse just where I see a person from high school that was really like heavy and out of shape, and then see them as an adult and they're like fit, or they, you know, they're living a whole separate lifestyle. Because I'm like, damn, I love that juxtaposition, right? Because that person definitely doesn't want to live in nostalgia because they weren't happy about who they were during that time, but they had growth, they worked towards their physical fitness and their physical appearance, and they look how they look now. So I think that's what we're pushing on this episode, is just you have to have the ability to want more for yourself and push forward and build more growth as an individual. Rich, I'm gonna get ahead of someone that we went to high school with that is gonna see this and be like, here these motherfuckers go. These dudes were lame in high school, they didn't have no motion in high school. And of course they're gonna make an episode about how they're looking forward to their future selves and how they're giving themselves credit as adults because they were losers. I could see someone positioning this that way because it would make sense for someone that didn't have a great experience in high school or college to underplay that part of their life because the later part of their life got lit. So, what would be your response to like, bro, I'm just proud of who I was, what's so wrong with that? I think that's great, right? But we were popping in high school. We made thousands of dollars, we hung out with rappers all throughout college. Bro, our past was fucking awesome, right? So you're saying, not me, not the guy. I don't I don't fit that criteria. No, yeah. For the steel man argument. You got the wrong guy, pal. I just want to be clear like we were popping in high school and in college, but I don't like the idea of marinating in those old wins because that means that we're stagnant, we're staying there and living in that old identity of what we used to be. That's why I like the idea of speaking about current wins, future wins. What are you working on? What are you building now? What are you looking forward to? Do you have any future expectations for yourself? How are you reinventing yourself? That's what I feel like you need to really be pushing. It's like if you were the star athlete in high school and now you're in your late 20s, early 30s, how are you reinventing yourself to be that guy again? Yeah, you said marinating in your old wins. And that might be the real show title. What is it about that combination of words? Like you just made that up right now, but why does that fit so perfectly for this episode? And the young man that's probably in his late 20s, that's like, damn, that resonated with me. I'm marinating in my old wins. Because you're living a life of comfort when you're doing that. You're marinating in your old wins because you want to stay and live a life of comfort. So you're in your room holding on to all your trophies, right? Your shining old trophies, yeah. All your medals, right? Saying, like, this is me, right? That was you 10 years ago, my boy. Like, take that same tenacity that you had as a star athlete and apply it to your current reality, right? So if you were a track star in high school, take that same discipline and apply it to your major or your career path. You could be in the business world. And bro, there's no difference between running a marathon and running a marathon in business, right? It's the same principles, same discipline, same tenacity, same mental state that you need to be in because you're preparing yourself to run a very long race, right? Just using it as a metaphor. But I feel like that's how you get over the hump of living in that past identity. Yeah, I think that's a great way to put it, Rich. And there are clinical terms and like research-driven data about what we're talking about here. I'm still a victim of this. And in some way, whether you know it or not, Rich, you're a victim of it. Oh, for sure. I think all people go through something that is clinically termed identity lock-in. Identity lock-in and identity foreclosure. These are the clinical terms for people that look at a certain window of their life, the years of their life where they're molded. And that personality is 10 times as hard to try to take off of you as you become an adult because you still see yourself as this person. We've actually discussed this in a lot of other episodes where we're talking about like getting rid of your old identity. Stop thinking negatively about yourself. You used to be overweight, but now you're skinny, but you still see yourself as somebody who's overweight. You used to not be good with women, but now you're older, you're taller, you're more fit, and you still see yourself as someone that's a shrimp, somebody that, you know, you're not good with people. These are old identities. This is identity foreclosure, identity lock-in. And the science behind it is the most malleable time of your life where your brain is accepting who you are is between the ages of 12 to 21. And when you really think about that, Rich, it makes the most sense. We are permanently a version of ourselves from the age of 12 to 21. I've always been a younger brother. I have an issue with always feeling like the smaller person and the younger person in any room I'm in. This is why I have a fucking Napoleon complex. Because I feel this need to always want to fight for respect, fight for something else. And there's no doubt in my mind that that doesn't come from being an undersized athlete my whole life. I play basketball, football. Those are sports where if you're taller, you're more dominant. I was always good in those sports, but I was always smaller. So I had to approach everything with a level of like anger and feistiness and like meanness because it made up for the height that I didn't have between the ages of 12 and 21. I was a younger brother. My brother used to beat the shit out of me, throw me through closet doors when we would play anything in my room or we would play anything together. I suffer from the younger brother identity. I always feel like I have to punch up in life. This is from identity lock-in. I still see myself as a younger, smaller person, even though I'm a full grown man. So not only are we saying for the person that's 40 minutes into this episode, thinking to themselves, like, damn, I feel attacked. No, no, you're not alone. Rich and I agree with you. We suffer from this too. What we're saying is, and what we can do from a more actionable advice standpoint is, hey man, you got to get better at shedding the old skin that was your past and step into what it is that you know you need to become so you can become a better version of yourself, whatever that means. It's mixed for everybody. There's not one remedy that could solve everybody's problems. But what is that to you? What do you want to become? What old skin do you want to shed? A big problem with shedding old skin is living in your glory days. If you want to live in your past, you're never going to be able to step into your future. Yeah, listen, and that to me just what exactly what you just said was a huge unlock for me because I remember up until maybe 24, 25, I was just kind of drifting. I was like, I went to high school, I went to college, we were working on the radio show and the media company at the time, but I just felt like I was doing things and I was doing the right things with no clear direction. I didn't work on my physical fitness, I didn't care about what I ate. And it wasn't really until I started to self-reflect, do self-identity audit, and really understand who I was as a person. What am I after? What am I chasing? What are my goals? What inspires me? What do I really want for myself? That unlock really gave me the roadmap to what my future self could look like. And that only came by proxy of me like really sitting in the mirror and understanding who I was looking at in the reflection and being happy with that person that I was looking at. And, you know, just I want to emphasize this because I think it's super important. You could be the guy who's not living in the past and not living in this nostalgic era of your life and be the goal getter and be the guy that wants more. But you could be around a whole bunch of friends that are living in the past. And I unfortunately I feel like those people will drag you down, right? Because you are a very forward-thinking person. You want more for yourself, you're ambitious, you're inspired, you want to get after it, you want to run the marathon, but you're surrounding yourself with all these people who only speak about the glory days, have a nostalgia addiction, and these people will drag you down if you don't find a way to change your environment or get some new people around you. So I want to emphasize that it might not just be that you're living in the past, it might be that the people who are around you are living in the past, and those people could drag you down too. Yeah. It's well said, Rich. And I think a lot of it has to do with who you surround yourself with. And if you are gonna live in your past, that's fine. But you could be someone that is stacking wins on top of your old wins. So your entire life could be a hike up a mountain in the upward trajectory, not just going in circles for your entire life. And that little analogy of climbing the mountain actually brings me to the next phase of this conversation, which I think is a little bit more elevated for the lack of a better term. Like if I think about the things in my life that have been the most challenging, they've actually taught me a lot about who I thought I was versus who I am today. And a lot of those things came unexpectedly. And usually when life throws you a curveball, you mentioned this earlier, comfort becomes the place you want to retreat into, right? Like you want to get comfortable immediately because life became unpredictably way more challenging. And if I retroactively look back at my life, I'm 40 years old now. If I think about the greatest moments in my life that led me to more money, led me to more clarity on myself, led me to more people that were more like-minded, like the way I was looking at the world, not the way the homies from back home were looking at the world. It always came with a good, unexpected life curveball. And then me sitting in that discomfort for six to nine months and eventually getting to the other side and realizing, damn, I've been traveling up the wrong side of the mountain. I have to come back down, reinvent myself, and start hiking up a new side of the mountain. And that shit is painful every time it happens. But it's happened so much in my life, Rich, that I've become used to the idea of being like, uh-oh, here comes some discomfort. Let me keep going because I'm gonna realize at the end of this who I am today and who I am moving forward versus who I was back in the day. So just know with an accomplishment or some adversity comes clarity. The unexpected sadness that comes with accomplishing a lifelong goal is always gonna be melancholy. It's always gonna be this feeling of like, damn, what now? That's a good thing. That's a good thing. Don't let that feeling go anywhere because that feeling of accomplishing something or that a feeling of lifelong disaster is a good thing. That means you should keep going or you should come back down and find the new route. But it doesn't mean stop, lick your wounds, or stop and celebrate everything that has happened. If you're young and you still have energy, keep going. Living in your past is definitely not the move. Yeah, a man needs new evidence every time you're in a new phase of your life. I just remember the quote that Jay-Z say where he said, motherfuckers said that they made hove. Well, then go make another hove. Like, if you did that, if you made me, go make another one of me, right? Show me new evidence that you could do what you did in the past. And you don't need to constantly be proving to people that this used to be you, right? Yeah, like for me, this show is an example of new evidence. Have you built a media company before? Yes, good fellow media. Can you build a media company again? Yes. Failures media. Here we are. This is my version of my new evidence. And in hopes that we build this to as big as we build Goodfellow Media in the past. Stay right there, Rich. I think it's important that you kill the old version of your old self. It's important. Kill is extreme. You definitely want to keep reinventing yourself. No, I the reason why I said that is because Game of Thrones, there's a scene where the old wise man tells Jon Snow, the main character, kill the boy, Jon Snow. For if you don't kill the boy, the man will never live. And I think that is the failures mantra: young men having to be okay with the unknown, walking into the fog, moving through a world that is not clear. That's where a lot of this fear comes from. So when I say kill the boy, I truly mean that. You have to kill the boy. And some of killing the boy comes with getting out of that comfort and moving forward. So my question to you, Rich, is when you think of explaining why would Rich Sanchez start a media platform in his late 30s, going into his 40s, if he already has a house, he already has a savings account, he's already doing good, he already has a family. Why not just sit around and watch your kids grow up, Rich, and just fucking sit at the porch and drink Blue Gal? Why not do that? Because this is my version of working towards something, right? This is something that um that we're both passionate about. We're both passionate about helping the younger generation navigate through life's challenges. And ironically enough, just without the nostalgia, without our past trials and tribulations and our failures, this show and this media company does not exist. Because we're packaging all of our old wounds and reminding young men that hey, there's a better way to accomplish the things you want to accomplish, or there's a better path, or don't go down this path because there's about 20 unforeseen challenges that you might face going down Justin's path or going down Rich's path. So we hope that in every episode there's something digestible that you take away that you can adopt in your own life and make less mistakes than what we did growing up. So I do think the nostalgia is important, right? You do have to have the ability to reflect on old things and old wounds about yourself in order to take that old evidence and use it to rebuild your new reality. But just living in that past and not weaponizing it to your advantage to work towards the future, I think that's kind of like the poison. Because you're like you said before, you're living in that time capsule. This is actually kind of embarrassing this story because I ran into an Indian kid that was valedictorian when we were in high school. I graduated before you, Rich, right? High school? Yeah. I'm gonna say his name. Fuck it. Cronell Patel. If you're listening, I'm sorry, brother. I'm so sorry. I was mean in high school, I was a bully. I failed seventh and eighth grade. I had a broken family. I was really a fucked up person. I would bully people. And Crunell was our valedictorian. Rich, I don't think I said this story on air, but I ran into Cronell when I was with my girl, the girl I'm with now, and we went back home. And I was like showing her for the first time where I went to high school. You know how it goes. And I was telling her, like, there was a version of me in the past that was a mean person. Like I was I was a bully to some people, and I uh whatever. I'm waiting at the bus stop on 60th to go to midtown Manhattan with my girl so I could show her New York and I could visit my father in Brooklyn. And I could swear I I saw like a 38-year-old version of Creunell, this guy that I went to high school with. And I remember looking at him from far and being like, damn, is that fucking Croonell? This dude was valedictorian. I think he went to like an Ivy League school. And I was like, nah, he's probably just a regular Indian dude. And I'm just like confusing him for somebody else. And we walked by him and I locked eyes with him, and he was like, bro, he took like his head popped back and he was like, Justin. I was like, Oh shit, Croonell. He was like, What's up, man? I was like, what's up with you? He's like, Oh, I'm headed to New York to go to work. And I was like, Oh, it's my girl. Ooh, whatever. I introduced him. And he goes, Man, I've heard so much about you since you haven't been like in West New York. I'm so shocked to see how your life played out. I thought you were gonna be in a very bad place as an adult. And I was like, damn, what do you mean by that? He was like, I don't know, like just people felt so bad for you in high school. I was like, wait, what? You felt bad for me, I felt bad for you. And he was like, nah, like we knew that like you were a problem child, and like your life was like, but I'm happy, I've seen what you've done with yourself, man. Congratulations! Like, I've heard great things. Like, I ran into Mr. Polynese and he told me you're doing good for yourself. But I'm happy to see it all worked out for you. And it was weird to me that he pitied me and I pitied him. Jokes on him. I was on my way to my uh six-figure job where I was gonna get paid to work music marketing, but no flex. I sat in that bus ride with my girl, and it fucked me up because that was a version of myself that was 20 years in the past, and I was sitting with my girl as a version of myself current day. And my girl kind of looked at me like, he must be wrong. Like, that's not the guy that I know. And I was like, damn. I don't remember exactly what I said to her, but it was something like, I don't ever want you to define me by who I was. I want to be defined by who I am today and who I want to be moving forward. And that was kind of a summary of the conversation I had with a person that knew the new me, that didn't know the old me. And that is a real lived moment of this episode. If I had to live in the 2012 version of myself for the rest of my life, that would not be a life lived. That would be a life of suffering because I'm living wearing a pair of shoes that fit me when I was in the fifth grade, and I'm trying to stuff myself into these shoes every day. So, shout out to Crunell, man. That little exchange we had did open up my eyes and gave me perspective that I didn't really have in that moment. Yeah, that's a great story. And listen, man, if if you're living in your past, you're you're not living. You're not living in your present, right? I it's funny. I saw a clip of Michael Jordan, and he was like celebrating. He was in a NASCAR event. Oh, yeah, yeah. And I think he's a NASCAR owner. F1, yeah. Yeah, and he's like won twice already. And they interviewed him, like, oh, do you get the same feeling seeing uh your driver win than you did back when you played basketball? He was like, Oh, yeah, it's the same adrenaline rush, same competitiveness. And I'm like, man, I love to see that. This man, the best basketball player in the entire planet, not high school, ever in basketball. Ever, period. Yeah. Found at late 50s, well 60 probably, a way to reinvent himself and tie his new life to new evidence that he's still tied to greatness in some way. Yeah. Yeah. And I feel like just like Jordan, like you need to find what that is for you, no matter how old you are, right? I know our platform is dedicated to younger guys, but even if you're a little older, maybe maybe you're our age or maybe you're in your 40s, but you have to have the ability to find new ways to reinvent yourself and have that new evidence for yourself. If you're trapped in your past and you don't know how to get out of it, the question you have to ask yourself is what is the story that I keep telling myself that is putting me in this prison that is my past? Because we've said this on other episodes. Your memory is a liar. 50% of the shit you remember is made up to try and justify and excuse yourself for your shortcomings today. There is a documentary out there about how people remember 9-11 versus what actually happened in 9-11. And whenever you suffer a trauma or whenever you want to forgive yourself for falling short, your brain does this little magic trick where it just excuses you for all the shit that you're accountable for and it places blame on other people for the stuff that they could have been responsible for, and it gives you the freedom at 28, 29, 31 years old to tell yourself, hey, you know why I'm unhealthy? Because I grew up in a family that didn't care about me. You know why I'm broke? Because my mother was so bad with money that that became who I was. You want to know why I'm not good with girls? Because I suffered from trauma. There was bullies like Justin that used to bully me, and now I have to blame that person for the rest of my life. Your memory is a liar. Your brain does shit to make you feel good about yourself. And why and how do I know that, Rich? This is a little reverse engineering I had to do on my own brain to stop myself from sitting in the pool of piss and blood that I used to sit in that was just excuses for me to feel good about myself for why I wasn't accomplishing my goals. And I think living in your past is another version of this because you like to live in that little comfortable place that makes you feel good about all the things that you were and it excuse you for all the things that you are not today. So this is an extreme issue with young men struggling in their late 20s, early 30s. Yeah. You're using the past to hide how you currently feel, right? And it's this weird thing, like how you said just where your past and nostalgia, it brings you feeling. It could make you feel confident, it could make you feel like excited, you know, it could do a lot for you thinking about the past, but you're just masking and hiding from the fact that you need to be working on new things. You're potentially procrastinating, you're not getting up and working towards anything. So it's making that old identity is making you feel like it's bringing you peace and comfort. And maybe if I reflect on the things that used to be good, I won't consider myself in my current circumstance. I won't think that I'm a loser, right? So it's this weird thing of how we really hold on to the past. So, like you said, we could feel comfortable and we don't need to walk around with that shame that we're not getting up and getting after it and working towards anything new. Rich, well said, and I just wanted to say this is actionable advice because I I know we're getting to the end of the show and we haven't really shared some real specific actionable advice, but my best advice and my simple advice to a guy that's in his mid-20s, late 20s, even his early 30s, if you know that you're living in your past, you enjoy hanging out with your high school friends, and you enjoy gossiping about girls from high school that or college that are doing things that you're laughing at, is you're living in a prison that's your past. And if you peaked in high school or college and you know it, and you're living in denial, but you feel that you've stunted your growth, you're living in arrested development, you're not moving forward. My best actionable advice for you would be summarize the last 10 years of your life, really document it. Ask yourself, what have I done in the last five to 10 years that I'm proud of? And why do I keep bringing up things that happened five years ago, 10 years ago? You really have to ask yourself that question. What is it that I'm most proud of that I've done in the last 12 months? What is it that I'm most proud of that I've done in the last six months? What is it that I'm most proud of that I've done in the last 90 days? If the list from 10 years ago is bigger than the list of what I just said, then that means you have to move forward and stop living in your past. I would recommend a simple rule of taking the next 30, 60, and 90 days to let go of your past and start building a future that you love and you want to move forward with. Create 30-day goals, create 60-day goals, create 90-day goals, and stop mentioning who you were. Start talking about who you want to become because the actions that you take today become your identity. You become this. And I know that sounds fucking fluffy and woo-woo magical, but I believe you're living in your past because you want to be comfortable and you want to rest on your laurels, you want to shine old trophies. But the truth is you're not washed. You're not washed, you're just not challenging yourself enough. So give yourself a 30, 60, 90, 30 days, 60 days, 90 days. Put some short-term goals, medium goals, and long-term goals on paper and march forward. That to me is the best actionable advice because if you don't start looking ahead, man, your whole life is cooked because you're just going to always be looking back. I know there's a fun and interesting line about rear view mirrors being smaller than the windshield, but it is relevant here. There is a reason why rear view mirrors are smaller than windshields because you want to be looking forward. There's more to look forward to. Yeah, Jess, that was a great story. And you know, for me, I think one of the things that would be most helpful is to really reflect on why you're sharing these past stories about yourself, right? Sometimes you're doing it because you still want to feel important. You still want to feel like you were the star athlete, you're holding on to your old ego, and you have to find ways to relieve yourself of that people pleasing, that trying to prove yourself to people that you're still worthy, that you're still important, that you're still the star athlete you once used to be. Like, bro, let all that shit go. You have to, like I said earlier, reset the scoreboard of your life and start to create some new wins for yourself. But part of you sharing that old story, old identity, old nostalgic stories is that you still want to feel important around people that probably don't even care that you were the star athlete back in the day. Like they just want to know what you've been up to today. And I think that partly comes from you wanting to impress others. Rich, I ain't gonna lie. When we unpack this episode, I couldn't help but think to myself, damn, there is an alternate version of my life where I am the guy that listens to this episode and my whole life is filled with regret. I could definitely see a version of my life playing out where I don't do the radio show with you guys in Rutgers University. And I work at the car dealership. When I graduated high school, I graduated two years older than everybody else because I failed the seventh and eighth grade. I was a fuck up. I didn't take my SATs. I really thought I was God's gift to the earth with no proof, only because I was voted most popular and I was voted best dressed in high school. And my dad was one of the most litest humans that I knew in our small town, and my brother was a very popular guy in his own right. So I was living in the shadow of legends, and I thought, damn, this is my birthright. I'm just gonna be lit. And if I didn't discover the radio show that we built together, shout out to everybody else involved, shout out to Q and Night. That right there is a sliding doors moment of my life where I could have worked at the car dealership, never went to community college. I was gonna buy an Escalade, EXT, I think that's the name of it. I was gonna buy an Escalade at the car dealership that I was working at at $100,000, at a fucking, I don't even know what the rate was on the car, but I was probably gonna be paying for that car for the next 10 years of my life. And I decided to quit that dealership and take the radio show serious, which inevitably turned into Ruckers, giving me a partial scholarship because of how well the radio show did. And I went to community college and eventually went to Ruckers. There is a part of my life that could have ended at 22 years old, and I could have been the peak big fish in Hudson County, the coolest dude to ever walk the streets of Hudson County. And my life somehow played out in a way that I look back and I'm like, damn, I went through a lot of pain because I was forcing myself to discover who I was when I wasn't around my hometown people, when I wasn't around New York Puerto Ricans, which is my entire family that love to live a certain way, and they think everything else in the world is strange. Anything that's not home, anything that's not comfort, anything that is like New York Boricua is a thing that's like foreign to my family. And I kept fighting to move forward. And I thank God that life put some interesting decisions I had to make. And I took the more inconvenient, more uncomfortable route. And when I look back at 40 years old and I think about how much money I made, how I've had articles written about what I do for a living. I'm so proud that I took that path because those paths were nothing like any other path that I've seen before. So if I can be living proof to the 27-year-old man watching this episode or listening to this episode, is that that comfort could be your enemy. And I thank God when I think about this episode of like, man, you peaked in high school and you loved living in your nostalgia. That could have easily been me, Rich. That could have easily been my life story. Yeah, it could have been me as well, you know. And I just saw this quote that I love become someone the old you would respect, right? If you think about old Justin, what is this version of Justin? 5.0, 6.0? That means you've upgraded throughout many different chapters, phases, milestones, and continuously reach new benchmarks for yourself. That's exactly what we're saying to our viewers and listeners. Don't stay 1.0 version of yourself anymore. Rich, you know this. I've been called this because I had a fucking ridiculous piece of jewelry when I was in high school. And I remember going back home and someone calling me Jesus Peace Justin. Think about how bizarre that is. Somebody remembered me from the era when I used to have a ridiculously big gold chain that had diamonds on it. And they themselves gave me an era and defined me by it. And he said, yo, this is not the Jesus Peace Justin that I know. Well, who the fuck is this guy standing in front of you right now? Am I not me? They're like, nah, you're a corporate, bro. You're wearing button-up shirts, you're speaking using all these crazy words. Where's Jesus Peace Justin at? And it's crazy to look back and think, damn, that could have been my life forever. Well, guess what? I'm Failures Podcast, beard, and old ass Justin now. That guy died a long time ago. I am who I am today because I'm looking forward to what I want to be tomorrow. And I think we are living proof, Rich. I didn't want to get on our high horse. We were trying to avoid this part of the show, but you can't help but to look back at your life and have regret. I have no regrets. I have no regrets because whenever I felt this feeling of me living in my past, I got to it. I had to dig myself out of that hole because I don't want to rest on my laurels. At 40 years old, I'm afraid to rest on my laurels. Why start a podcast if my career is going great? Why start a media platform to help out young men? Because I think it's going to reflect positively on me at the age of 50. I'm going to look back at 50 and be like, man, I'm glad that I wasn't working in a young person's business, just trying to be a young person all the time. I'm glad I created something that I can pass on to my kids and my kids can pass on to their kids. That feels like a future version that Justin's gonna like. And that Justin will be not Jesus peace, Justin, not beard Justin. It's gonna be old wash, balding, gray haired Justin. And I look forward to that guy. Hey, if you see me right now, Justin at 50, bro, I'm proud of you, man. Keep moving forward. That's what's up. Look forward, stop looking back. Yeah, that's what this whole episode is about, man. It's just finding the evolution of yourself. The past is not evil, right? You should honor your past, honor who you used to be, but then take that information and that old evidence and adopt it and apply it into your new reality and work on new things that are gonna propel you to reach your highest potential. Rich, what is your response to someone that says these guys obviously didn't accomplish their goals? And now they're trying to repackage their lives in a way that they could be proud of themselves, and they're trying to stop other people from being proud of who they are today or who they were yesterday. I think the information that we share can come across as a little aggressive sometimes. And preachy. The preachiness is what I'm talking about, potentially, but rich at 15, 16, even 18, 19, needed to hear this. So I'm speaking to the younger version of myself who didn't have the mentor, the father, or the big homie to sort of guide and navigate through life's challenges. And I'm hopeful that through my failures, someone sees opportunity to do better for themselves than I was able to do for me at that age. So if you take anything away from what we're building, take that away. That there's advice in the excruciating painful wounds that we've had in our past for you to learn something and have a better outcome in your life. Rich, do you really feel that way? Like if someone were to feel some type of way, let's say an old friend from high school were to feel some type of way about this episode, do you truly believe that, hey man, I'm really trying to help? This is me not being preachy or me trying to call out somebody that's in a fucked up spot. I'm really trying to help. I think people naturally consume content and try to make everything about themselves. If you're a byproduct of some of the stories that we've been telling on this show and you were part of our past and you lived things with us and you get mention on here, like you should be privileged that we're sharing these stories because you were part of the history of past trauma wounds advice that we're trying to share for the younger generation. I don't think anybody should feel sort of shameful or attacked that they're part of an old story that we want to tell because, bro, you were part of that lived experience. And that story can help another young person out. Yeah. You're saying it's like I'm trying to get over myself by sharing things that make me feel vulnerable. There's a lot of insecurity. You discussed this, Rich. There's a lot of insecurities you go through, especially earlier when we first started doing the podcast, that you would tell me, like, I'm naked out here. I'm just fucking sharing things that I've never shared with anybody to the whole internet in hope that it helps someone out. Yeah. And if it does, then we've succeeded. If it doesn't, then hopefully my son has a lot of uh videos to watch when he gets older. Win-win for me. In theory, what is your response to a family member that's questioning what you're doing right now? I'm trying something here. Let me cook. I love it because you're not living in your old self, you're not living in your glory days. You're trying to build for the future, you're allowing yourself to be humbled. I'm gonna fail. I'm gonna try something where I might look stupid, but I might also build a million-dollar company. Who knows? Stay tuned. And there you have it, man. Failures podcast. If anything about this episode resonated with you, share it with a friend. We really hope that you take this old identity if you're someone who's lived in the past and made it your entire identity, and really just reframe your mind, bro, to think about the future, think about reinventing yourself, thinking about wanting more for yourself and not just living in that nostalgia addiction that we've been sharing on this episode. Share it with a friend, subscribe, like, do what you want. Just keep checking in with us. Failures podcast. Peace.